Good Zooropa, this is going to suck so badly. I'm waiting for her to call, and I hate this waiting. Maybe her tour bus will crash ... no, Andre, don't think that, you shouldn't think that. That's VERY wrong of me to even think that ... but it's just I'm feeling so many emotions - none of them good - the worry and torment has deprived me of sleep, she's ruining my holidays, and right now I can't stnad her and don't want to meet her. I feel sick in the stomach.
Why the fuck did I ever get into a relationship with her? Look what she's doing to me! Why didn't I listen when I was told she would only cause me problems? Why the fuck didn't I listen? Why the fuck did I ignore people who KNEW HER and just went off doing my own thing. I was so fucking ignorant. Sorry for the language, but ... nothing can describe how I feel. Even 'fuck' feels weak.
I just ... hate this. I hate the fact I ever got into a relationship with Lily, because look where it's got me! Good bob I do stupid things at times.