So how do I feel? Well, I felt wonderful, relieved, happy, and all of that. Felt, past tense.
The ceremony itself was pretty boring and during much of it, I was wishing that it would hurry up and finish. At the end, I went around, collected a few things, shook a few hands, spoke to Johnno, had some food, and I didn't really feel much of anything when I left. I did exactly the same as I have done when I have left schools in the past - walked out with no fanfare and departed as per usual. Well, not quite as per usual: I was cranking The Joshua Tree as we left. Bullet The Blue Sky doesn't quite seem like the appropriate music for the occasion, but it's such a good song that it was worth playing loud anyway.
Things changed when I got home. I sat down, realised this was probably the last time I would ever wear a uniform I have actually come to like (blame the blazer), and looked at the pile of stuff I'd collected. One thing stood out to me. My school has this tradition whereby grade twelves write messages for one another and they are compiled into what are known as Friendship Books. Now I didn't expect to get anything, didn't really care, and totally forgot to write any messages for anyone. So when I got home, picked up this booklet, and discovered seventeen messages, I was ... surprised, to say the least. Alright, so six of them were from teachers, but that is beside the point. A couple of messages in particular, along with a photo of the SOR class, particularly got to me. I'm starting to feel that perhaps, I didn't appreciate some people until it was much too late. I have this distinct feeling that perhaps a small minority of people were obscured by the general awfulness that is my grade and I didn't notice them until much too late. I keep looking at the SOR photos ... it doesn't feel gone just yet. I feel like I can still hold onto it, that I can go back and everyone will be there, just the way it was. It still feels like it might just be there, but the future feels horrifically imminent. And I can't believe that I think I've just blown the chance to know a few worthwhile people. If it weren't for a hundred morons ...
I can't believe I was so stupid. I felt so damn wonderful until I read that booklet.
Oh my, I just lost it to Sometimes You Can't Make It On Your Own. Oh my. If you don't like How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb, you have no taste or heart. I cannot believe that two songs on this album have made me cry. That's just doubled the number of songs to have ever made me cry (the other two are One Tree Hill from 26 December 1989 and Mothers Of The Disappeared from 11 February 1998). I haven't been emotionally attached to an album like this since The Unforgettable Fire and The Joshua Tree.
Tough, you think you've got the stuff
You're telling me and anyone you're hard enough
You don't have to put up a fight
You don't have to always be right
Don't leave me here alone
Sometimes you can't make it
Best you can do is to fake it
Sometimes you can't make it on your own ...
I would like to close by asking that if anyone from my school is reading this, PLEASE leave me a comment with your e-mail address. I doubt any of you are, but ... if you are, please do that. Thank you.