Axver (axver) wrote,

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2004: Is it like a tape recorder? Can we rewind it just thrice more?

Continuing from yesterday and the day before, I bring you the final part of ...

The Best Of André Axver-Withoutalastname For 2004
Part III of III

29-09, some poetry that I am pretty pleased with, on the themes of suffering, death, resurrection, and God.

05-10, ranting about the environment, both locally and internationally: Reason #749 why Geography is fun: you can actually factually prove that one country is the worst country on earth ... I can say some pretty bad things about other countries and places, but my harshest words are reserved for the Gold Coast ... Money talks - if you have cash, you can rape the land as many times as you like. Floodplain? What floodplain? Mangrove swamp? Man grows swamp? Sand dunes? They hinder me from getting to my [won't be for much longer] sandy beach!

07-10, some more religion for your day and the 'God only' theory: Success isn't winning. It isn't about getting into Heaven or accruing wealth or being holy. Success is realising that victory is inconsequential. Victory, as we perceive it, is one person raising themselves above another through competition and receiving all the glory. Christianity stands against that. You cannot tell me Jesus' death was a victory. If you want to be really correct, it's probably the most embarrassing defeat in history. People, Jesus lost. He hung on a cross and bled until he died. He didn't succeed - he was a hopeless, lifeless failure. But victory proved to be inconsequential. From defeat and death came an abundance of life.

13-10, miracles and skepticism: Though I have a sneaking suspicion we don't have these miracles because we're that cynical of them that we wouldn't believe them even if they happened to us. If God will send his angels, and if God would send a sign, would anyone even notice? Though in any case, I say that Western man has recreated God in his own image. Rational, sane, and not prone to those silly miracles that we know can't happen. Hang on, God? Nah, he went out with the pagans (who, of course, have little relation to anything in this story, but we don't need to mention that).

14-10, 'correcting' a Modern History assignment: the original, error-filled criteria sheet and the criteria sheet after I fixed it.

15-10, what, you mean I'm meant to do work in my schoolbook? A collection of scans from my schoolbook. Its encore on 30-10.

20-10, anyone who has memorised Pi to 330 decimal places clearly abuses their memory, and I am sure it will rebel against me one day: My memory, just before an exam that will determine my final university results: What? MORE study? More random facts to recall perfectly on such short notice? No, that's it, I've had it with you! Remember when you made me remember 330 digits of Pi? Remember when you made me remember the finest points of U2 setlists? Remember when you made me remember an eight minute speech in two days? Oh, wait, without me, you won't remember a thing of that! You won't even remember this 'conversation'. All you will do is sit there in the exam, staring blankly at the question sheet, wondering what those funny symbols running from left to right are. That's right, I'm about to commit suicide, and you, my abusive owner, shall not even remember the language you require to inform people of your disastrous predicament. This is your punishment for the thousands of times you misused me. Goodbye!

[The rest of that entry contains one of the most horrific displays of stupidity and intolerance you will ever see.]

22-10, on schools, circular logic, and raising leaders: It's not as if school literally kills people. When was the last time you heard of a school sprouting legs, marching to a student's house, and beating the poor person to a bloody pulp?
[Circular logic scans about success at the entry]
It's quite simple, really. NOT EVERYONE CAN BE A LEADER. A society full of people raised to be leaders is thoroughly undesirable. Each person will be trying to head in their own direction and the whole fabric of the place will be ripped apart.

On 24-10, my favourite icon made its debut. From my brain to Kate (purplicious)’s computer to LiveJournal, I give to you … Axver and Kate for Co-dictators!

25-10, conservatives, liberals, and the misuse of such terms: I'm bold enough to say that I do not believe most people who claim to be liberal or conservative are actually that, or even have the faintest clue of what the terms mean. If you say you are a liberal and then take every chance to insult and belittle conservative opinions, YOU ARE NOT A LIBERAL. You would be if you tolerated the conservative opinions and listened to them with an open mind. If you claim to be a conservative but abhor liberals and mock their platforms, YOU ARE NOT A CONSERVATIVE. You have not been moderate; you have gone to an extreme, just like the 'liberals' you say you hate.

