Axver (axver) wrote,

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The Passion ... nearly.

I find Ranty's screen name on MSN most amusing: "André is a bitch. Always has been. Always will be." That cracked me up.

Tonight, there was an article on a current affairs show (Today Tonight) about Mel Gibson's new movie, The Passion. It had some shorts of it - wow, it looks fantastic - and discussed how some think it's anti-semitic. Personally, I think that's a pile of rubbish. The Jews crucified Christ, and I don't think there's any way to get around that. If The Passion is anti-semitic, so is the Bible. Sheesh, it's so ridiculous what some people will accuse things of being. (2007 edit: Sheesh, it's also so ridiculous some of the crap you find in your own LJ! What the fuck was I on about here? The Romans crucified Christ! Ugh.) HOWEVER, I worked out my own, non-controversial version of The Passion;

Boy is born in America to hard-working middle class family. Parents are good folks, never been in trouble with the law, all the neighbours love them, they are socially accepted as 'good people', and the child has a good upbringing, making decent grades at school while befriending everyone, being tolerant of differences, respecting teachers, and not getting involved in any breaches of the rules. When he goes to university, he formulates some ideas and begins to speak to people, encouraging them on ways they can improve their lives and be nicer to each other without any real personal commitment or change on their behalf. He gathers a loyal following of twelve followers representing all ethnic, sexual, and other groups and minorities. People often come to him, telling him how he's changed their life or asking for some assistance on majorly important issues along the lines of "I have a girlfriend but I like another girl" or "I have an essay due tomorrow and I haven't started it because I spent the week partying" or "I need a condom".

However, in a twist, one of the loyal followers, the black bisexual Russian Svetlana Drepovskaya, decides that this man, appropriately named John Smith, is not doing things right and comes up with her own theories. One day, while John is out in a garden doing some free service for his university, she walks up to him, and because, despite her disagreement with him, she has a crush on him, she greets him with a kiss. Surprised, he asks her what's up, and she tells him that she would be honoured if he would join her for a debate of opinions that night and one of her friends hands him a one page description of her beliefs.

That night, the debate takes place in a public forum. Svetlana presents her case first, and she receives a rousing reception. John goes to present his case, but when he picks up his palm cards, he gets a papercut, and halfway through his first rebuttal point, he notices his card is all bloody, and then he faints from blood loss. Later that night, John dies in hospital. There is a massive turn-out to his funeral, the pastor gives a feel good speech assuring everyone that John is very much in Heaven, and urges them all to go and teach the world the messages of love and tolerance that he taught them.

That is The Passion of John Smith. The end.
Tags: christianity, satire, theology

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