Axver (axver) wrote,
Axver
axver

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Speaking my mind, and unlike yesterday, I'm being serious.

- Just because I don't live in the USA doesn't mean that I am any less informed or intelligent than you. In fact, if you think that, then odds are that I'm both more informed and intelligent than you. There's this fantastic thing called the Internet and this other thing on the television and in all the papers called the news. Unlike yours, mine actually tells me about the outside world. Yes, we actually have civilisation out here. Remarkable, huh? Our comedies are better too.

- I live in Australia. This means that I reside in a house of ordinary construction that is not prone to collapse, I have a substantial number of material possessions I take for granted, I wear ordinary clothing, and if I were capable of driving, I would drive an ordinary car of recent make that has four wheels. I do not have a pet kangaroo. Koalas do not live in my backyard. I have never seen a snake or a dingo in the wild. No-one in my family wrestles crocodiles.

- I come from New Zealand. We have very noticably different accents to Australians and if you can't tell, it's because you have too much wax in your ears or are judging the difference by poor imitations in Hollywood movies done by American actors who wouldn't know a New Zealander or an Australian if they met one. New Zealand is a country just as, if not more civilised than Australia. We are indisputably the greatest rugby union nation of all time. We were the first country to give women the vote and damn proud of it. We are nicknamed Kiwis after a native, flightless, noctural bird. Yes, a bird, not a fruit. The fruit is called a kiwifruit or a Chinese gooseberry. If you say you are eating a kiwi, I will assume that you are eating a member of an endangered species and will probably contact the relevant animal protection authority.

- Just because my eyesight prohibits me from driving doesn't mean that I am stupid. It means that I may not be able to see objects as well as you, or I may not see them at all. If you think my eyesight has any correlation with my intelligence, please check to make sure your brain is still in your head. It probably isn't.

- I am a conservative. This means that my political opinions tend to be moderate, avoiding extremes, and I am uncomfortable with radical change or drastic upheaval. I sometimes lean to the right and sometimes lean to the left. I do not support George Bush or the War on Terror or Gulf War III [Yeah, III, did you know that? Gulf War I: 1980-1988, Gulf War I: 1990-1991, Gulf War III: 2003]. Please do not confuse me with the far-right extremist nutcases who parade themselves as conservatives. On behalf of the body of conservatives, I apologise to the world. We do not claim these people as our own. They are an embarrassment.

- Just because I am a Christian doesn't mean that I am a mindless sheep. Guess what? Despite the impression created by many of those who Bono has labelled as "[God's] weird children," some of us do actually use our brains. There is no universal Christian position on, say, politics or literature. The idea that 'good, true Christians' vote for certain candidates and only read certain literature is a lie told by control freaks who cannot handle dissent to their perfectly arranged world order, and it is then regurgitated by those under their spell or who don't know any better.

- Discussion, debate, and disagreement are good things. Really, they are. They stimulate the brain, encourage one to defend one's positions, and result in correction and exchanges of knowledge. Nowhere does the Bible say "ye shalt believe what thou art fed without question." Not even in correct-sounding old-fashioned English. I would like to take this opportunity to direct your attention towards Job, Ecclesiastes, and the Disciple Thomas.

- Just because I listen to U2 obsessively doesn't mean that I know nothing about other music. In fact, I know more about other music than I let on. I probably know more than you do. I'm sorry, but someone walking into a studio and singing pre-written lyrics over instrumentation recorded by someone else does not count as music. That's uncreative laziness for the pop masses.

- If you are going to bash U2, at least listen to their back catalogue first so that you don't look like a complete moron who hasn't the faintest clue about the object of their hate. If you're going to bash U2 on the basis of Beautiful Day and Vertigo, you're a fool. If you're going to bash them on the basis of classics such as Sunday Bloody Sunday, Where The Streets Have No Name, With Or Without You, and The Fly, you don't know what good music is and need to pull your head out of Avril Lavigne's arse.

- I probably don't like your fandom. Deal with it.

- I am an intellectual generork, a geek-nerd-dork. If you have a problem with my less-than-typical interests, sod off and return to your mindless culture of conformity.

- I am nearly eighteen but I am not a sex-crazed teenage guy. Males perfectly in control of their hormones who don't think about sex even remotely regularly exist. Truly. Don't make silly assumptions based on age. To be honest, I am sick and tired of society, and not just teenage society. I find much of it to be crude and immature.

- Just because you didn't use an lj-cut doesn't mean I'm more inclined to read your long entry. In fact, the usage of an lj-cut significantly increases the likelihood that I will read your long entry. Hogging my friends page in an attempt to capture my attention is actually an invitation for me to use the scroll wheel on my mouse. Don't tempt me. I like my scroll wheel.

- Before you tell me that my spelling is wrong, read a dictionary. Believe it or not, US English is considered completely and utterly incorrect by the vast majority of the English-speaking world. 'Maneuver' in place of 'manoeuvre' is just plain lazy. So is omitting 'u' regularly. No-one needed to swap around the 're' in 'theatre' or 'centre'. A 'Mom' sounds like the mother of a cow. Realise that 'realize' is incorrect and that you program (verb) a programme (noun).

Before I depart for today, I would like to inform all citizens of the USA that the UK has revoked your independence, effective immediately.
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