December 26th, 2007


(no subject)

How time flies. I cannot believe that it has been three years since I have seen some people. It was nice feeling right back with my friends. I have been so dreadfully lonely these last two years, especially in Brisbane when Luke was absent and in Melbourne when Kate's absent. It is hardly a secret that I am genuinely abysmal at making friends, but once I achieve a friendship, it becomes extremely close. Although I saw Sam in January, I hadn't been to his place since 2004, but as soon as I walked in, it was just like old times. I slotted straight back in. I wish I felt like I had somewhere to slot in down in Melbourne that does not involve my computer chair or a little-used library shelf and does involve other people.

It was weird, in a way, to feel like I wasn't distant from someone today. Whenever I interact with people on a non-academic level, I usually feel like a gigantic gulf separates me from them. Today was one of those rare occasions where for most of the time that did not seem to be so. Yesterday with my family was fairly interesting, in that I fit in sometimes and other times just seem to be somewhere completely different; my relationship with them is considerably contradictory. I don't even pretend to properly understand it, nor do I feel like I really fit in. I'm comfortable, and I like and care about them, but the contradictions mean that I do not necessarily connect in the same way as they connect with each other.

So here I am on Boxing Day evening listening to Nick Drake, wishing for a "home" that is more than just my favourite library; somewhere with more than just books and theories and reason, but with a human presence, a mutual understanding. It is terribly lonely within my mind sometimes.

Well, to conclude on a positive note, how good was the first day of the Boxing Day Test this year! The Indian bowling really troubled the Australians, and just when it seemed the Australians had weathered the storm and were set for a gigantic total, it all began to come apart and they finished the day on their final wicket. It's doubtful that they will hang on to that wicket long tomorrow morning. I'm looking forward to seeing what the Indian batsmen can do to the Aussie bowling attack. It should be another interesting day. The only reason I wish I'd been in Melbourne today is so that I could've gone to that very entertaining day of cricket.