August 2nd, 2005


Politics and plagiarism!

So, today, I tried to figure out where I fit on the political spectrum and just got confused. Instead, I decided it would be fun to write a rather small and incomplete list of my political opinions. Maybe some genius can place me.

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Ultimately, I think just about every belief I hold comes back to "do unto others as you would have done unto you".

Today, I had the misfortune of being exposed to Coldplay's Fix You. Would someone please fix that song so that it doesn't sound so bloody atrocious? I, for one, am completely tired of Chris Martin's completely fake whiny act - look, he's a very happy man with a beautiful wife and child, and stacks of cash to support them. Whatever passion's in his music and lyrics is nothing short of fraudulent. Everyone who's being fed a diet of Coldplay is quite simply being taken for a ride and conned by the machine that spews forth thousands of throwaway songs that go to number one while songs full of intelligence and meaning and real depth are simply ignored. How dare people be inspired to think by music! And how dare Coldplay's guitarist, John Buckland, ever be original! PERISH THE THOUGHT! If ever you want a perfect example of ripping off U2, it is Buckland - he's pseudo-Edge. The guitar Buckland plays in Fix You is so obviously ripped out of the "how to play like The Edge" book that you could be fooled into thinking it actually is Edge except for one thing - Buckland is shit. While Edge can play two notes repeatedly and make it sound not only original, progressive, and brilliant, but also define the zenith of minimalism, Buckland plays two notes like he doesn't realise the guitar has more frets or strings. Just compare Bad or I Will Follow to Fix You and you'll vividly see my point.

The guitar in Fix You perfectly compliments the singing: Martin drones on like high-pitched noises the television emits when it's broken, singing atrocious lyrics that turn a person into a toy in need of fixing, while Buckland produces some of the most inane, unimaginative, and flat-out boring guitar playing I've heard for a while. I bet during all of this over-inflated garbage live, Martin does his stupid Bonojesus pose, not getting the fact that he's not Bono and never will be. What's the difference between Bono and Chris Martin? Bono doesn't think he's Chris Martin. You see, Chris Martin is just some happy rockstar faking emotion and passion to sucker in listeners, whereas U2 came charging out of early-eighties Ireland with a vengeance, sick of stifling and poor social conditions fostered and exascerbated by a civil war, full of the sorrow of two band members mourning the loss of their mothers and the passion of four men who believed in a better future. And what's with stupid ignorant people who think Coldplay are the first band to ever play piano and guitar in one song? U2 did that on Into The Heart and A Day Without Me back in 1980, and I'm positive they weren't the first to do it!

To summarise: Coldplay's Fix You is absolute tripe not fit for human ears, or the ears of any other species. Speed Of Sound is a pile of junk too: it sounds like Clocks lazing around the house doing nothing.