Axver (axver) wrote,

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Hello, I'm the subject line. How are you today?

I think the bird hates me now. Yes, a pet hates me. How privileged I must feel.

There's absolutely nothing in the house to eat, or at least that I want to eat. There's actually plenty of things, I just don't feel like any of them because I'm terribly picky when it comes to food. I sincerely hope none of you ever have to feed me.

I'll almost certainly be going to school tomorrow. Mum's speaking of it as if it's a definite, and while I'm not so sure, I WANT to go. The Passion! I really do not want to miss that. OK, so I'll have to take a Geography exam, but it sounds nice and easy so that's alright. I am really angry at myself though. I've got a whole heap of work I SHOULD have done, but I HAVEN'T. I'm going to go do some of it now, but the problem is I also owe two people e-mails, and have for a while. It's really a case of e-mail or work, and I'm going to have to choose the work. Why can't everyone have an LJ? That would make life significantly easier and negate any need for me to use e-mail. I don't like doing e-mails any more, and that is no comment on the people I'm e-mailing, but on the process of e-mail itself. It's tired and worn and I'm happier using LJ. The only two things online that I haven't lost interest in are messageboards and LJ ... I don't know what that says, but that's the case. Oh, and downloading U2 never gets tiresome. I updated my website last night so I think it's fully up-to-date now.

You know, some people need to hurry some things up. Especially when you're meant to be mailing me U2 stuff that I've had on my incoming list for too long. I'm a patient guy, but there's a point where that patience starts to draw thin.

Sarah just gave me a wonderful quote by a member of U2. Not Bono, the King of Insightful Quotes. Not Edge, the quiet guy who randomly says very smart or funny things. Not Adam, who's always got an interesting thing. Not any of those three, but LARRY. "I am a Christian and not ashamed of that. But trying to explain my beliefs, our beliefs, takes away from it. I have more in common with somebody who doesn't believe at all than I do with most Christians. I don't mind saying that." I have a new respect for The Hitman now.

Hmm. Another reason I love U2: listening to them makes me feel happy. It actually takes my mind off the disappointment, cynicism, and general disdain I feel towards the world. What I dislike is that in expressing such an opinion, I probably get lumped with all those other teenagers who harp on about hating the world, but it's just because they don't get their own way or because they're selfish brats or their Mummy took away their pocket money or whatever. If I felt so inclined, I could probably write a number of pages on exactly what I feel towards the world, why, and how it can work to rectify this situation. Some people harp on with the Bible verse of "Be in the world but not of it" and so often when they do, THEY MISS THE POINT. I think the verse is just stating the glaringly obvious. One day I'm going to write a serious examination of that verse because it is so often taken out of context and used in ways it should never be used in by people who are ignorant.

Ignorance. That's a problem, and I feel I have, in a way, slipped into it. Why? Because I simply do not watch the news or keep up with it in any way apart from through my Time magazines and what I come across online. But there's a reason behind this ignorance, if you want to class it that. I just got sick of hearing about depressing stuff, and rather than desensitising me, it just got worse every time until I just didn't want to watch. There are things that shouldn't be happening, and so many injustices that people get away with, and it's hurtful. Some of this violence is so wrong, and the fact that people think problems can be solved just by throwing a bit of money around is almost as wrong. Dumping millions of dollars into an impoverished nation split by civil war WILL NOT SOLVE MUCH AT ALL. Money does not patch up wounds, money does not remove cultural barriers, money does not erase hate; it really doesn't do much. And often, we try the white-out solution: we try to blank out what's there, but under that layer of white, the words - that is, whatever's wrong - is still there, seething beneath the surface, and if you turn the page over, you can see that it's still there. It's not going away. White-out solutions don't work, and neither does money.

But people want quick ways out. They don't want to throw the effort into the hard, arduous paths that take longer but get real results, they just want to get things done and solved NOW. I feel that explains why many people are suicidal, and it explains why a younger, more ignorant me was. People just don't want to see things through, they want the fix now, and they're that set on it that they haven't noticed that if they lift their head up, they'll see the light at the end of the tunnel. Indeed, they haven't even noticed they're in a tunnel, or much else at all. One ironic thing I noticed is that I said 'they want the fix now', which obviously brings drug use to mind. Not only do I despise drug use, but I fail to see any point to it whatsoever. I would love to know what's so great about pumping something deadly into your system that causes you to lose grasp of reality and control of your senses, messes with your head, does all kinds of weird stuff to you, and basically messes you up. What is the point in that? Why would you want to blank yourself out to what's around you unless you're that weak that you can't rise above it? It seems thoroughly pointless to me, and that's because it IS.

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