Axver (axver) wrote,
Axver
axver

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I'm bitter and angry and I don't care.

Truth is, I've lost sight of whatever objective I once had. The last thirteen years of schooling are coming to a conclusion, and I don't feel accomplished or like I have achieved something. Rather, this feels like the most worthless anticlimax possible. Can anyone tell me what the point was? Or what the point of anything is? I feel like I am confined to a pathetic redundancy. No matter what I do, I seem to find myself with MORE to do and no time to just sit back and feel comfortable about my life and the world. Some world issues seem to be just too big to solve, and even if a solution is found, everything elsewhere is falling to pieces anyway. If I learn something new, I become even more aware of the fact I know so little and feel more stupid than I did. When I write something, I become acutely aware that my writing is not improving, my self-expression is not being enhanced, and I'll probably go nowhere with this career I have planned. Everything seems futile. The more I do, the more there is to do. I just want to take some time off. Some long time. Some long time where I won't have to worry, where I will be free to do what I LIKE. Where I will be able to survive by designing U2 setlists and reading wonderful literature. Such a dream world is so far away, though. Too far away.

The pathetic nature of the world is alarmingly overwhelming.

Anyway. Quality quote from school last week that I forgot to post;

Queenie, my homeroom teacher: "It has been a bitter disappointment to watch André grow. He is now of normal height, the only normal thing about him. We no longer have our very own hobbit."

So short people of the world, my school is in urgent need of one hobbit. Your unique services may be required to fill this job placement that I so neglectfully abandoned!

Tomorrow, I have my English exam, a two hour essay where we reply to a given topic on Macbeth. I'm not feeling overly confident, but doom has not been inspired in my heart, so that's alright. However, Thursday's German exams DO inspire doom in my heart. If you are wonderful with grammar, would you mind if I were to pick your brain? Especially if you are wonderful with German grammar (specifically the nominative, accusative, and dative cases)? If I may employ your services, please leave a comment (telling me to get on AIM or MSN if you'd rather help there than here) and I will love you forever.

Now I fear I must go study. Wish me luck.

My desperation for a leak of Vertigo has just about reached bursting point. Leak within the week, damn you!
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