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July 31st, 2003 - Contradiction is balance. — LiveJournal [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
Axver

[ website | U2gigs.com: for all your U2 setlist needs! (Got a question, suggestion, or addition? Feel free to leave me a comment! I co-maintain the site.) ]
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July 31st, 2003

Like every other day in my life ... [31 July 2003|10:59 am]
Axver
[Current Mood |Hate (towards illness)]
[Current Music |'In A Little While' by U2]

... today is a day on which I am alive. Just thought I'd point that out. Or maybe I'm dead. Some days I like to say I am, just for the fun of it. Or maybe I'm the undead. Eh, enough of that.

I'm ill. I feel better than I felt yesterday, and I might have been able to cope at school, but I still feel ill and this fact pisses me off greatly. Come the weekend, I would've been ill for two freaking weeks, and not with something critical or dire, but just some stupid pathetic winter-y cold. This annoys me and I feel like such a freaking attention seeker for some reason. Grr. *bashes illness into a coma*

Why is it that every time I think of listening to more music, music other than U2, U2's music either suddenly becomes extremely meaningful to my life, or I discover something fantastically new about them again? I put on the All That You Can't Leave Behind CD last night ... and I'm still listening to it. It just feels so new, so good, so not-like-the-other-U2-CDs-I'd-been-listening-to. I'm even coming to like Wild Honey a bit, although I simply cannot get into Grace. U2 always seems to reinvent themselves ... listening to ATYCLB in some ways is like listening to a different band than the one that did Pop or Achtung Baby or The Joshua Tree or War. Why get into other bands when there's this one that seems like multiple bands in one? Yes, I am still going to stick to the idea of getting out there and listening to other music, don't worry about that. Just not right now. Soon. Yes, soon.

Oh, by the way, Nineteen Eighty-Four by Orwell is GENIUS. I love this book.
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A rant about something [31 July 2003|11:11 am]
Axver
[Current Mood |Something]
[Current Music |'When I Look At The World' by U2]

I have been informed that apparently over there in America, the President can stop regular programming on TV to make announcements, and that he does so regularly, regularly enough that normal programming was stopped yesterday for a freaking press conference. Good Zooropa, if that happened here, I think there'd be a revolution. If John Howard dared to stop regular programming just for a press conference, not only would multiple switchboards at both the TV networks and parliament house overload and melt down under the pressure of so many phone calls of complaint, people would be incensed. I cannot remember the last time that regular programming on the commercial networks (or SBS (Special Broadcast Service, a non-commercial network), for that matter) was stopped just so the PM could make an announcement (I think regular programming has been stopped a couple of times recently for the PM, but that's during times when regular programming stopped anyhow, such as September 11 and at the beginning of the Iraqi War, so it doesn't really count). A couple of times I believe it's been stopped on the ABC (Australian Broadcasting Commission, I think it's still government owned), but not many people watch that and usually it's known well in advance that regular programming is going to be stopped, sometimes so much so that it makes it into the TV guide and the PM's announcement is regular programming instead.

Sheesh. Stopping regular programming for a press conference seems so ... Soviet.
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Proof I am a terrible person [31 July 2003|02:22 pm]
Axver
[Current Mood |Very amused (and hypocritical)]
[Current Music |'Daddy's Gonna Pay For Your Crashed Car' by U2]

My humility is nearly perfect. [Lily. According to her, this screen name is just a joke] says:
Andre < my last name >, you are the most hypocritical person I have ever had the disadvantage of meeting. Sarah [saintcheney] disgusts me, but you horrify me. I hope to God that you don't become a pastor because then you'll be responsible for more than likely dragging many souls to hell. People like you are the reason people like my sister hate Christians.
Uncertainty can be a guiding light [myself] says:
Fascinating
Uncertainty can be a guiding light says:
Do elaborate on this theory of yours.
My humility is nearly perfect. says:
All people have to do is see what you really are to be turned off to the Gospel. The fact that you call yourself a Christian is shocking and disturbing.
Uncertainty can be a guiding light says:
I don't call myself a Christian. The stigma that comes with such a label is undesirable. I'll stick with follower of/believer in Christ.
Uncertainty can be a guiding light says:
Now, do elaborate. How am I a hypocrite? How am I so evil?
My humility is nearly perfect. says:
You can put the word f**king and the abbreviation "YBIC" in the same blasted e-mail! [I sent her an e-mail passing on a message from someone involving the word 'fucking' and signed it 'YBIC, Andre'] How is that posssible? How can you live with yourself knowing that Christ and the F word are on the same bloody page?
Uncertainty can be a guiding light says:
With great ease, for swearing is not sinful.
My humility is nearly perfect. says:
Oh, that's just great. That's just lovely.
Uncertainty can be a guiding light says:
It is, isn't it?
Uncertainty can be a guiding light says:
I challenge you to find one verse in the Bible that states swearing is wrong.
Uncertainty can be a guiding light says:
It just isn't there. Plus, ot
Uncertainty can be a guiding light says:
*it's merely the message I was told to pass on.
Uncertainty can be a guiding light says:
By the way, unless you have any severe objections, I would like to post a snippet of this conversation on a journal of mine, to display to the whole world what a hypocrite I am.
My humility is nearly perfect. says:
I don't care.
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This is rather amusing [31 July 2003|02:48 pm]
Axver
[Current Mood |Evil!]
[Current Music |'Zooropa' by U2]

Here's some more snippets of my conversation with Lily.

