April 27th, 2004

Slane II

Intransigence is all around, military's still in town.

I've felt physically sick all day, for a couple of reasons. Good Popmart, I'm a terrible person. One valuable lesson is that I should never be left alone with my thoughts. Another is that I'm a horrible friend. A third is that when I tell people at school that I don't want to talk to them, they should actually listen. What's more, I HATE PEOPLE WHO READ MY COMPUTER. It's one thing that makes me truly angry. I struggle to use a computer in public because I HATE people even looking in its direction.

My sleeping patterns are totally stuffed. I don't know what's wrong, but I keep on waking up for no apparent reason, no matter how tired I am, and on the weekend, I wake up at the worst times. Maybe I'm just tired and grumpy and that's why I'm both being a pillock to everyone and driving myself into a rut. I'd just like a long, uninterrupted sleep for once. I'm feeling dead on my feet. Problem is, I can't even have an early night because there's too much to do. This term's going to be far too busy and I'm going to be exhausted by the end. I'd like to ask all of you, especially those I'm close to, to bear with me. Apologies in advance.

I do have one good thing to say though. I went for a forty minute walk this afternoon. I'm proud of myself, but I'm also tired. And I have another reason to be proud of myself, because I made cajun chicken for dinner last night and it was GOOD. But I'm frigging PARANOID of ovens. Don't laugh, but I was too scared to put my hand (using tongs) in there to turn the chicken over and made Mum do it. I think it's actually my eyesight. I have trouble judging things, so I keep on thinking I'm going to whack my hand on something burning. Next time I'll just take the damn thing right out of the oven and turn it that way.

One reason I've been feeling down lately is my eyesight. The closer I get to real independence, the more down it gets me. I'll never be able to drive, and that's quite hard for me to take at the moment. Even worse is that I struggle to find my way around. I'm looking forward to coming to the USA next year, but how am I meant to find my way around? Sure, it's well and good that I'll be with people some of the time, but that won't be all the time. I can't even read frigging street signs. I'm paranoid I'll get lost in a huge foreign city or in a complicated foreign airport or stumble into the wrong place and get mugged. I don't suppose accommodation will be all that easy either. Stupid frigging preconceived notions people have. But come Hell or high water, I'm going over there next year. It's something to look forward to. I'm going, and that's that.

On a completely different note, I was pondering 'do unto others as you'd have them do unto you'. I'm sick of people saying that, treating others like dirt, and then getting pissed off when they themselves get treated like dirt. At least I expect to get treated like dirt. But that's not my point. I'm sick of actually doing nice things and then people just brushing it off. DAMNIT, I'M TALKING TO YOU, SAM. I'm sick of having to cause a frigging scene to get him to lend a hand or proofread something. I'm not some superman. The fact I have such a high IQ is totally irrelevant when I'm sitting here unsure about my work, desiring someone to go over it and give me feedback. Woohoo, now I'm being selfish. I'm just sick of being expected to be so damn great.

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You know what I hate right now? People who listen to Outkast. Go get some musical taste, PLEASE. If you're going to listen to shit ... really, come on! I'm sick of Outkast cropping up frigging everywhere because I HATE them more than I hate anyone else. Just hearing or seeing their name makes me angry, truly. This rage starts to seeth inside me and it's not good. If you listen to Outkast: WTF? I just discovered the fun powers of 'WTF?', so go me.

Had to repost this because the poll stuffed up the first time. Bah.

What artist or band do you hate the most?

  • Current Music
    'Staring At The Sun, take two (25 April 1997)' by U2