It is with profound sorrow that I have learnt of your passing. I hope this letter finds you safe in the afterlife of deceased Internet lifeforms (if the dead Geocities websites give you any nonsense, just let the expired domain names make them feel inferior and they will leave you alone). I wish we had had more time together, and I regret not spending more time to get to know you on deeper levels. It was with jubilation that I came to you from my heathen Hotmail inbox, and we spent many joyous occasions together, but your popularity was overwhelming. You received so many comments, e-mails, and large files that I could rarely get a word in at all. Nonetheless, I cared for you, I nurtured you, and I encouraged your social side while ensuring you were given quality musical files. Whilst at high school, one of my priorities was to check on your welfare as soon as I returned home in the afternoon, and since I have graduated, I have kept a watchful and protective eye on you, even if I have not always actively interacted with you. I could not stop your popularity, and nor did I wish to, as it created much fun for me too. It was a horrific shock to me when I discovered the stress overwhelmed and ultimately killed you.
It is my sincere desire that you are resurrected. I shall endeavour, in the meantime, to deal with the comments that have been left unattended, some since early January. I wish I had seen the signs and been aware of your illness and stress earlier. Please accept my deepest condolences.
Your loving owner,
PS Anyone want a gmail invite?