July 1st, 2003

Amak Axver

Agony

This is so very sad. Less than two hours to go now. I don't know quite how to describe what this is like. It's not like watching a friend die - that would be much more painful, I would imagine - but it's still painful and sad and awful. I wish it didn't have to go, and these final two hours are going to be agony. I don't want it to go. I love the place so much.

What I cannot believe is that Christian IBO2 is still at it. He's still prancing about on his holier-than-thou horse and acting like an arrogant, judgemental jerk. The boards will be dead in less than two hours! Be nice for a change! Although maybe it'll kill him to be nice for more than half a microsecond of his life. His attitude revolts and repulses me.

I can't believe it's ending like this. I can't believe it's ending at all. It was something so certain, so fixed in my life, something I never thought would go. I hate the people at Tyndale for giving me and others this agony. I hate them so much, the miserable rotten sods. I know I shouldn't hate, but I am. I can't stand them. What they've done is WRONG BEYOND BELIEF.
Amak Axver

A survey I stole from saintcheney (does the neat link thing work in the subject line?)

APPEARANCE
hair: Is on my head.
eyes: Magnified by glasses.
height: Short enough to take over the world.

STYLE
clothing: Is stuff I wear.
music: U2.
bodyart: I love to write U2 lyrics on my back. Yes I do!

RIGHT NOW
wearing: The same thing I've been wearing for the last couple of days. I recycle clothing.
listening to: The Joshua Tree CD by U2.
thinking of: The fact that the LBMB has only one hour left, and how sad and distressing that fact is.

LAST THING YOU...
bought: The Pop CD by U2. In fact, I still owe Mum for that ... bad Andre. Hang on, I also bought a movie ticket a couple of nights ago ...
read: Sarah's answers to this.
watched on tv: The end half of Frasier (got home from Subway during the middle, shame I missed the start)

EITHER/OR
club or houseparty: My very own U2 club with only U2-obsessed people like myself and our targets to be converted into U2-obsessed people like myself.
tea or coffee: Coffee, but only loaded up with sugar.
achiever or slacker: I'm a slack achiever, or a slacker who achieves a lot. In other words, I'm very slack but somehow I still achieve lots of stuff.
beer or cider: Don't care.
cats or dogs: Cats. Dogs give me asthma and a runny nose.
single or taken: Single.
pen or pencil: Pen.
gloves or mittens: Never need them in Queensland.
food or candy: Hmm ... methinks somebody is very slow. Unless I missed something lately, candy IS food.
cassette or cd: CD, definitely.
coke or pepsi: Coke.
matches or a lighter: As long as it burns Tyndale, it's good enough for me!

WHO DO YOU WANT TO...
kill: Jerry Jenkins and anyone who works at Tyndale. Oh yes, and Christian IBO2.
hear from: People. You. Anyone. Lauren, because she wasn't online today.
be like: The Edge.
avoid: stereotypical freaking Christians, and Muslims.

LAST PERSON YOU...AND WHEN?
talked to: I'm assuming you mean in person. That would be my mother.
hugged: Again my mother.
instant messaged: I'm talking to Ally, Ashley, and Alli right now. And I'm Andre. Go the 'A's.
kissed: Haven't kissed anyone in absolute ages.
who broke your heart: I don't know.

WHERE DO YOU
eat: Wherever. At a table. In front of TV with a tray. Anywhere.
dance: Ha ... you don't want to see me dancing. I guess the air guitar I do to my U2 videos could count as a form of dancing. Air guitar is fun. Just make sure you can't see me when I start doing it, or the trauma may kill you.
cry: Wherever. When I feel upset. Doesn't matter where I am.

HAVE YOU EVER...
Dated one of your best friends?: Nope.
Loved somebody so much it makes you cry?: Um ...
Drank alcohol?: I love wine. Never been drunk, though.
Done drugs?: Definitely not anything illegal.
Broken the law?: Yes. I stole four Pokemon cards when I was 12.
Ran away from home?: No. Well, I've seriously contemplated running away when I've stayed at my Dad's. Had everything prepared and planned out, too.
  • Current Music
    'One Tree Hill' by U2
Amak Axver

Quizzes and fun stuff like that

You Are Beauty
You are Beauty.

You are beautiful, whether it be on the inside, the
outside, or both. People are drawn to you as
strongly as you are drawn to the beauty in the
world around you.


What Emotion Are You?
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pg13
What rating is your journal?

brought to you by Quizilla


Brown Eyes


What C

NINJA
You have been involved in a shameful online RPG,
and your soul will never be clean. You've
soiled the memory of a dead author and
neglected yourself and other human beings for
months at a time; there is no way to make up
for this. The Lord has turned His eyes from you
forever!

