Well, here's tonight's real news. Channel 9, in case you were not aware, 11 people died in a militia attack in Jammu-Kashmir, African Union troops are being slowly deployed to strife-ravaged Darfur (let me take this moment to pester you to join darfur_crisis if you are yet to do so), 23 were killed in a coal mining accident in Kazakhstan, peace processes are at various stages in western Africa, and Ukraine shall hold fresh elections and former president-elect Yanukovich has expressed his intention to run again, although new laws changing electoral processes important to eliminating fraud were not passed by the Ukrainian partliament. So yes, a world does exist out there and real news is happening. You don't need stories about telethons.
And in news just to hand, NEW ZEALAND HAVE DEFEATED AUSTRALIA IN THE CRICKET! Aaaahahahahaha! WHAT IN THE WORLD JUST HAPPENED? HOW DID WE DO THAT? Haaa! What have I told you people? Come on, what have I told you? When New Zealand really want to, they can beat ANYONE IN THE WORLD. We are actually ranked higher than Australia in the one day cricket international standings! Can you believe it? Neither can I, but it's TRUE!
AND WE JUST CAME BACK FROM THE DEAD! I thought we were going to be SLAUGHTERED when Gilchrist was smashing balls all over the park, but then Chris Cairns dismissed him before Vettori - everyone, come worship your cricket god - took three wickets in five balls and completely turned the game around. Instead of staring down a score of 340, Australia tumbled and only made it to 9/246. Of course, considering the disasters that were the last two five day matches, I thought New Zealand would probably be skittled for 150, but Australia were stupid enough to not play Glenn McGrath AND Jason Gillespie. Oh, we made them pay. I thought we weren't at the start of our innings, though. When the captain, Fleming, was dismissed on only the second ball, I thought we were gone. Had that second wicket been caught in the slips at around 1/6 or so, we would have been totally gone. When we were at 1/9 after about four and a half overs, I thought we were going to splutter into run rate oblivion.
Then the unbelievable happened. We actually stayed in the game! We stayed only one-for for ages. Disaster just about struck when three wickets fell in quick succession and we fell twenty behind - I recall at one point, we needed 55 runs from 35 balls - but Marshall and McCullum, my word, WHAT HEROES. The third-to-last over was the best. 2, 4!, 4!, 1, 4!, FIVE!, 2. Yeah, count 'em, TWENTY-TWO off a single over. We went from being twenty behind the rate to two in front! I turned around and yelled at the television, "Kaprowicz, you just lost the game for Australia!" It was the most beautiful over ever. I was on my feet cheering, yelling "COME ON!" and "PICK IT UP!" And then we went on to win, oh, a most magnificient four in the final over, oh, WE WON.
Can you believe it? I still can't. New Zealand just BEAT Australia. It's like a dream. How in the world did we come back from the humiliation of the five day test series to win this match? Did that game really happen? I feel so elated right now. This is like the time when we came back from the dead and Chris Cairns hammered South Africa into oblivion at the 'Gabba a few years ago (and hey, I WAS THERE!). I might just have to go to the New Zealand versus Australia match at the 'Gabba on Friday.
WE WON, WE WON, WE SOMEHOW WON AGAINST THE ODDS! God defend New Zealand IN-BLOODY-DEED. I shall now depart to sing the national anthem very badly.
Have I told any of you lately that life is perfect? Hee, hee, I love it!
But before I go ... a silly fanlad moment from earlier in the cricket match.
Cricket commentator: [bla bla bla, I'm not paying much attention] very close to the edge.
My brain: I'd like to be very close to The Edge.
Think about it. I could have educated discussions with a fellow genius, borrow the Holy Gibson Explorer, and force setlists upon him. Sounds wonderful, don't you agree?