Axver (axver) wrote,

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2004: Is it like a tape recorder? Can we rewind it just once more?

It seems that everyone under the sun, hack or not, is releasing a Best Of, so I figured, "why not myself too?" For that reason, friends, acquiantances, loyal readers, detractors, haters, and whoever else might be reading this, I give to you ...

The Best Of André Axver-Withoutalastname For 2004
Part I of III

All dates are day-month.

The Sudan entries.
01-07, when I first raised the matter on my journal.
25-07, the primary entry.
14-11, over-simplification of Darfurian issues.
Join darfur_crisis now.

The novel entries.
14-12, Axver And The Death Of The Internet.
15-12, Rain On Axver's Cricket.
16-12, The Memory Of The Demise Of Axver's Memory.
28-12, Axver Tries To Journal Online.

The rest, in chronological order.

02-01, The Passion of John Smith: [John Smith, Messiah, spends time] encouraging [others at university] on ways they can improve their lives and be nicer to each other without any real personal commitment or change on their behalf.
[Read the whole thing. John Smith, the Messiah for today's world!]

07-01, the religion of ants: Indeed, I think ants are Muslims. They come on a pilgrimage to Mecca - my room - and then race from one place to another [...] across my floor. And they do it without any purpose. They're not going for any food or anything, they're just running across my floor and my feet for the sake of running across my floor and feet.

02-02, the truth about why people don't like the USA: I've finally figured out what's wrong with America: the Super Bowl. Talk about boring. I haven't watched it, I just know it's boring. Watching American football is like watching paint dry, just less exciting because you know these people could be playing something more exciting, and more disgusting because you know it's a bastardised form of the Game They Play In Heaven, rugby union. When your national sports (baseball and American football) are two of the most boring sports on the planet, it should come as no surprise that you get all kinds of hassles, because your people are bored and anyone else watching it is hating you because you've made them bored.

06-02, announcing a website: I would like to announce the launch of the not-hyped, not-publicised, not-eagerly-anticipated, not-a-lot-really website, Axver's U2 Trading Website! Containing a design that is nothing short of the definition of bland and unimaginative, it has absolutely no neat gizmos, exciting lights, flashy colours, or enthralling sounds to make you want to go, but it is an information resource, one that will be continually growing and changing, much like a bacteria that you don't really notice until it's too late. So make your way over to this little ripper of a website, devour all the information, memorise it and recite it to attentive audiences of Sub-Saharan cattle, and see if you desire a trade. If you do, fire an e-mail - not a bullet or an Inter-Continental Ballistic Missile - off to me and hope I'm prompt enough with my response that I get back to you before the Reaper does.

If you'd like to send me a free U2 bootleg - preferably a DVD - please do not hesitate to contact me and I will get back to you sooner than possible.

09-02, refuting the Buddhist concept that there is no self: [According to Buddism, t]here isn't a 'me' because I'm constantly changing ... [To illustrate this, an example is that] "it's like a mountain - trees are cut down and there's erosion." Then it hit me. The mountain may change, it may lose some trees, grow some new ones elsewhere, have some erosion here and deposition there, but IT'S STILL THE SAME MOUNTAIN! It may have changed, but it's still the same mountain it was when it was named.

11-02, regarding Internet dating sites and such: Now only 1% of Internet relationships work, right? That's ONE out of A HUNDRED. Internet dating is STUPID because it's like playing Russian Roulette with a one hundred chamber revolver that has only one empty chamber. If you played Russian Roulette with a one hundred chamber revolver that has ninety-nine bullets in it and expect to somehow get the empty chamber and win, YOU ARE AN IDIOT. Same goes for Internet relationships. If you expect to be the one person out of a hundred that actually makes it to marriage and lasts, YOU ARE AN IDIOT.

18-02, you know you're a U2 fanatic when: - You feel the perfect size for a lemon is somewhere between 35 and 40 feet.
- Waking up and finding a fly on your radio is not a bad thing.
- You understood the last point.
- Zooropa is an all-purpose word to say at any moment.
- You don't have a TV, you have a ZooTV; you shop at Popmart; all fires are unforgettable; and every person named Joshua has a last name of Tree.
- Mentioning that it's eleven o'clock is a dangerous thing to do around you.
- Reaching the edge of something makes you instinctively ask for a pen and paper so you can get an autograph.
- Someone mentions a location and you instantly say "U2 played there!" and know the exact date and setlist.
- You seriously think there are three sunrises.
- When on the train, you're always on the lookout for Zoo Station.
- When people tell you about the ocean, you don't think of the thing with salt water.
- You routinely forget bands/artists other than U2 performed at Live Aid.
- Bad is good.
- You think Bongoliese is a legitimate language.
- You feel loved.
- New Year's Day is not a date to you.
- You think you should be allowed to count Rattle And Hum, Under A Blood Red Sky, or any other U2 footage as your favourite movie.