Keep back, you utter trash!


Why Will You Go To Hell?
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I probably just mucked up some of those codes, too. Typical me ...
Amak Axver

And the sun goes down on the LBMB ...

It's over. Gone. Kaputt. End of story.

But it CAN'T BE OVER! I NEED it to still be there. I don't just want it to be there, it wouldn't just be nice for it to be there, it wouldn't just be a pleasant occurrence for it to pop back into existence. I NEED THE LBMB. It was a happy place, a place where I could go to escape everything else, a place I could go and cry on when I needed to, a place to socialise, a place to debate and learn, a place to help me to grow as a person. Without it, I feel like I am less of a person. Without it, we all are less. It was something so wonderful.

What I truly cannot stand is how people who never went to the LBMB - in particular YTF - or only went there from time to time just don't get it and don't care. They think I'm a stupid bloody prat for feeling how I do, but they just don't understand, and none seem to make much of an effort to, either. My best friend told me to mourn for a day and move on. This isn't just those "Oh I'm upset now but I'll be right in the morning" things. Why don't I just go take away HIS home? See how he likes it ...

I am so lost when I get online now. I used to check my e-mails, check my (vehemently evil) download limit, and then go to the LBMB. Sometimes I would go straight to YTF first, before checking e-mails and the limit. But now, I check my e-mails, check my download limit, and then sit there dithering, unsure what to do or where to go. I'm so lost, like I'm wandering about aimlessly in the wilderness. I'm almost at the point of asking "Who am I?", but at least I know the answer to THAT: "A better person thanks to YTF".

"If I could/You know I would/If I could, I would/Let it go" - U2, Bad

Perfect quote for how I feel right now, that is.

And one that really sums up how I feel about YTF;

"There's a place I go and it's a part of me" - U2, Stories For Boys

Finally, one that is insanely appropriate to the situation at hand;

"Is it like a tape recorder?/Can we rewind it just once more?" - U2, Wake Up Dead Man
  • Current Music
    'Bad' by U2
Amak Axver

The prayer of the Tyndale executive

Tyndale executive: "Oh great dollar sign, may I always be gaining pieces of paper with you on them. May you always be near to me, always accumulating, never decreasing. May I be with you forever, may I crush all in my way to get another single cent, may I place you above all else. You are my god and my leader, and may I never cease to serve you. Oh dollar sign, with your curve and straight line, you make me complete, and I need more of you. May I ruin many great things to accumulate more of you. May my material wealth continue to grow. $$$$."
Amak Axver

I stole this off Pat, who stole it off Tasha. Go the stealing!

B A S i C Q U E S T i O N S
[ my name is ]- You really should know by now.
[ my nicknames are ]- Dre, Andark, Axver.
[ all i need is ]- Quite a few things, actually.
[ love is ]- Essential.
[ if i could see one person right now ]- I'd say something to them.
[ im afraid of ]- Teenybopper spelling! And apple stickers.
[ i dream about ]- Generally I forget them. Pisses me off, too, because all I can remember is that they were good.

W i T H T H E O P P O S i T E S E X . . .
[ what do you notice first? ]- I don't know ... smile, I guess.
[ last person you danced with ]- Ha! Dancing is a bad, bad move when you're with me.


W H O . . .
[ makes you laugh the most? ]- The folks at YTF.
[ makes you smile ]- You, because you're taking the time to read this.
[ gives you a funny feeling when you see them ]- Um ...
[ has a crush on you ]- Probably no-one.
[ easier to talk to: boys or girls? ]- Depends what topic. Generally girls.


W H O W A S T H E L A S T P E R S O N . . .
[ you talked to ]- I'm talking to Sam and Allison online right now. Verbally, my mother.
[ hugged ]- My Mum.
[ you instant messaged ]- Sam and Allison.
[ you laughed with ]- With? Don't know. I've laughed online at stuff and whoever I've been talking to has said they've also laughed, but actually with? I don't know. Probably (a different) Sam.


M O R E Q U E S T i O N S . . .
[ i want ]- Money. You to be my slave. World domination. The LBMB back. Jenkins to die. Tyndale to fold. All kinds of things.
[ i love ]- U2.
[ i miss ]- Stuff.
[ i fear ]- Apple stickers.
[ i hear ]- The sound of me typing, and the U2 CD I have on.
[ i wonder ]- If YTF going is just some horrible nightmare I haven't woken up from yet.