31-10, the 44th President of the USA will be Bono: By the rules of Revelation interpretation, I would like to hereby declare Bono the winner of the US election on 2 November 2004.

03-11, my letter to George W. Bush: However, in the case of your victory, here's some pointers that might help raise your international standing.

1. No more wars. Unlike you, we do not like combat, not even when it's to secure resources. How's your oil?
4. Learn knowledge you should have known long before you even ran as a Presidential candidate. If you are the President of the most powerful country in the world, you should be aware of the NAME of the President of the [second-]most populated country in the world. Do you even know what country that is? INDIA. Also, when your advisors tell you that Sweden has an army, you might want to listen to them. Really, a lack of such basic general knowledge is thoroughly inexcusable for the leader of the USA. GET YOUR ACT TOGETHER.
7. No more unilateral action. In case you haven't noticed, the USA is not the centre of the world and there is a MASSIVE global community in which you must live and co-operate. Other countries do matter and they are important. Don't write off their interests just because they do not conform to yours.

06-11, my parting message to my grade: I have a few words to say, much in the style of Mister MacPhisto.

Goodbye, all you teenyboppers who rave about Blink 182 and Good Charlotte. Enjoy your mindless music; it reflects your mindless lives.
Goodbye, sluts. The only reason you get anything is because a lot of desperate males don't care who they screw. Don't fool yourself into thinking otherwise. By the way, enjoy the STDs. Your future prospects are bright.

Goodbye, desperate teenage guys with hormones. Despite popular belief, girls are not toys for your personal pleasure. If I were ever to get a hold of the digital cameras on which you have taken 'upskirt' photos, I would promptly proceed to shove the camera so far up your arse that it would become lodged in your throat.

Goodbye, immature louts. The water with which you drench one another has greater mental agility than the glaciers that are your brains.
Goodbye, all of you who live in ignorance to your own history. If you don't know where you came from, how can you expect to understand the present in which you live or the future you will help craft? It's not my fault you didn't listen in class. The deaf guy down the road heard more of the teacher's words than you did because you were too worried about who was voted off Survivor. Unfortunately, life isn't polite enough to simply vote you off the planet.
Goodbye and good riddance. For thirteen years, you have tested my tolerance, my patience, my intelligence, and my perseverence skills. You have tortured my brain and insulted common sense. You have ignored history and neglected general knowledge. You have committed what must be crimes against humanity. If I ever come to miss you, I hope someone sends me to a mental asylum.
[I think that whole entry is some of my best work]

09-11, a revolution in penguin colour: Ladies and gentlemen, if one thing is clear, it is this: penguins should be orange with blue polka dots.

16-11, a master list of songs that have opened and closed U2 concerts.

19-11, rappin' U2!: (A track of Larry popping bubble wrap the night before is looped throughout the song to keep the beat.)
Edge: Yo, REZ-PEKT!
Bono: I'm da big big B and I'm here to say
Feh feh feh feck da Revolution OK!
Yo, all ya homeboyz, I'm takin' ova ya airwaaayvz wit ma edgy rhymes today,
And if ya dun' lik 'em, I'll steal ya mull and bury ya in da clay!
Yo, ya gotta say, it's a beautiful day when I'm in da hood,
And I'll tell ya 'bout A-I-D-S, yo I would!
Edge: Yo, REZ-PEKT!
Adam: People say you shouldn't mix music and politics or sport and politics or ... Rattle And Hum and rap.
Larry: *pushes microphone away*
Tech guy: *puts microphone back*
Edge: YO, REZ-PEKT! He's da big big B!
Paul McGuinness: Ah hell, they've really lost it now. *BANG* *loud thud*
Larry: If I had a dead body like that, I'd bleedin' bury it!
Adam: People say you shouldn't mix Rattle And Hum and rap.
Larry: FECK OFF!
Edge: Yo, REZ-PEKT!
Bono: I'm da big big B!
Paul McGuinness: I feel numb ...
Edge's walkman: *rewinds* *catches fire* *explodes*

24-11, uncertainty can be a guiding light:
Uncertainty may not always be pleasant. All of us, I imagine, would dearly love to know more. However, it's that desire and passion that spurs us on. Without it, we would not advance. If all mysteries were solved, we would have no light to guide us into the future; we would wallow in the stagnancy of the present. While there may be nothing new under the sun, there is much under the sun yet to be discovered ... The value of uncertainty should not ever be unemphasised; it's not always enjoyable and rarely convenient, but it is always valuable.

