I’m typing this quickly tonight – I don’t have time to get online – and I’m going to post it tomorrow. I need to vent how I feel. We just lost our debate, and we’re out of the competition. Everyone’s saying how close a debate it was, how good the competition was, a couple of people are saying we should’ve won or that the adjudicator was inconsistent, some are saying how flawed the opposition’s case was … but, honestly, I think it was my fault we lost. Don’t tell me how great a debater I am. I don’t want to hear it, whether it’s true or not. When I was up there speaking, I got lost – no-one could tell, but I was lost – I felt very repetitive, my summary of Heidi and Natasha’s speeches was CRAP, my structure wasn’t good enough … I feel like I lost the debate. Don’t tell me how good I am, because I don’t need to hear it. I’ve tried to say how crap I was, but everyone just tells me I did a good job and say I’m really good. What the Popmart? My speech was frigging terrible. I was an embarrassment. It’s the worst speech I’ve done in ages. I don’t want to hear about how skilled I am. I don’t care if you honestly believe I was magnificent; it’s not what I need to hear right now. I need … I don’t know what I need to hear, to be honest. I don’t want to be told I’m crap, because I’m already telling myself that and it’s bad enough hearing it from me already, I don’t want to be told that I did a good job, and I don’t need to be told what I need to work on because I already know what I stuffed up and I think I know how to fix it. I don’t know what I need to hear. Just we lost, and that’s that. There is no more. Debating is over for another year.
Music: ‘With Or Without You (RAH live)’ by U2