S E V E N T H I N G S Y O U L O V E T O D O
- Read
- Write
- Listen to U2
- Talk to my friends
- Go to YTF
- Watch M*A*S*H
- Play my electric guitar



S E V E N T H I N G S / P E O P L E T H A T A N N O Y Y O U
- Princess*
- Christian IBO2
- Being terminally poor
- My Dad
- People who don't like U2 and think they're crap (Where's their taste in music got to?)
- Teenyboppers
- Thieves

F I V E T H I N G S Y O U D O E V E R Y D A Y
- Sleep
- Read and/or write
- Breathe
- Listen to U2
- Talk to my friends online

O N E P E R S O N Y O U C O U L D S P E N D Y O U R L I F E W I T H F O R E V E R
- If I said a name, I know you'd get the wrong idea.


A N 0 T H E R 0 N E
[ pierce your nose or tongue ]- Never
[ be serious or be funny ]- Serious
[ coke or pepsi ]- Coke
[ whole or skim milk ]- Don't give a rat's blue anus. I rarely drink milk. Feral stuff, that.
[ single or taken ]- Single.
[ simple or complicated ] Er, what kind of simple or complicated?
[ law or anarchy ]- People actually say anarchy?
[ flowers or angels ]- Angels.
[ grey or gray ]- People, it's GREY.
[ read or write ]- Both
[ color or black-and-white photos ]- Ha. Colour forever.
[ sunrise or sunset ]- Sunrise.
[ m&m's or skittles ]- Skittles!
[ rap or rock ]- Rock, by far. Rap, on the whole, is pathetic.
[ stay up late or wake up late ] Stay up late.
[ tv or radio ]- TV.
[ is it pop or soda ]- NEITHER! It is either soft drink or fizzy drink. NOT sop or poda. NOT Soda or pop, either.
[ x or o in tic-tac-toe ]- X
[ eat an apple or an orange ]- Apple.
[ what came first the chicken or the egg ]- Everyone knows it was the chicken.
[ hot or cold ]- Cold!
[ dead or alive ]- Alive.
[ tall members of the opposite sex or short ]- Meh.
[ sun or moon ]- Moon. The sun annoys me. Can't it leave me alone for one day?
[ emerald or ruby ]- Emerald
[ left or right ]- Right
[ ten acquaintances or one best friend ]- One best friend.
[ vanilla ice cream or chocolate ice cream ]- I will sue the first person to say vanilla.
[ high or drunk ]- Neither!
[ green beans or carrots ]- Both are feral. But I'll take the green beans
[ low fat or fat free ]- Low fat.
[ what is your biggest fear in the world ]- Being a failure.
[ kids or no kids ]- Kids.
[ cat or dog ]- Cat.
[ half empty or half full ]- It's twice as big as it needs to be.
[ mustard or ketchup ]- Ketchup.
[ hard cover books or soft cover books ]- Hard cover.
[ newspaper or magazine ]- Depends what kind of newspaper or magazine.
[ sandals or sneakers ]- Sneakers.
[ wonder or amazement ]- Amazement.
[ red car or white car ]- Red.
[ happy and poor or sad and rich ]- Happy and poor.
[ singing or dancing ]- Singing. (Oh how I wish I could sing ...)
[ hugging or kissing ]- Meh.
[ corduroy or plaid ]- Fashion sucks ...
[ happy or sad ]- Happy!
[ purple or green ]- Green.
[ a year of hot sex or a lifetime of friendship ]- Lifetime of friendship.

M O R E
[ what's your full name ]- You must know by now.
[ what are your nicknames ]- You've already asked this!
[ how old are you ]- 16
[ when is your birthday ]- 17th of January.
[ how tall are you ]- 5'4.5"-5'5"
[ what color are your eyes ]- Light blue/grey
[ where were you born ]- Wellington, New Zealand.
[ where do you live now ]- Queensland, Australia.
[ piercing ]- None. Don't want one.
[ tattoos ]- See above.
[ do you get along with your parents ]- My Mum, very well. My Dad, not so good.
[ when is your bedtime ]- Whenever I feel like it on non-school nights, usually around 10 or 11pm on schoolnights.
[ what size shoe are you ]- Can't remember.
[ have you ever been arrested ]- No.
[ who's your role model ]- Don't really have one. Bono and The Edge are pretty cool, though.
[ what is the best thing you have done ]- Stopped being an atheist and come to faith.
[ what type of shampoo/conditioner do you use ]- Whatever my Mum buys me.
[ do you have any pets ]- Two birds.
[ do you have any siblings ]- Thankfully not.
[ names ]- No ...
[ nationality ]- New Zealander.
[ what is your astrological sign ]- Big woop. Yes, my astrological sign is Big woop! I'm so unique.
[ who is your best friend ]- Sam.

