Axver (axver) wrote,

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Contradiction is balance, beLIEve, everything you know is wrong, change what you cannot accept ...

Lately, I have found my journal's title of 'contradiction is balance' to be extremely apt, much moreso than I ever thought it would be. This is mainly because I'm noticing more and more contradictions within myself that have somehow existed in a state of balance for a while. I think the main one is the contradiction of realism versus idealism. On the one hand, I often cross the border of realism and step into cynicism and pessimism - I expect nothing other than deceit, corruption, and lies from politicians, and anyone who has listened to me ramble about the future is likely familiar with the pessimist in me. On the other hand, I can sometimes become so idealistic, so passionate about causes and humanitarian issues that I can appear to lose grasp on reality. Anyone who really follows this journal has seen my calls for improvement in the world, where I basically assume everyone is innately good and ethical, not prone to hate or violence.

I think the contradiction actually works. The realism, when it stays within its rightful bounds, is an obvious result of the reality I observe. Politicians lie and fail to fulfill promises; a lot of celebrities are greedy and fraudulent; radical elements of religions and ideologies twist teachings in hateful ways. You know that just as well as I do. The idealism comes from the fact that I just can't comprehend some what I see. I have never seen racial distinctions and ethnically motivated hatred baffles me; I do not understand why any nation would dare to inflict violence and war upon another (hence why I struggle to see the need for an army); I do not understand hate at all; I find the idea of harming, maiming, and killing others to be repulsive and sickening ... the list goes on and on. I cannot understand how someone could be so cold and heartless that they could shoot defenseless Darfurian villagers. I don't know how someone could sleep at night if they run a 'business' that hoards tickets to concerts and then rips off dedicated fans through gross and exorbitant charges. I cannot fathom the mentality that inspires the disdain of and discrimination against people due to differences, any differences at all. None of it computes within my brain. There are so many divisions in our world and I don't comprehend them - I was raised to see each individual the same and that's precisely how I see them.

So there's what may seem like a contradiction for you. I see the reality in the world, I see how desperate it is in the third world and how apathetic we in the first world are towards suffering, and I feel inspired to change it because I cannot comprehend how anyone could sit back and permit such atrocities, let alone actually commit them. Violence leaves me staggered in disbelief. Remember the Beslan school hostage situation in Russia last year? The deprave mentality that drove people to harm innocent little children is completely beyond my understanding. I see the reality, I hate it, and something must be done about it. I'm sick of seeing the reality perpetuate.

And I'll end it here, mainly because I'm not sure where I'm going. The lj-cut title is very apt indeed.

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