Axver (axver) wrote,

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Grr ...

I'm so nervous about meeting Lily. Not nervous as in the good nervous, but nervous because I fear that she isn't real, that everything will go crap, and stuff like that. I don't want to meet her. I'm wasting my time and I don't want to go. But I want to know if she's real, and ... yeah. Maybe I'll have to be blunt with her. Only problem is, a few of the members of her tour group will be coming with her. THAT REALLY PISSES ME OFF. It compromises my safety ... and I just don't like meeting lots of people I don't want to meet all at once.

Good Zooropa, this is going to suck so badly. I'm waiting for her to call, and I hate this waiting. Maybe her tour bus will crash ... no, Andre, don't think that, you shouldn't think that. That's VERY wrong of me to even think that ... but it's just I'm feeling so many emotions - none of them good - the worry and torment has deprived me of sleep, she's ruining my holidays, and right now I can't stnad her and don't want to meet her. I feel sick in the stomach.

Why the fuck did I ever get into a relationship with her? Look what she's doing to me! Why didn't I listen when I was told she would only cause me problems? Why the fuck didn't I listen? Why the fuck did I ignore people who KNEW HER and just went off doing my own thing. I was so fucking ignorant. Sorry for the language, but ... nothing can describe how I feel. Even 'fuck' feels weak.

I just ... hate this. I hate the fact I ever got into a relationship with Lily, because look where it's got me! Good bob I do stupid things at times.

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