August 2nd, 2003

Amak Axver

My ISP shall die

I AM INFURIATED. I want to break something or kick something or smash something or do something else destructive like that, but I don't have anything to break, kick, smash, or otherwise destroy. IT JUST TOOK ME ONE HUNDRED AND SIXTY-TWO BLOODY ATTEMPTS TO GET ONLINE! HOW BLOODY RIDICULOUS CAN IT GET? Shame, shame on you, < my ISP >. This is disgraceful. You are an embarrassment to ISPs.
  • Current Music
    Does the cricket on TV count?
Amak Axver


Don’t talk to me. Leave me alone. I’m too pissed off to talk to anyone unless your name is Sam or Lauren or I talk to you first. So rack off. Talking to lots of people seems to freeze my computer. Leave me alone. Right now I don’t like you. Get lost. I fucking hate most stuff. Stupid fucking ISP. Go die. I hate you. I HATE YOU. Your pathetic ability to provide an Internet connection is fucking embarrassing and I hope you fold. Get lost. I hate you. Burn, burn, BURN. You people are stupid bloody morons who can’t seem to provide an efficient connection at all.

And I hate it how my computer freezes if lots of people talk to me at once. Useless thing. So don’t talk to me unless I talk to you.
  • Current Music
    Cricket on TV
Amak Axver

On anger

Lately, I just haven't been able to stay angry for long. Anger always seems to just turn itself into disappointment and dejection, and I just have this hurt inside of me. I can't remain furious, I can't yell and scream and rant, I just can't. I just am so disappointed and dejected with everything and I can't quite explain it.

Wake up ... wake up dead man ...
  • Current Music
    Cricket's on ... need to listen to Wake Up Dead Man by U2
Amak Axver

Wake Up Dead Man

Jesus, Jesus help me
I'm alone in this world
And a fucked up world it is too
Tell me, tell me the story
The one about eternity
And the way it's all gonna be

Wake up, wake up dead man
Wake up, wake up dead man

Jesus, I'm waiting here boss
I know you're looking out for us
But maybe your hands aren't free
Your father, He made the world in seven
He's in charge of heaven
Will you put in a word in for me

Wake up, wake up dead man
Wake up, wake up dead man

Listen to your words they'll tell you what to do
Listen over the rhythm that's confusing you
Listen to the reed in the saxophone
Listen over the hum of the radio
Listen over sounds of blades in rotation
Listen through the traffic and circulation
Listen as hope and peace try to rhyme
Listen over marching bands playing out their time

Wake up, wake up dead man
Wake up, wake up dead man

Jesus, were you just around the corner
Did You think to try and warn her
Or are you working on something new
If there's an order in all of this disorder
Is it like a tape recorder
Can we rewind it just once more

Wake up, wake up dead man
Wake up, wake up dead man
Wake up, wake up dead man

(Thank you I'd use the lyrics I've typed out but I'm only up to the Zooropa CD, 1993, and this is off Pop, 1997)
  • Current Music
    'Wake Up Dead Man' by U2
Amak Axver

I hate not knowing

I've felt so lost and empty lately. I don't even know why. Everything just seems to hurt. Sometimes even good stuff. I try to hate everything, but I can't. Some people and some things I simply cannot hate, no matter how much I want to hate. I try to be apathetic towards everything, but some people and some things I can't help but like or hate. I try not to care, and that's been the most successful thing so far, but it still doesn't work. I don't even know what's wrong with me. I have all this hurt, lots of it I don't even know what from, I feel completely lost and confused, and I just ... don't understand. What don't I understand? I don't even fully know myself. I guess life, the universe, and everything (no Hitch-Hikers pun intended ... well, not really).

Grr, now my Mum tried to unpack a bag of mine that was full of stuff from when we moved. No, don't touch my stuff. I don't care that you're my mother, don't touch my stuff. I hate people going through my stuff. It's MINE, and when it's a bag that I haven't even looked in for two or three months, I don't know what's in there and for all I know, there could be something I don't want Mum seeing. I don't know what I'd have that I don't want Mum seeing ... but it's still a possiblity, just like how I don't want her to look in my second drawer of the cabinet my TV's on, because that drawer's full of Bibles and I don't know how she'd react or what she'd think. Knowing me, I'd probably have some stupid thing I wish I'd never wrote lying at the bottom of the bag staring right at her to find. Bloody hell. Grr, I still have some letters I never sent to Lily. I would throw them away, but that seems to be too good for them. I think I'll burn them and invite all my friends. Wait, I only have one friend to invite. How depressing is that?

And totally randomly changing the topic, yesterday arvo I got a book of Hitch-Hikers Guide To The Galaxy 1-4. Shame I couldn't find 5, but yay, I now have 3 and 4! I love 3. Life, The Universe, And Everything rocks so far. Douglas Adams was a genius.

I finished Nineteen Eighty-Four last night. When I first finished it, I felt let down by the ending, but I don't any more. Fascinating book, that was. I enjoyed it.
  • Current Music
    'If God Will Send His Angels' by U2
Amak Axver


OK folks, this is a poll of sorts. Am I evil and/or heartless and/or a hypocrite? Post a comment and tell me. BE HONEST.

(Disclaimer: this was not prompted by Tasha's similar poll; people lately have called or implied that I am one, two, or all three of the above and I want to see how many people think that)
  • Current Music
    'Gone' by U2
Amak Axver

On people leaving and not arriving

My Mum just left for a holiday. She'll be gone for about ten days, and she's sailing on some boat up on the Great Barrier Reef. Good Popmart, I'm going to miss her. My Nan's staying while she's gone and Trudy's here, but it won't be the same. I like having Mum around; things get done, everything's nice and ordered, and it's just good. But she'll be gone for an entire 10 days, and she'll miss my two debates. It'll be weird not having her in the audience of a debate.

And Sam was coming round today but he was doing something else and that ended up taking longer than he expected, so he's not coming round now. I must confess I'm a bit disappointed, because I was really looking forward to him coming round. I was looking forward to table tennis and talking and stuff like that. I guess I'll just have to wait for some later day.

That's it. For now.
  • Current Music
    'Discotheque' by U2
Amak Axver

Somebody is STUPID (Somebody being my ISP)

I would copy a portion of the e-mail they sent me to here, but there's a little notice of confidentiality at the bottom of the e-mail so I won't do the copy I planned on doing. Nonetheless, they asked me STUPID questions I'd already answered in my first e-mail to them, such as what operating system I'm using and the problem I'm experiencing. Why the freaking Zooropa am I being asked that in reply to an e-mail that gives the answers? Did they just not read it? Freaking morons. In my e-mail that appears below the response, the answers are there in black and white for them to read. MORONS. I'm seriously considering getting Mum to change ISPs.
  • Current Music
    'Do You Feel Loved?' by U2 (Not by my ISP ...)