Axver (axver) wrote,

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There are some things I could quite happily live without. School, for one.

I have just discovered that Elmer Bernstein has died. Mourn with me. I guess it was rather apt that I was listening to a bootleg of One Tree Hill when I found out.

In other news, I am getting the feeling that death isn't all the woe and doom it's cracked up to be. I am catastrophically doomed and have so much work to do, yet all I want is to sneak into a hole, fall asleep, and not come out. I have two assignments due Monday, two I should have already handed in, an exam on Monday, a number of other assignments to do, and the biggest exams of my life in ten days. Not to mention the fact my OP prediction has inexplicably got worse (though from what I'm told, the calculations are rather funny and so I have nothing at all to worry about). Just, whatever happens, I can't get worse than a 4. Although I agree with everything Johnno says about it not mattering, and although I preach it so well, I still feel my life would be over if I got a 2 3 4 5 or worse. I said I was going to go outside and do some work on the deck in the fresh air at 2pm otherwise I would metaphorically shoot myself ... so I guess bang bang, I'm dead. Doesn't seem metaphorical, but it'll do what I tell it to.

I'm stressed. So stressed. I spent most of today wimpering or cowering or generally living in an overworked, overworried fear. I want to cling to something tangible and pretend the world no longer exists. It's as if I'm losing the plot. Cracking up and breaking down, my brain just ironically thought. This is NOT THE TIME. This is not the time to stuff up and slack off; to make mistakes and lose commitment; to be unable to focus or concentrate. And let me tell you this - the system is messed up. So messed up. So thoroughly messed up that it is intolerably stupid and shall be one of the recipients of my lawsuit against people and organisations that are thoroughly and irreversibly stupid.

Is it just me, or would you have a hard time guessing the Olympics are on. I see some of you posting keenly about them, but here, no-one seems to care at all and you could quite easily deceive yourself into believing they no longer exist. I'm yet to watch a second of the Games myself. If they had sports I was interested in, then yes, I'd watch, but rugby union and cricket are not Olympic sports and I am very much tired of swimming and running. I saw it in 1992 (yes, I remember Barcelona), 1996, and 2000; that was more than enough.

The sociophobia didn't improve today. Didn't worsen either, but it didn't improve. Just as long as it's not on my mind when I'm taking exams, I will be very happy.

--- 3:20pm ---

On three random notes;

1. When I live by myself, I will eat at the most random of hours. Dinner's cooking now because I'm hungry but it's too late to have lunch.
2. Sitting outside doing my work in the nice, somewhat cool afternoon air is actually very good and gets me motivated and focused, or at least to an extent. I wish I had a laptop ...
3. Play Rock's Hottest Ticket (29 April 1987) very loud and you won't regret it. I played it very loud while I worked and it helped enormously. Plus, the performances of The Unforgettable Fire, Exit, and Springhill Mining Disaster are superb and you can't not be pumped by the opener, Where The Streets Have No Name.

--- 5:09pm ---

I would also like to point out that I have some of the most awesome friends.

Reminder to self: Tomorrow, I must not forget to write about that assignment I read in SOR.
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