1. The Wellington Hurricanes somehow defeated the NSW Waratahs 26-24. I can't believe it. But it doesn't end there.
2. The Wellington Hurricanes somehow have the best record out of any Super 12 team this year, with only one loss to their name. For possibly the first time in my life, I am proud to support the Hurricanes. This is getting weird.
3. I've become fascinated by the collection of end-of-world scenarios on this website, particularly the completely implausible and unrealistic ones. Though maybe that's more a sign of what could go wrong with the world rather than that there's something very wrong right now.
Now, if you are American and easily offended by sarcasm about your country, I advise you to look away from the following point and hum your national anthem now. Have a nice day.
All others should be advised that parts of the following should probably come with an inside joke warning.
4. It's Sunday somehow. Really, how did this happen? I was under the impression that it was Saturday at worst. For this, I shall blame all of you Americans for being a day behind me. It's your fault. Just like everything is. But really, it's not entirely your fault, dear American reader. Blame George Bush, the Street Number Conspiracy, and a stark lack of Tim Tams.
Look, when Australia and New Zealand dethrone the US and rise up as competitors for the new world superpower, don't say I didn't warn you. Blame the stark lack of Tim Tams and George Bush, and when New Zealand crushes Australia, all of you Australians should blame the stark lack of Arataki honey, the All Blacks, and of course, George Bush. Because everything is George Bush's fault.
In fact, that's what's wrong with the world: George Bush. Are you a devastated NSW Waratahs fan? Blame Bush. Are you a Hurricanes fan mystified by their current success? Blame Bush. Did you just stub your toe or spill a glass of orange juice? Blame Bush. Ever in doubt? Blame Bush. And if anyone tells you that doesn't make sense? Just. Blame. Bush.