February 2nd, 2008

One Tree Hill

(no subject)

Well. My father's called me a few times today. Grandpa's fighting it but he's going. He's been unconscious since last night and isn't exactly coming back out. It seems the last time he spoke was when he tried talking to me when the phone was put up to his ear yesterday. That's a surreal feeling. We could not really make out what he said as he was mumbling, not to mention muffled by an oxygen mask, but we think it was "hi André" and "that's good". He's been taken off oxygen now as it was no longer really helping ... by the sounds of it, he isn't seriously expected to make it through the night. I'm going to go out and watch the sunset later. While listening to A Change Of Seasons or something.

Thank you very much for all the good thoughts and prayers and well wishes, everyone. I really appreciate it. I've read all the comments to my last entry (a few times, in fact) and value them. I just don't know what to say back. I don't know what to say about much right now really.

He's only in the early 70s, you know. He hasn't even reached the average age for Kiwi males. I know, it should be all about the quality rather than the quantity of life, but that doesn't make me feel any better. I know he's had over 54 years he was never meant to have, but that doesn't make me feel any better either. Even a year ago, I thought all my grandparents would live to see their great-grandchildren. They're all young as far as grandparents tend to go (neither on my mother's side are even 70 yet), and then I believed them all to be in good health. I still can't accept that Grandpa's going to be gone within days, hours. Even today I've been talking in ifs, not whens. I'm dreading the phone ringing.

I keep thinking maybe something will happen. He never should have gotten out of Tangiwai. He should have died when the carriage went in the water, and even though he somehow made it out, he never should have made it to the edge of the river and definitely never should have made it up the bank to safety. Everybody else perished. I keep thinking his number still can't be up. He's meant to go and everything's against him, but just like Tangiwai, I keep thinking he'll defy that and come out the other end, making some tremendously lame quip about it.

I can't believe I won't hear one of his overwhelmingly lame jokes again. Things just won't seem right any more.


just after I posted this, literally a minute , i got the call

thats it
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