October 25th, 2007

Penguin sign

So very bored.

I am mindnumbingly bored by university. I am absolutely dreading next year. I'm jealous of all of this year's third years who are finishing now. I wish I could go straight on to my Honours year in 2008 rather than pissing around in my third year, doing the same as what I've been doing this year.

Last year, my first year was awful. The simplistic intro courses bored me to tears and I was literally falling asleep during lectures even by lecturers that I genuinely liked, something perhaps not unknown to some of you but completely foreign to me. There really is only so much I already know that I can handle being told again before I begin drifting off. So in the second semester, I took a second year course just to challenge myself and I really enjoyed myself. I got some of my passion back, I remembered why I was there in the first place. My second year started off well, and I really enjoyed most of my work. However, now I'm nearly at the end, working on my final pieces of assessment ... and let me just say that I may pull my hair out from the unbearable tedium of writing 2,000 word research essay after 2,000 word research essay. The worst part is knowing that I will be doing exactly the same next year, as the courses are all second/third year.

I'm sick of condensing some incredibly complex issue to squash it into 2,000 words, ridding it of all nuance and value in the process. I'm sick of thinking "hey, that angle needs some more investigation!", only to have to discard it due to a lack of space. I'm sick of reducing an interesting perspective from an essay in itself into one mindless paragraph that has no depth or informative value. I'm sick of doing so much research that I want to use but simply can't. I'm sick of robotically churning out 2,000 word research essays. I have it down to a fine art and can comfortably do it in five days to a standard that gets me the top mark in the course (I wish I could say I was kidding but I just did it twice). Honestly? I'm not even trying. If I completely botch my final assessments this semester, it's because I am not even remotely intellectually engaged. I'm not interested in what I'm doing and the assessment tasks are so mundane and inane that I'm sure I'd have lost any interest I might have had. I couldn't give a shit. I'm going to do badly because I'm not being intellectually challenged. I need to be intellectually challenged. I thought that was what this was meant to be all about. My Honours year cannot come soon enough. Even if it doesn't prove to be intellectually challenging, at least it will be a change.

Maybe I should submit a 2,000 word research essay on how bored I am ...