September 19th, 2003

Amak Axver

It's the first morning of holidays, so what do I do?

1. Wasted twelve dollars trying to get online. Yep, I did the maths. I feel like shit because I'm racking up such a massive phone bill that I can't even control. Some days I get online in seconds, some days it takes absolute ages. Some days are better than others.

2. Once I finally got online, Sam gave me some crap about going home yesterday because I didn't feel well. Good bob, he can be daft at times. Sheesh. What would you prefer, I go home or I drip snot all over you because there's no bloody tissues at school? Be logical for a second.

3. Talked to Mum about the phone bill. She keeps on telling me not to worry and it doesn't matter and all this stuff, but that doesn't make me feel any better. I'm wasting all this money, I can't control it, I don't know from day to day whether I'll need to worry or not. Useless fucking Internet. I'm going to e-mail my ISP later. I won't be abusive ... just word it strongly.

4. Did some fun religious selector thing because I was bored. Well, it got it right that I'm a conservative Christian Protestant, and now it reckons my denomination is Presbyterian. I find this quite amusing, especially seeing I claim no denomination.

5. Found myself home alone. Ooo, I should pH34r this. Home by myself! *gasp* How SHOCKING! My mother is such a terrible mother, leaving me by myself. Shame on her. Actually, I quite like this, it's just I didn't expect to be in an empty house at 8:30am. Why does Mum get up early to go walking? I don't see the logic in this. You wake up earlier than you need to just to go for some long and very tiring walk. My logic says that you sleep in and THEN go for the walk.



9:28 - I feel very sorry for my favourite shirt. I hate it when perfectly good shirts with perfectly good pictures of penguins on them get so tatty that the only place you can wear them to is bed. Oh well, at least I can still wear it, but now it's getting holes in it. This is a sad day. My penguin shirt is quite possibly the only article of clothing apart from my NZ sports shirts that I actually care about. Mourn.
  • Current Music
    Birds chirping outside
Amak Axver

Very strange conversation with my mother

Mobile phone rings. I've already had one call this morning and that's enough. Plus, I'm enjoying the end of Love Is Blindness, so I yell "Bugger off!" before answering the phone.

Me: Hello.
Mum (laughing): Hi, love. How are you?
Me: And why are you laughing?
Mum: Because I'm just on the toilet and Nan walked in on me naked.
(At this point, not only am I disturbed by thinking about this, I am wondering why the Popmart Mum is calling me whilst on the toilet)
Me: And WHY would you be calling me?
Mum: Because we're going to have coffee at Senorita's [a cafe my family likes] and I was wondering if you wanted to be picked up.
(At this point, I was wondering why, to ask me this, Mum had to phone me while on the toilet and couldn't wait until she got off)
Me: No. I'll be right. I'd rather not eat with strange people like you. (Note I was only being half-sarcastic)
Mum: Don't want to be seen with strange people like us?
Me (still wondering why she called me while on the toilet, and to ask me something so unimportant as that): Nope.
Mum: Alright, I'll be going then.
Me: OK, bye.
Mum: Bye.

And I'm still wondering why she called.
  • Current Music
    'One' by U2
Amak Axver

(no subject)

It's funny some of the screen names that are out there. Some of them I feel embarrassed even looking at.
  • Current Music
    'Acrobat' by U2
Amak Axver

My adventures in LJ land

Well, so I got very bored and decided to give that LJ Voyager game a go. I'm still bored. I'm not getting anywhere, certainly not getting back here, and it's rather unexciting anyway. I've come across some strange people, but ... no, I'm neither home nor un-bored. I've also realised I don't have a terrible lot of friends on here, and I really don't like wandering strange areas of LJ filled with people I don't know who are completely unlike anyone I'm ever likely to know.

Good bob, some of these people seem to be completely oblivious to the word 'morality'. Oh well, I'm not surprised. And now I'm running in circles, because I've just come across someone I saw before ... a long time before. BAH. I think I'm going to give up. Alright, now I've made my way to some part of LJ where some guy is going on about the providence of God or something like that, and now I'm back to some strange area devoid of morals ... why is it I can go from such massive extremes like that and still not get back here? Wow, now I've stumbled across a group of Satanists who practice self-mutilation. This might not be so boring after all, considering all the different types out there.

It's fascinating to see how many people have friended themselves.

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Later edit to add the fact that, for the third time, I have just sent an e-mail of complaint to my ISP. First time, they blamed my connection troubles on the new network they put in place, and told me to use the old one for the time being (which suited me fine), second time they passed the buck to the modem (which was wrong), and now I wonder what cop-out they'll come up with. Shit, I'm so afraid of the next phone bill. It'll be in the hundreds. It covers July 20 to August 20 or something like that, and that was at the worst stage. I feel sick thinking about it. I thought it would be around $100-$200 just on local calls ... my latest estimate is $300-$400. This might be the death of my new computer.
  • Current Music
    'Love Is Blindness' by U2
Amak Axver

Conversation with my mother

No, this conversation isn't like the one I posted this morning. I talked with Mum about the connection - it looks like my estimate of $300-$450 for the next phone bill will be correct, by the way - and, just before I approached her, I realised something. I've been ill lately. Now usually during this time of year, around late winter and spring, I usually get a runny nose in the morning, as a result of hayfever, and especially when I've had a cold involving a runny nose during the winter. However, the illness I've had lately, it's worse than usual because the runny nose has continued throughout the day and I actually feel physically sick. So I was thinking about this and I realised it all started after I found out about the phone bill. Feeling physically sick - and I still do, in my stomach - I approached Mum and told her this, and she tells me not to worry about it. She says stuff along the lines of "At least you're not out hooning around the streets, taking drugs" and this is of comfort to her, but it isn't to ME. The more I think about the bill, the more I think about how it was my fault and yet not at the same time, the more I realise I can't do thing about the past or the future until things are fixed, the more I feel ill, and Mum keeps on trying to tell me not to worry and that she isn't, that it's just one of those things, but I am worried and I do feel sick.

Am I making this worse than it should be? I imagine Mum thinks yes, and I imagine people reading this think yes as well, but I don't. I come from a poor family. The latest definition of where the poverty line is at puts us well below it. I do not have a job, Mum works part-time (indeed, it's more like part-part-time), the government keeps on kicking us in the gut with all their shitty 'benefits' and 'schemes' and red tape ... we can't afford a phone bill. The last one was over $100 and that was bad enough. We don't have spare cash floating about, and most certainly not for an exorbitant phone bill. The only person who would help us is Alan, Mum's boyfriend, and I hate the thought of bludging money off anyone to pay for this.

The second I get a job, I'll be earning money to pay Mum back for this. She'll probably refuse to take the money and I'll keep it because there's no way known to make her take it, but I'll be working with that in mind.

And just so you know, Optus is a piece of shit. NEVER get Internet from Optus. If they don't slug you with a restrictive download limit, they'll get you in other ways, such as this.

I'm not sure what to do, I'm seriously not. I've prayed about this - seriously, every time I go to connect to the Internet, I pray, asking that I connect promptly and that our money woes are taken away - but ... God seemed to be providing, and the last week or so I'd been connecting quite quickly by the standards of the last two months, but this morning ... 90 attempts. People say God provides, and so I damn well hope He provides some way so that our financial situation isn't hurt severely because of this. We can't afford $300. Good Zooropa, we can barely afford $100, if that.


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  • Current Music
    'Mysterious Ways' by U2