Axver (axver) wrote,

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Conversation with my mother

No, this conversation isn't like the one I posted this morning. I talked with Mum about the connection - it looks like my estimate of $300-$450 for the next phone bill will be correct, by the way - and, just before I approached her, I realised something. I've been ill lately. Now usually during this time of year, around late winter and spring, I usually get a runny nose in the morning, as a result of hayfever, and especially when I've had a cold involving a runny nose during the winter. However, the illness I've had lately, it's worse than usual because the runny nose has continued throughout the day and I actually feel physically sick. So I was thinking about this and I realised it all started after I found out about the phone bill. Feeling physically sick - and I still do, in my stomach - I approached Mum and told her this, and she tells me not to worry about it. She says stuff along the lines of "At least you're not out hooning around the streets, taking drugs" and this is of comfort to her, but it isn't to ME. The more I think about the bill, the more I think about how it was my fault and yet not at the same time, the more I realise I can't do thing about the past or the future until things are fixed, the more I feel ill, and Mum keeps on trying to tell me not to worry and that she isn't, that it's just one of those things, but I am worried and I do feel sick.

Am I making this worse than it should be? I imagine Mum thinks yes, and I imagine people reading this think yes as well, but I don't. I come from a poor family. The latest definition of where the poverty line is at puts us well below it. I do not have a job, Mum works part-time (indeed, it's more like part-part-time), the government keeps on kicking us in the gut with all their shitty 'benefits' and 'schemes' and red tape ... we can't afford a phone bill. The last one was over $100 and that was bad enough. We don't have spare cash floating about, and most certainly not for an exorbitant phone bill. The only person who would help us is Alan, Mum's boyfriend, and I hate the thought of bludging money off anyone to pay for this.

The second I get a job, I'll be earning money to pay Mum back for this. She'll probably refuse to take the money and I'll keep it because there's no way known to make her take it, but I'll be working with that in mind.

And just so you know, Optus is a piece of shit. NEVER get Internet from Optus. If they don't slug you with a restrictive download limit, they'll get you in other ways, such as this.

I'm not sure what to do, I'm seriously not. I've prayed about this - seriously, every time I go to connect to the Internet, I pray, asking that I connect promptly and that our money woes are taken away - but ... God seemed to be providing, and the last week or so I'd been connecting quite quickly by the standards of the last two months, but this morning ... 90 attempts. People say God provides, and so I damn well hope He provides some way so that our financial situation isn't hurt severely because of this. We can't afford $300. Good Zooropa, we can barely afford $100, if that.


This started at and continued over to a conversation on AIM that appears here, followed by more of my thoughts. Enjoy.

Person: God is too logical
Me: He is hardly logical. He is beyond logic.
Person: He made the rules of logic. It would be impossible to not be logical
Me: Hang on a minute. He made the laws of time, but that doesn't make Him time, does it?
Me: He made the laws of the universe and of physics, but He's not them, either. Just because He made the laws of something doesn't mean He IS something.
Person: But he follows the rules of time, the laws of physics and the universe, he also follows logic
Me: He does not follow the rules of time, physics, or the universe. How else to do you explain prophecy and miracles?
Person: He never breaks His own rules
Me: Well then, Jesus never walked on water.
Person: There is an explanation, I just don't know what it is
Me: It is against the laws that God established for one to walk on water. Yet Jesus did. Therefore, He DOES break His own rules. [But it must be noted here that He does not deny His nature - therefore, although He may break rules He established, it is impossible for him to, for example, lie, because He is truth]
Person: Maybe he does break his own rules but that does not mean he is not logical
Me: Yes, but if He breaks His own rules, that means He does not need to follow logic.
Me: If God were logical, He would answer every question in the form the questioner is most likely able to understand fastest. He does not do that. He gives us answers in ways we don't instantly recognise, ways we struggle to interpret. That is hardly logical. If God were logical, He would not have sent Christ because Christ being both God and man at once totally defies logic. Logic in its truest form denies Christianity because it denies Christ. But if there is a God - which I can believe just by looking at the sunrise - then He has to be beyond logic, and doesn't have to abide by it.

I would like to hear what you all think of this. Patrick raised an interesting point to me, that God is logical in His own way, and that when we get to Heaven, everything will make sense, but now, because we're imperfect, He doesn't always make sense to us. This is a good point, and I see merit to it, but the one big problem is it is still forcing - well, maybe not forcing, that's probably too strong a word to use - God to follow logic. Remember God created logic, not the other way round, and because the Creator is above the created, He does not NEED to follow it. He may act logically all the time, but He doesn't need to follow logic. Indeed, I think His ways are similar but different to logic. Performing a miracle may defy the laws of physics and a miracle itself may seem illogical and impossible, but by Jesus doing miracles, He was doing something very logical if you look at it in the way that He was proving He's God. So ... I think God isn't necessarily logical, but does things His way, and His ways are perfect.

Comment, please.

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