One seventeen year old male is seeking an unpaid servant to clean his desk for him. This unpaid servant must make his or her own way to dirty-desk-male's house, clean it for him so that he may be able to study without knocking numerous items (including television remotes, desktop fans, and old drafts of English assignments) onto the floor, store everything in locations where dirty-desk-male will be able to find them without complaining that everything's "too clean", and bring mathematics textbooks that are written in English, make sense, and are appropriate to his current studies. Should unpaid servant bring U2 bootlegs (preferably sourced from the best quality tapes and in .wav format, or even better, on DVD), unpaid servant may be able to remove the 'un'. The United Nations, that is. Dirty-desk-male has no cash to spare. Unpaid servant can bring cash so that dirty-desk-male has more, but he still will not be sparing it. Upon satisfactory completion of task previously specified, unpaid servant may find more enthralling and fulfilling tasks to accomplish in dirty-desk-male's room, such as reorganising his bookshelf into alphabetical order and putting his Time magazines into chronological order.
So don't delay! This job is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to meet dirty-desk-male and allow him to continue to be lazy! Apply immediately, though all applicants will be accepted. Your services towards helping dirty-desk-male improve his life will be most appreciated and there will be rewards, such as being able to listen to U2 24/7.
--- 11:21am ---
Aforementioned dirty-desk-male would like to direct your attention to this INCREDIBLE U2 auction on e-bay. This has surfaced?! *collapses*
Please consider donating US$18,000.00 to André's U2 Fund so that he may purchase above-linked rarity. Your donation would be greatly appreciated and further a worthy cause.