Axver (axver) wrote,

Something I typed out last night

Subject: Debating

I’m typing this quickly tonight – I don’t have time to get online – and I’m going to post it tomorrow. I need to vent how I feel. We just lost our debate, and we’re out of the competition. Everyone’s saying how close a debate it was, how good the competition was, a couple of people are saying we should’ve won or that the adjudicator was inconsistent, some are saying how flawed the opposition’s case was … but, honestly, I think it was my fault we lost. Don’t tell me how great a debater I am. I don’t want to hear it, whether it’s true or not. When I was up there speaking, I got lost – no-one could tell, but I was lost – I felt very repetitive, my summary of Heidi and Natasha’s speeches was CRAP, my structure wasn’t good enough … I feel like I lost the debate. Don’t tell me how good I am, because I don’t need to hear it. I’ve tried to say how crap I was, but everyone just tells me I did a good job and say I’m really good. What the Popmart? My speech was frigging terrible. I was an embarrassment. It’s the worst speech I’ve done in ages. I don’t want to hear about how skilled I am. I don’t care if you honestly believe I was magnificent; it’s not what I need to hear right now. I need … I don’t know what I need to hear, to be honest. I don’t want to be told I’m crap, because I’m already telling myself that and it’s bad enough hearing it from me already, I don’t want to be told that I did a good job, and I don’t need to be told what I need to work on because I already know what I stuffed up and I think I know how to fix it. I don’t know what I need to hear. Just we lost, and that’s that. There is no more. Debating is over for another year.

Mood: Disappointed
Music: ‘With Or Without You (RAH live)’ by U2

  • Post a new comment


    default userpic

    Your IP address will be recorded 

    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.