Axver (axver) wrote,

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I want to tear down the walls that hold me inside.

Anyone out there a really good drawer? What's more, anyone out there capable of drawing a picture for me, scanning it on, and allowing me to use it as an icon? If anyone is willing to do that, I'll give you a bit of a description of what I'd like. Thanks!

Note the closing combination. I think it's perfect. Some day I plan on stumbling across the perfect U2 setlist with ultimate flow and appropriate combinations.

Bullet The Blue Sky
Running To Stand Still
October --> New Year's Day
Pride (In The Name Of Love)
In God's Country
All Along The Watchtower
All I Want Is You
Where The Streets Have No Name
I Will Follow
The Unforgettable Fire
A Sort Of Homecoming
The Cry/The Electric Co.
God Part II

Hawkmoon 269
The Ocean --> 11 O'clock Tick Tock

Out Of Control
Sunday Bloody Sunday

Since when did Adam sing during Bullet?

I was going to ramble on about that gig, but ... something more pressing has come up on my mind. From a recent CF post of mine;

I don't like churches. I don't see God in them. I see God in the people who give up their time to go help the needy, clothe the naked, feed the starving, and so forth. That's what Christ preached. He didn't preach large buildings or Powerpoint presentations or worship bands that only play three chords.

I'm just tired of Christianity. I'm tired of it having the questions wrong while thinking it has the answers. When I compare what I see in the Bible to what I see in today's church, I don't see a whole lot of resemblence. I see people claiming to believe in what Christ preached, but I'm not really seeing it. Half the time they don't even seem to know what Christ preached anyway. What he did not preach was comfortable, middle-class religion where you tithe ten percent, sit on cushy pews, and pat yourself on the back for being a good and faithful, righteous servant. That's not being a servant; that's believing what makes you feel comfortable, requires little commitment, and allows you to just go about your life, thinking God is smiling down upon you.

Christ preached a life of self-sacrifice, a life of love and giving. I'm sick of Christians saying "I'm not going to help him because he's not a godly person" or "She can't say she's going on a mission when she's not a Christian" [that was on CF today]. THAT TOTALLY MISSES THE POINT. Christ preached a life of looking beyond superficialities and looking at the fact each person is a unique being created by God. It doesn't matter how old they are, what their religion is, where they come from, or anything like that: they're made in the image of God and that's that. I feel alienated from all the mainstream Christianity I have come in contact with because it seems so focused on a group of insiders and outsiders, on deeds and self-righteousness, and on being 'right' with God. Yeah, be right with God: DO WHAT HE FRIGGING SAID YOU SHOULD DO. Get up off your lazy arse and get down off your holy cloud because God will not deal with the proud.

What particularly ticks me off is the fact I'm doing nothing myself. I keep on railing against attitudes of Christians and against how there's so little genuine, loving help, but what am I doing? I'm sitting back at my computer, being an absolute hypocrite, blasting other people when I probably should be blasting myself. I keep excusing my actions with drivel like "I need to complete my education" or "I'm only seventeen." Really, André. I want to get out there and ... just do something. I don't give a sod what, as long as it's beneficial. No wonder I feel unfulfilled - I'm just wasting my life away in this Western paradise. And why am I not keen on the idea of moving to an impoverished part of the world? Only because it's out of my comfort zone. You guys know I want to move when I am able to, and I've ruled out most of the world just because it's not in my comfort zone. I'm just as bad as your typical mainstream Christian - they don't want to get out of their comfort zone of holiness and self-righteousness while I don't want to get out of my comfort zone of materialism and temporary pleasures. I keep making excuses, and it's just not on. It's not.

I think a lot of life is a fight against attitudes inherited directly from the Fall - the desire to help oneself instead of others; self-seeking instead of self-giving; receiving aid rather than giving it. It's a fight against essentially yourself. The concept of dying to self now makes sense. While you're living for yourself, you're not really living. "If I ever want to live I've got to die to myself someday." Someday soon, preferably. It's just ... I am a selfish person. I do want everything for me. I think everyone does to some extent or another. That's just abusing the privilege of existence, really. There are people out there who have nothing while you have everything you could possibly NEED, but you WANT more. I keep doing it. We all keep doing it. We keep seeking our temporary pleasures and our own satisfaction with this often unconscious attitude of "stuff the rest." We have our dodgy literature, our beaches and nightclubs, our blockbuster action flicks that just waste a couple of hours of our lives, our U2 DVDs and bit torrents, our lavish restaurants, our 'culture' and 'society'. We don't have life.

If only Christianity would get up off its knees. If only it would stop making a show of praying for people and actually get out there and help them. If only we'd stop looking at ourselves so much. If only, if only, if only. I'm tired of saying it. I'm tired of not living what I preach, and I'm tired of saying that too.

I want to run, I want to hide
I want to tear down the walls that hold me inside
I want to reach out and touch the flame
Where the streets have no name ...

On a far more positive note, it's quite amazing to watch a massive crowd jumping up and down as one to the intro of Streets. Freakily eerie and cool.
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