But before I depart, I have a few words to say, much in the style of Mister MacPhisto.
Goodbye, all you teenyboppers who rave about Blink 182 and Good Charlotte. Enjoy your mindless music; it reflects your mindless lives.
Goodbye, all you people who study so hard. You think you're intelligent, but the world won't be so kind. Out there, you're going to need to analyse and reach independent connections, not just throw a few numbers into a formula or recall the Periodic table.
Goodbye, all you hopeless drivers. I hope someone takes your car off you before you have an accident. I say this not because I desire you to remain unharmed - the opposite is the truth - but because I don't want you to waste medical services or injure innocent civilians. Just remember that I do not have the vision to drive and yet I still have better driving abilities than you do.
Goodbye, all you girls fussing about your make-up. The irony is the mountains of crap on your face make you the ugliest people I've ever met.
Goodbye, all of you who wilfully pollute your bodies with highly toxic substances. I wish the arsenic factory would send you free samples. Your brains are probably already sufficiently destroyed that you'd think it's just another party drug anyway.
Goodbye, all you radical fundamentalist Christians. Your flowery prayers won't serve you any good in the real world, though they may be symbolic of the daisies you'll be pushing up if you keep shoving Christ down the throats of people who are tired of hearing your bubblised diatribes.
Goodbye, librarians on a power trip. If you know you have students coming for private study, logic dictates that you cater for them. It's not as if you are unaware of the presence of us. Maybe you should stop ordering people around and actually make sense for a change. By the way, no-one likes a cranky old woman. Sit down, shut up, and acknowledge your stupidity is just as repulsive as that of Burns.
Goodbye, sluts. The only reason you get anything is because a lot of desperate males don't care who they screw. Don't fool yourself into thinking otherwise. By the way, enjoy the STDs. Your future prospects are bright.
Goodbye, desperate teenage guys with hormones. Despite popular belief, girls are not toys for your personal pleasure. If I were ever to get a hold of the digital cameras on which you have taken 'upskirt' photos, I would promptly proceed to shove the camera so far up your arse that it would become lodged in your throat.
Goodbye, immature louts. The water with which you drench one another has greater mental agility than the glaciers that are your brains.
Goodbye, cretins who cannot speak the English language. If you haven't noticed, there are more letters than the five vowels and 'y'.
Goodbye, all of you who live in ignorance to your own history. If you don't know where you came from, how can you expect to understand the present in which you live or the future you will help craft? It's not my fault you didn't listen in class. The deaf guy down the road heard more of the teacher's words than you did because you were too worried about who was voted off Survivor. Unfortunately, life isn't polite enough to simply vote you off the planet.
Goodbye, whiny parents who live through their children. When your children rebel against you and end up in prisons or in the gutter, what will you do? Die? You won't have a life left anyway.
Goodbye, sick bastards. I don't really know what you did and I don't know if the rumours of oral sex in the gazebo were true or not, and nor do I wish to know. I'd just like you to know that when you are forty, your life will have amounted to naught, and if you still wish to fulfill your fantasies then, you'll be locked up for paedophilia. Look at the worthless existence to which you have consigned yourselves.
Goodbye, all of you worried about your boy/girlfriends. Your relationships were meaningless and you just wasted a lot of time. Well done. Don't try to tell me you were getting experience for future relationships either. An immature relationship based upon a five-second crush won't prepare you for a serious and mature relationship to last your entire life.
Goodbye, ignorant morons. Your lack of general knowledge is so repulsive that I'm surprised you can even remember your own name. If I were to listen to you, the year of your own birth is so long ago that no records exist of it and even Britney Spears has become old news.
Goodbye, all you shit-stirrers. One day, there won't be a teacher around and someone will hit you so hard your shit will be more than stirred.
Goodbye, teachers who live in vaccuums, administrative staff with red tape fetishes, pointless extra-curricular events, dull assemblies containing announcements of no interest and certificate presentations that define the word 'monotony,' frivolous social occasions with no merit or meaning, so-called milestones that acknowledge little of practical value, systems of conformity and restriction, and futile efforts to make morons broaden their minds. Goodbye to it all. Goodbye and good riddance. For thirteen years, you have tested my tolerance, my patience, my intelligence, and my perseverence skills. You have tortured my brain and insulted common sense. You have ignored history and neglected general knowledge. You have committed what must be crimes against humanity. If I ever come to miss you, I hope someone sends me to a mental asylum. I couldn't be happier to finally be out of the prison.
Oh my, that felt GOOD. My life is improving and my brain has already begun the recovery. I think I need to defer for a year just to ensure that it sufficiently heals.