September 26th, 2004

Amak Axver

The music of rebellion makes you want to rage, but it's made by millionaires who are twice your age.

I've come down off my Vertigo-induced high. I'm back to listening to other music. Feel relieved. You know a band is good when I finally cave in and download WinAmp 5 to listen to them, and that's just what happened with Porcupine Tree - my beloved WinAmp 3 does not support M4A format. The Sound Of Muzak is a work of genius - "Hear the sound of music drifting in the aisles/Elevator prozac stretching on for miles/The music of the future will not entertain/It's only meant to repress and neutralise your brain." I love this song.

For the record, I still prefer WinAmp 3. I find it much more user-friendly, pleasant to use, and easy on the eye. Maybe I'll get off my lazy butt and find an M4A plugin for it. A FLAC plugin might be nice too.

Anyway. I feel the total opposite of motivation today. I just want to sit here and stare straight into nothingness. Jamie came around this afternoon, which interrupted my quite pleasant self-existence in my room. I simply don't feel social. That may seem incomprehensible to the extroverts out there, but I'm sure some of you understand where I'm coming from. I enjoy being by myself, here in my room, listening to my music, reading my books, writing, and communicating through the written word. I have come to suspect that while I accuse others of slipping into apathy and only focusing on the world within their city or social group, I have done the opposite and rejected my city and those people around me.

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Some things, however, are a bit harder to take in. Some things ... I'm struggling with. There are some things I need to let sink in. Right now, I don't want to rage or question. I just want to accept, and that might take some time, because I have learnt some things are hard to accept.

And you want to know something? I'm glad I kept writing, despite my lack of motivation, because that felt good. Have a good night, everyone.
  • Current Music
    'The Sound Of Muzak' by Porcupine Tree