21-02, there are some ignorant people in Christianity: Those people should get off their irrelevant, bubblised arses, rip their fingers from their ears, flick that lump of goo called a brain back on, and LEARN SOMETHING. Wow, how startling! I absolutely adore the logic of 'if it's not in the Bible, it's bad; if it is, it's good' because it's so STUPID and IGNORANT. Right, so you're saying I can't listen to secular music or watch TV because it isn't in the Bible, but by your own logic, I can murder and pillage to my heart's desire and have a couple of hundred wives? I'm just in awe of that logic. I also love 'we're supposed to be completely separate from the world and do nothing they do'. Better stop breathing, sleeping, waking, eating, bathing, typing, and talking then. Oh, you sinner, you existed! You deprave person of the world, you're so beneath me, how dare you exist and call yourself a Christian!

22-02, the Almighty's threat to Axver the Procrastinator: And the Lorb thy Gob did saith, André, thou shalt worketh, otherwise thou shalt be accursed, and be cast out to where there are orange boxes and purple penguins with banjos, and thine senses shalt receive a great and tremendous assaulting. Lo, thy Lorb hath spake.

03-03, a sample of my eloquence: The time: About 2pm AEST (Australian Eastern Standard Time), 03/03/04
The place: B5, [My School]
The reason for being there: Mathematics C
The conversation: Something to do with graphics calculators
The participants: André, Patrick, Queenie, Sam, and Aaron listening right by us
The André quote: "Hey, we need calculators for the manuals!"

04-03, the prayer of an executive from Tyndale House Publishing: Tyndale executive: "Oh great dollar sign, may I always be gaining pieces of paper with you on them. May you always be near to me, always accumulating, never decreasing. May I be with you forever, may I crush all in my way to get another single cent, may I place you above all else. You are my god and my leader, and may I never cease to serve you. Oh dollar sign, with your curve and straight line, you make me complete, and I need more of you. May I ruin many great things to accumulate more of you. May my material wealth continue to grow. $$$$."
[I originally posted this on 2003-07-01, but I feel the fact I reposted it in 2004 means it can be legitimately included in this collection.]

09-03, poor solutions: Dumping millions of dollars into an impoverished nation split by civil war WILL NOT SOLVE MUCH AT ALL. Money does not patch up wounds, money does not remove cultural barriers, money does not erase hate; it really doesn't do much. And often, we try the white-out solution: we try to blank out what's there, but under that layer of white, the words - that is, whatever's wrong - is still there, seething beneath the surface, and if you turn the page over, you can see that it's still there. It's not going away. White-out solutions don't work, and neither does money.

28-03, a job offer: One seventeen year old male is seeking an unpaid servant to clean his desk for him.
[I still wish to employ someone, so read the job offer and respond without delay!]

During Easter time, I was on fire. No, not literally. Theologically.
09-04: Good Friday and the beginning of my Easter series: I strongly support one doing their own research and making their own conclusions on what they believe - you simply can't just jump into a (non-)religious belief and hope it's right. It's essentially a matter of eternal life or death and one's decision must be made wisely, considering the evidence they have in front of them. Believing something because mother and father do is just not good enough. Adhering to a religious doctrine because it makes you feel good is simply stupid. One should place faith in something because they believe it is actually true and because they understand why they believe it.
10-04, Easter Saturday, why Christ had to die and the despair of the disciples: We need to take off the WWJD bracelets for long enough so that we can actually learn from [Christ's] life.
11-04, Easter Sunday and the resurrection: Had Christ not risen from the dead, the course of human history would've been unimaginably different [...] The world needed a Doubting Thomas and it still does.
12-04, Easter Monday and a summary of the previous days.

13-04, They Left Their Memory Behind - A report on the release of the 12th Left Behind novel: "We don't know what happened." states a press release from the Proffit LaHaye (he denies the self-appointed title has anything to do with prophecy, money, or prophecy money). "Somehow, an alternate script Jenkins wrote was printed."
[Read the whole thing. And this comment.]

16-04, your source for all knowledge: I would like to inform you all of the following quote on C[hristian]F[].

"There, now structure your life around what I think." - Axver

I agree with him! Listen to what he says and structure your life around it!

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