My humility is nearly perfect. [Lily] says:
I don't get where he's coming from, either [A friend she was arguing with - A.]. I'm not looking for a permanent, serious relationship. I'm totally not ready for another one of those. I just want to go out on dates like normal teens. He seems to think that every date ends up in a concrete relationship, though.
Uncertainty can be a guiding light [myself] says:
I don't see the point in dating if you know it's going to end soon. It's unfair on the other person
My humility is nearly perfect. says:
Not if the other person knows it's going to end soon, too.
Uncertainty can be a guiding light says:
Well then it would be pointless
My humility is nearly perfect. says:
No it wouldn't... in certain social circumstances, it's very advantageous to have a date.
Uncertainty can be a guiding light says:
Riiight.
Uncertainty can be a guiding light says:
Do explain how
My humility is nearly perfect. says:
In fact, I can't think of any social circumstances where it wouldn't be advantageous for me to have a date.
Uncertainty can be a guiding light says:
See, now you're just trying to promote yourself and push yourself up further. Seems rather contradictory to your (holier-than-thou) screen name.
My humility is nearly perfect. says:
My screen name is a joke. I saw it on a T-shirt and I thought it was funny. You shouldn't assume that's actually what I think about myself. You, of all people, should know that I wouldn't label anything about myself as perfect, or even nearly perfect.
Uncertainty can be a guiding light says:
Doesn't seem tremendously like a joke
My humility is nearly perfect. says:
All my friends laughed when they read it. They know I'd never be serious about something like that.
Uncertainty can be a guiding light says:
I thought "Oh my Zooropa, here we go again ..."
Uncertainty can be a guiding light says:
See, nothing surprises me any more.
Uncertainty can be a guiding light says:
Apathy and cynical uncertainty can do that to you.
My humility is nearly perfect. says:
"Here we go again"? I have NEVER said that I'm perfect in any way, shape, or form.
Uncertainty can be a guiding light says:
No, it seemed attention-seeking
My humility is nearly perfect. says:
If you knew anything about me, you'd know that I loathe having the spot light on me. I used to love it a few years back, but I've loathed it for quite some time now.
Uncertainty can be a guiding light says:
You don't do a good job of proving that statement true.


Uncertainty can be a guiding light says:
Shame I can't just link you to my online journal [in relation to a swearing argument - A.], but alas, this cannot be done. [I was going to say, if questioned, that I couldn't because it is a private Journal - A.]
My humility is nearly perfect. says:
I wouldn't read your journal if you paid me.
Uncertainty can be a guiding light says:
I sincerely do not believe that
My humility is nearly perfect. says:
I really don't care what you believe.
Uncertainty can be a guiding light says:
Fascinating. So, if I were to give you the address right now, you wouldn't go to it?
My humility is nearly perfect. says:
No, I wouldn't. I'm beyond disgusted with you, and I shudder to think what goes on in your head that you don't share with others.
Uncertainty can be a guiding light says:
www.livejournal.com/users/axver
Uncertainty can be a guiding light says:
By the way, thanks for the compliment. I like knowing how evil I am.
Uncertainty can be a guiding light says:
I highly recommend that you read my entry for 7:30pm, July 25, entitled 'My problems with Christianity'.
My humility is nearly perfect. says:
I never said you were evil, although I now think you are. I'm as close to hating you as I'm allowing myself to be. If you weren't so wrapped up in your own self, you'd realize that I loved you. I've never stopped loving you [GRR - A.]. That was one of the other reasons Alex [some friend of hers] and I fought today. I feel like an absolute idiot now though, for loving someone like you.
My humility is nearly perfect. says:
I'm not going to read your stupid journal. [Poll: is my journal stupid? - A.]
Uncertainty can be a guiding light says:
Wrapped up in myself? I don't feel very wrapped up, in myself or anything.
Uncertainty can be a guiding light says:
Question: am I heartless? [All of you reading this can feel free to answer as well - A.]
My humility is nearly perfect. says:
No, you're not. You like to pretend you are, though.
Uncertainty can be a guiding light says:
Shame ...
Uncertainty can be a guiding light says:
So I can't add you to my list of people who think I'm heartless and/or evil, then?
My humility is nearly perfect. says:
No, you can't. I refuse to give you that satisfaction.


