Axver (axver) wrote,

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  • Music:

Jesus in all his MP3-y compressed holiness.

I have a collection of numbered CDs containing various U2 concerts and files that I no longer have room to store on my computer, and so that I know what's on each disc, I have a master sheet with lists of the contents. Here is a part of it, scanned.

Yes, that's right, Jesus Christ, the Messiah and Saviour of mankind, is now available in compressed audio format ready for you to play on your own personal computer! Available in three formats: MP3, Ogg Vorbis, and WMA. Order in the next two weeks and you will receive a WAV file of the Disciples Peter and Thomas for NO EXTRA CHARGE!

Also available for this Christmas and this Christmas only is an uncompressed Jesus Christ, available exclusively on DVD. While the compression of MP3s may cut out the higher aspects of salvation that the average human is unable to spiritually sense, the uncompressed file will give you the full salvific experience and is so large that only a DVD may contain it. The Lord has indeed branched out in the audio and technological world! Get him on DVD TODAY! Do not delay!

Please send all money, blessings, worship, and skepticism to André Axver.

Do not consider purchasing a Jesus Christ AAC file from iTunes. It is clearly of Satan, as AAC stands for An Anti-Christ. You are only inviting Hell into your computer by shopping at iTunes!
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