Of course, the link doesn't even work. What am I going to do now? However will I gain 100% access to Christ at any hour of the day? How may I swiftly send my prayers to Heaven without the aid of such a holy website? Someone must contact the webmaster and re-establish the link to Heaven without any further delay!
I feel sorry for all the poor people who, before the invention of the Internet, did not have guaranteed 100% access to Christ. There is clearly no salvation outside the Internet. Let us now devote our lives to it and avoid the land of the heathens known as 'outside' or 'outdoors'. I shall now go forth and write tracts on why the sun is evil and how it wants to eat your children, make you gay, and sell you rock music by people with funny names like Bono and Sting and Petrucci.