That reminds me of something we discussed a while ago in SOR, actually. The difference between fear and terror, and how fear is founded in respect. I still can't explain it. I'm not sure it even makes sense in my mind. My mind has been jumping all over the show today, making all sorts of connections that aren't there, ignoring the connections that are there, and generally not being as orderly as I'd like it to be. So please, O Mind Of Mine, calm yourself down. Or maybe don't, because thanks to this random nature, I've made some wonderful connections on my assignments that have essentially saved my hind end. I think I probably should be trying to write some poetry now rather than writing this entry, but oh well.
One thing I think a lot of people don't realise is that work can actually be fulfilling. It's something I fiercely rebel against. I think I'll be happy if I kick back and do my own thing forever, with 'my own thing' being defined as sitting in my room doing sweet diddlysquat. However, it seems that sometimes when I do that, I retreat too much into my own world, attaching myself too greatly to some things while becoming needlessly depressed about other issues. I actually need to be productive at times, to be able to present some results to myself and say "hey, I just did something I'm proud of." Work may not always be the most thrilling thing, but I need to remember the accomplished feeling I receive once I'm actually done is very satisfying and makes the investment of time seem worthwhile.
... Even if such investment is a total waste. You have to concede the point that a lot of schoolwork is a total waste. You can't just write off any one subject or any assessment task within an individual subject as a waste for everyone, because that's blatantly untrue, but what is true is that not everything benefits everybody. My current Geography assignment may benefit someone looking into a career in agriculture, but for me, it's an entirely futile and useless little exercise that simply kicks my brain and mapping abilities into gear for a few hours. However, if the agriculturalist were farming in New Zealand, they would have had utterly no use for the last unit, one on the African Sahel, while someone like myself, conscious of the world and interested in pursuing aid in poverty-stricken areas, would have found it intriguing and even fulfilling. That said, I would like to argue a unit such as that on the Sahel is important for anyone, because world awareness and consciousness is a valuable asset.
I know I'm not the only one in my grade looking forward to next year and the opportunity to study something of serious value to me, though I guess the satisfaction from making major progress on this assignment has shown me something doesn't have to be of total use to you for it to still give you an accomplished feeling. There's no real reason why I should be doing this Geography assignment for it doesn't offer me any gains at all, but the feeling I get from working on it is still that I am getting somewhere and doing something. Wallowing in nothingness isn't always beneficial, and despite the fact I say I'll do a lot of things with my time, I rarely keep my word. Instead, I sit here in front of this computer screen and while away the hours on AIM, LJ, and Interference. There isn't a whole lot to make me feel satisfied and accomplished sometimes. And sometimes there is. It's just a matter of finding a balance between sitting here, being lazy and doing what I feel like, and getting off my butt to produce something that leaves me feeling accomplished. I'm not saying I don't find accomplishment on here, because I actually find quite a lot of it, but ... I don't even know what I was getting at now. My mind's continuing to leap all over the show. I don't know how it's managed to stay still enough to produce quality work on my assignment. But the accomplishment I have got from investing time and crafting results, even on something that isn't of much use to me, has been remarkably satisfying and I don't feel like I've actually wasted my time. I'm surprised and pleased.
Whatever the case, don't worry, I still acknowledge that LJ is life.