Uncertainty can be a guiding light says:
Do you mind if I post any other snippet of this conversation, such as "I shudder to think what goes on in your head"? They're truly fascinating.
Uncertainty can be a guiding light says:
*snippets
My humility is nearly perfect. says:
I don't care. You'd probably do it anyway, even if I asked you not to.
Uncertainty can be a guiding light says:
No, I'm a man of integrity, and if you requested me not to, I would not. This is a private conversation, after all.
My humility is nearly perfect. says:
Lol... I'm going to bed now, with that funny statement stuck in my head. A "man of integrity" indeed!
[At this point, she either got offline or blocked me - A.]
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It's funny [31 July 2003|08:49 pm]
Axver
[Current Mood |Numb]
[Current Music |'Love Comes Tumbling' by U2]

For a person like me who loves to write, I don't feel like writing at all tonight. My mind is completely blank. I don't feel like adding on to the story on the Soon MB (though I may), I don't feel like writing any e-mails (although I'm going to), I don't feel like writing poetry or stories or anything like that, I don't feel like posting on MBs ... in fact, the crux of the matter is that I don't feel anything at all. Tonight, I am numb. Strange sensation, if indeed numbness can be a sensation. Well, I don't feel fully numb, just partly, if such a thing is possible. Eh, now I'm just confusing myself.
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On the topic of swearing [31 July 2003|09:17 pm]
Axver
[Current Mood |Good]
[Current Music |'Bad (WAIA)' by U2]

I've recently been having debates over swearing - for instance, one on the RPG Central MB, and currently one via e-mail with a friend of mine - and I just came to a revelation. Yes, I've heard it said to me before in similar fashion, but the significance of the following has really only hit me today.

When debating as to whether swearing is OK or not, most Christians - sometimes even those on the swearing-is-OK side - focus on the WORDS: shit, bastard, and the like. But the debate is not about the words; it simply cannot be. There is no logical reasoning to say that the Bible expressly condemned some words as wrong. Why would it arbitrarily decide to make some words from the English language wrong? The emotion could be expressed in a different way - if it was that important, people COULD get 'cheeseburger' to replace 'fuck' - so the word would become irrelevant and there would be no reason for it to be condemned. But even that is beside the point. The English language did not exist in Bible times and didn't exist until about 1400 years after the last piece of Scripture was written, so how could English words be condemned? They're merely elements of language, letters on a page, completely insignificant. 'Fuck', by itself, is nothing, just a few strokes of a pen or a few pixels on a screen; not a problem at all. Those same letters could form other words, such as 'fire truck'. There is no reason for words to be condemned.

Now we move on to the emotion behind the word. When used in the correct context, to express strong emotion and to create an impact - ie "The hurt from what they said was fucking massive" (sorry, can't think of a decent example) - there is nothing sinful about any swear words. It's just expressing very strong emotion, and conveying an impact to the listener/reader. When overused or used in an abusive sense, that is when you start to cross the line, but, when used CORRECTLY, the emotion behind the word is not sinful, either.

Thus, I feel this is sufficient proof swearing is not sinful. Words cannot be sinful by themselves, for, in isolation, they are merely words, a nothing (in contrast, no matter how you view it, murder, even in isolation, is sinful). The emotions behind swearing when it is used CORRECTLY are not sinful, either. Thus, if the word and the emotion are not sinful, how can swearing be sinful? It isn't. The Bible never speaks about English swear words, for it was written a long time before the English language came into existence, and nor does it speak of Hebrew, Greek, or Aramaic swear words (the three languages it is written in). A word simply cannot be sinful. 'Fuck' is no more sinful than 'dog'. It is when the emotion behind it is sinful that it becomes a sin, but it would've been sinful even if replaced with 'dictionary'.

Swearing is not sinful. I invite challenges to the ideas I have put forth.
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Why does it keep on coming back to the Christians? [31 July 2003|11:30 pm]
Axver
[Current Mood |Lost]
[Current Music |'With Or Without You (RAH live)' by U2]

Why is it that so many problems come back to Christians? Now music is a problem. Bono isn't such a great lyricist because not all of his lyrics praise God. WHAT THE NUMB LEMON ARE YOU ON ABOUT? Grr, I hate being known as a Christian. I'm not rejecting God, I fully believe in Him, but I don't want to be known as a Christian. I'm just struggling ... I don't know what to do. My prayers seem empty, God seems to be elsewhere, I feel like I'm going nowhere (Running to stand still), I feel like my faith is getting me nowhere, I feel ... so many things I can't describe. I need God here, I need Him now, I need Him to get off His cloud, get down here, set foot in my house, and help me out. While He's sitting up there on His cloud, smiling towards earth, He's not helping me.

Jesus never let me down
You know, Jesus used to show me the score
Then they put Jesus in show business
Now it's hard to get in the door
(U2, If God Will Send His Angels)

To continue the train of thought along lines of IGWSHA, that song discusses that even if God were to send His angels or a sign, would that actually make everything alright? Would it? I don't know. I'd like to think "Yes, I'd see the sign, everything would be good again!", but is that really true? It's like "We thought that we had the answers/It was the questions we had wrong" (11 O'clock Tick Tock) - I think I have the answer (God sending a sign would solve it all), but would it really? I'm just so lost. So very lost. Can anyone help? I cry out for help from above, but alas, I'm not getting any. Maybe I'm just blind to it, I don't know, but I'm not getting it ...
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