Axver (axver) wrote,
Axver
axver

A bit of a problem ...

I know this one guy named Aaron. I used to be his friend. However, he is a very disturbed young man, and I think he may be gay. Now I simply feel uncomfortable around gay men. It just ... really makes me uncomfortable, especially one day at school when I caught him gazing at me and the guys I was hanging around with. He denies that he's gay, but he acts so bloody effeminate it's not funny, and all the signs point to him being gay. I mean, he did tell my friend Patrick he masturbated over him. Even without the potential gay-ness, he's just weird and disturbing.

Anyhow, with that said, he wants to come round to my house. Sure, it'll be fun to have someone to play table tennis with, but I don't think I want him to come round. Thing is, I can't just tell him to rack off. I just ... don't know what to do. I will probably end up feeling uncomfortable and we won't have anything to do bar play table tennis ... hopefully he'll only stay for a short while. I'll come up with something to do that requires him to leave early or something. I don't know.

What I hate is my astounding lack of friends. Everyone else I know seems to have lots of friends. They're going round to their friends or doing stuff with their friends or their friends are staying at their place or they're watching Friends with friends (I hate that show, by the way) or doing something else friend-related. Then there's me. The few friends I have are always insulting me because I spend so much time online, but I enjoy talking to the people I know online. At least they seem to care about me. Most of the guys I hang around with couldn't give two hoots whether I lived or died. A couple do, but most don't. Certainly not folks like Hamilton or Grant. Why is it all these people I've met online who I enjoy talking to have to live thousands of bloody kilometres away, invariably in America?

---A FEW MINUTES LATER---

Well, I was just talking to my friend Sam, and he can't come around at all these holidays. He's on a ski trip at school that leaves on Saturday and lasts for all of the 3rd week of the holidays, and tomorrow and Friday he's busy packing and doing stuff for his Dad. He had to use his Dad's money to get wood for a bow he's making, and so he has to do work to pay him back. Sam's recently become obsessd with making bows and other weaponry like that. It's weird, very weird. He doesn't want to use it for violence or anything - Sam's not like that - but he's spending all his time and effort on it. It was rockets (he would make them and launch them) - in fact, he's still doing them - and now bows.

I do have no-one to hang out with here. How sad. How pathetic. How overwhelmingly Internet-orientated my life is. How non-existent my offline life is. Ah well ...
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