25-11, faith needs a doubt: It is clear that Bono was singing the truth when he proclaimed that faith needs a doubt. Faith, not verifiable knowledge, is essential to avoid restricting God to a box dictated by scrutinised facts, it is important for establishing a finely defined trust that fosters maturity and a close relationship, and it possesses the doubt that stimulates the mind and inspires the individual to pursue knowledge and unravel uncertainty. Faith is a truly beautiful and powerful thing.

01-12, the real definition of sport: sport, noun,
1. Rugby union, cricket, and yachting. These are sports even when New Zealand loses. New Zealand never loses the rugby union. If you think you have seen New Zealand lose a rugby union match, it was a fictional movie made by lying Australians, South Africans, Britons, or French.
2. Anything at which New Zealand wins. Unless it's mentioned in definition #5.
3. Anything at which Australia loses embarrassingly. Unless it's mentioned in definition #5.
4. Australian Rules football, but only when talking to Victorians. Has the potential to be a sport if it becomes an international game, as per definitions #2 and #3.
5. NOT rugby league or American football under ANY circumstances. Not even if New Zealand is conquering the world at either or both of the two. They are not sports, have never been sports, and will never be sports. They are condemned to the pits of doom of games that are not sports and have other pursuits such as synchronised swimming, trampolining, and cheerleading to keep them company.

08-12, Jesus in all his MP3-y compressed holiness: Yes, that's right, Jesus Christ, the Messiah and Saviour of mankind, is now available in compressed audio format ready for you to play on your own personal computer!
[Go to the entry and purchase your copy today!]

24-12, fifty-one years later, we remember the Tangiwai disaster: Fifty-one years ago, at this exact moment in time (10:21pm New Zealand time, 7:21pm here in Queensland), the front half of the overnight express from Wellington to Auckland plunged into the swollen Whangaehu River. At the time, in terms of the death toll, it was the eighth worst railway disaster in the world and remains the fifth worst disaster in New Zealand's history. 151 were killed: the driver, fireman, one first class passenger, and 148 of the 176 second class passengers. One of the 28 who survived was my grandfather.

30-12, the south Asian earthquake/tsunami crisis and the land of the stinge: This isn't some disaster you can just ignore, you can't just say "how sad, too bad" and go about your life as if nothing has happened ... To think that people are willing to just turn around and do nothing is unbelieveable. Are these people that selfish that they cannot afford to donate even five dollars and forego an afternoon snack? Imagine if people decided to not eat fast food one day and donated that money to charity - imagine the incredible difference that would make. Imagine if we got over ourselves for just a second to do something generous for someone else.
It comes down to this ...

Statement from article [on CNN about the USA's charitable giving]: "That's a European standard, this percentage that's used," [US Agency for International Development admnistrator Andrew] Natsios said. "The United States, for 40 years, has never accepted these standards that it should be based on the gross national product. We base it on the actual dollars that we spent."

Translation: "The current worldwide standard makes us look appallingly bad, so we are going to come up with a lame excuse to use a standard that makes us look superior."

Hop off the high horse, open your wallet, and give what you can.


With that completed, let's see what a new year brings.

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  • You'd think I'd forgotten about this or something!

    Well, come June this year I'll have been on LiveJournal for a decade. That's pretty scary. Not that I've updated much over the last…

  • 2011

    Best year ever. PS Damn straight this is Axver, returning from the blogging wilderness after not posting anything since March. I guess after many…

  • A win for the ages and other cricket rantings

    Holy fucking shit, the Irish knocked off England in the cricket! Forget when they turfed out the hopeless Pakistan in 2007; this is something else.…