W H I C H O F Y O U R F R I E N D S I S
[ best looking ]- Don't know.
[ ugliest ]- Probably me.
[ loudest ]- Me!
[ quietest ]- Umm ... Aaron, maybe.
[ strangest ]- Definitely Aaron.
[ most insane ]- Me!
[ most annoying ]- Patrick or Tim Burns
[ most lovable ]- Um ...
[ favorite one(s) to be with ]- Sam.
[ known the longest ]- Chris.
[ who do you go to with your problems ]- Sam, and my marvellous online friends (I'm only using the group that I hang around at school with (and Chris in NZ) for the purposes of these answers).
[ who comes to you with theirs ]- Quite a few people.
[ who knows the most about you ]- Probably Sam.
[ where do you hang out with your friends ]- On the unused bag racks outside the ESL classroom or the English Staffroom (yes we do get told to shut up for being noisy at times), and in the library or Computer Room D.
[ how many of your friends do you trust ]- Don't have that many to trust. Sure don't trust Burns, though.
[ how many have back-stabbed you ]- Only one, I think.
[ name all the ones you trust ]- Sam, Tom, Aaron.
[ list the friends that you think you will always have ]- Sam. Hopefully I'll be able to know some of the wonderful people I know online in person, too.
[ important qualities in a friend ]- Honesty, kindness, friendliness, depth (I hate shallow people, and they usually avoid me because of how I look), stuff like that.
[ what's your best quality ]- My intelligence.
[ what's your worst quality ]- Too many to name.
[ what do you do best ]- Writing novels.
[ what makes you cry ]- Things.
[ are you happy right now ]- Yes.
[ what makes you happy ]- Lots of stuff. U2.
[ do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend ]- No.
[ do you have a crush ]- I'm going to crush you in ... *checks watch* ... 47 seconds.
[ describe their personality ]- No has a terrible personality. He is very negative, depressing, and loves to deny things.

[ do you stalk them ]- I'm stalking you! Bwahaha!
[ does your crush like you back ]- I am sick of the word 'crush'. It makes me think of teenyboppers.
[ describe a perfect date ]- Perfect. Duh.
[ how will it end ]- In some way, shape, or form.
[ describe love in your own words ]- Why can't I just use 1 Corinthians 13:4-8a? It's better than my own words.

---------------------------------------------------------

Name: Guess.
Birthdate: Told you already.
Nicknames: Andark, Dre, Axver
E-mail Address: You probably have it already. If you don't, ask me.

~Theme Songs & Quotes~
Best theme song for life: I don't know ...
Quote for life: "You're not a can of soup. Don't let people you come across label you." (Yes, marvellous quote Pat)
Best theme song for love: Er ... Pick a U2 song. Any song. Any song will do.
Quote for love: 1 Corinthians 13:4-8a
Best theme song for family: Wouldn't have a clue.
Best theme song for friends: Again, wouldn't have a clue.
Best theme song for happiness: 'Gloria' by U2.
Best theme song for depression: 'The Electric Co. (UABRS CD version)' by U2
Best theme song for fun: 'Party Girl' by U2.

~Favorites~
Song: 'Gloria (UABRS CD version)' by U2.
Rock song: Does 'Gloria' count? If not, does 'Walk On'? If not, 'The Electric Co. (UABRS)' probably does.
Rap song: I can't stand most rap, but I enjoy a couple of Eminem songs I've just forgotten the names of ... oh yes, there was 'Lose Yourself'.
Country song: I hate Country with a passion. But if you play it in reverse, your pickup is fixed and your dog comes home.
Classical song: Don't listen to much classical. However, some of it is quite nice.
Punk song: Don't know.
Pop song: Pop sucks.
Movie: 'The Great Escape'!
Romance movie: Don't really watch romance movies ...
Comedy movie: 'Rat Race' is pretty funny.
Suspense movie: Not totally sure.
Horror movie: Not a big fan of horror, but it can be quite good. I want to see 'The Ring' real bad.
Action movie: 'The Matrix'
Historic movie: Don't know. Does 'The Great Escape' count?
  • Current Music
    'Promenade' by U2
Amak Axver

Some other quiz thing

Hermione Granger is your Hunk of Burnin' Love.
Hermione Granger is your Hunk of Burnin' Love.


Who Is Your Gryffindor Hunk of Burnin' Love?
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Out of any fictional character I have ever come across, she officially has the WORST name. Enough to put me off HP. Seriously, what was Rowling thinking? Geez, even names the general populus can't pronounce - i.e. Andrzj Niznij Uncinskij Rybodcastok Azerbaijan Bretwoskij - are better than that. In fact, the only name worse is Hubert.
  • Current Music
    'Indian Summer Sky' by U2