Axver (axver) wrote,
Axver
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Random mutterings of a bored man

Wow, I can't believe LJ codes are gone. Hooray! Here's a welcome to all the folks I know who are now getting themselves LJs. Maybe I'll get Sam to get one ... or maybe not.

Wow, I can't believe how bored I am today, and how Lauren's had a 3 hour long brb. That has to be a record of some sort.

Probably be working the trains again tonight, and it'll just be Sam and I. Installed his copy of Microsoft Office on my computer last night, and I'm so, so glad to have Word back. I would've gone nuts without it.

I need to get around to doing more writing. I really do. I have the time now, so I should take advantage of it. And get a job.

Wow, I love U2 bootlegs. Madly heart. Shalom, Tel Aviv!

--- 2:24pm ---

Political Science 101

DEMOCRAT

You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
You feel guilty for being successful.
Barbara Streisand sings for you.

REPUBLICAN

You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
So?

SOCIALIST

You have two cows.
The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.

COMMUNIST

You have two cows.
The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
You wait in line for hours to get it.
It is expensive and sour.

CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE

You have two cows.
You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE

You have two cows.
The government taxes you to the point where you have to sell both cows to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your government.

BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE

You have two cows.
The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, and then pours the milk down the drain.

AMERICAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You sell one, lease it back to yourself, and do an IPO on the 2nd one.
You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows.
You are surprised when one cow drops dead.
You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have down-sized and so are reducing your expenses.
Your stock goes up.

FRENCH CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.
You go to lunch and drink wine.
Life is good.

JAPANESE CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.
Most are at the top of their class at cow school.

GERMAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour.
Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.

ITALIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman.
You break for lunch.
Life is good.

RUSSIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You have some vodka.
You count your cows and learn you have five.
You have some more vodka.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
The Mafia shows up and promptly takes however many cows you really have.

TALIBAN CORPORATION

You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two.
You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature's private parts.
Then you kill them and claim a US bomb blew them up while they were in the hospital.

IRAQI CORPORATION

You have two cows.
They go into hiding.
They send radio tapes of their mooing.

POLISH CORPORATION

You have two bulls.
Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.

FLORIDA CORPORATION

You have a black cow and a brown cow.
Everyone votes for the best-looking one.
Some of the people who like the brown one best, vote for the black one.
Some people vote for both.
Some people vote for neither.
Some people can't figure out how to vote at all.
Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which is the best-looking cow.

CALIFORNIAN

You have a cow and a bull.
The bull is depressed.
It has spent its life living a lie.
It goes away for two weeks.
It comes back after a taxpayer-paid sex-change operation.
You now have two cows.
One makes milk; the other doesn't.
You try to sell the transgender cow.
Its lawyer sues you for discrimination.
You lose in court.
You sell the milk-generating cow to pay the damages.
You now have one rich, transgender, non-milk-producing cow.
You change your business to beef. PETA pickets your farm.
Jesse Jackson makes a speech in your driveway.
Cruz Bustamante calls for higher farm taxes to help "working cows".
Hillary Clinton calls for the nationalisation of 1/7 of your farm "for the children."
Gray Davis signs a law giving your entire farm to Mexico.
The L.A. Times quotes five anonymous cows claiming you groped their teats.
You declare bankruptcy and shut down all operations.
The cow starves to death.
The L.A. Times' analysis shows your business failure is Bush's fault

AUSTRALIAN

You have a bull and a cow.
A dingo steals their baby.
The RSPCA accuses you of killing it.
You are sent to jail and, upon a retrial, acquitted five years later.
Your bull and cow have died.

NEW ZEALANDER v1

You have two cows.
They feel out of place.
You buy some sheep and sell the cows to the Australian.

NEW ZEALANDER v2

You have two cows.
They dream of playing for the All Blacks.
They aren't selected.
They go to counselling for depression.

MAORI

You have no cows.
You launch a legal battle, claiming a white-owned farm is actually sacred tribal ground.
You win.
You have lots of sheep but no cows.
You sell them and move to Australia.

ABORIGINE

You had two cows.
They were bought off you by the white government.
Fifty years later, their children come back to you.
You sue the government for stealing them.
The "Lost Generation" of cows becomes a political nightmare for the government of the day.
You win your lawsuit.
Life is good.

VICTORIAN

You have two cows.
You sign them up for the local AFL team.

COLLINGWOOD MAGPIES FAN

You have two cows.
The Brisbane Lions are playing the Collingwood Magpies in the AFL grand final.
You bet your two cows that Collingwood will win.
Collingwood loses.
You lose your cows to a bloke from Brisbane who already has the other two you lost last year.

U2 FAN

You have two cows, whose milk you sell to make a living.
You trade them for a couple of rare U2 bootlegs.
You run out of money.
You sell the bootlegs to buy your cows back.
However, they're now worth more and you can only buy one back.
You aren't making much money so you trade one for another rare bootleg.
You die, but at least you passed away listening to good music.

ALASKAN

You have two cows.
Russia is on one side.
Canada is on the other.
They are American.
The weather is bitterly cold.
There are lots of earthquakes.
Taking all this into account, the cows run away.

IRISHMAN

You have two cows.
You take them to a U2 concert.
Bono buys them.
He gives them to starving children in Africa.
You starve back in Ireland.

AUSTRALIAN LABOUR PARTY MEMBER

You have a herd of cows.
Kim Beazley wants a casserole for dinner.
Your herd is shot.

JEW

You have two cows.
You loan them to a non-Jew, charge him high interest, and make lots of money.
Life is good.

ANARCHY

You have no cows.
Your neighbour has two.
You shoot him and steal his cows.
A warlord shoots your cows.
You shoot the warlord and take over the area.
Life is good.
UN peacekeepers arrive.
You are arrested for war crimes.
Life is not good.

MATRIX FAN

There is no cow.

LORD OF THE RINGS FAN

You have two cows.
You trade them for the One Ring.
You now control the man you gave the cows to, and hence still have control over the cows.
Life is good.

NAZISM

You have four cows.
You kill one for being Jewish.
You kill the second for being a communist.
You kill the third for being gay with the communist.
You send the fourth to invade Poland.

I wrote some of those. Your challenge: guess which ones! (Not just the Irish and U2 fan ones!)

--- 10:30pm ---

NAME 4 BAD HABITS YOU HAVE:
1) Arrogance.
2) Procrastination.
3) Being too logical.
4) Being addicted to the Internet.

NAME 4 PEOPLE CURRENTLY ON YOUR BAD SIDE:
1) Matt Marino
2) Nick Penman
3) All of U2 apart from Edge, because they're making the new album too slow.
4) People who don't see my point

NAME 4 SCENTS YOU LOVE:
1) ...
2) ...
3) ... still nothing ...
4) ... take a hint ...

NAME 4 THINGS YOU'D NEVER WEAR:
1) Anything anti-U2.
2) Anything pro-rap.
3) Anything with one of those crap labels on it, like a surfing or skating brand.
4) Anything pink.

NAME 4 TV SHOWS YOU LOVE:
1) M*A*S*H
2) Fawlty Towers
3) Becker
4) Black Adder

NAME 4 DRINKS YOU REGULARLY DRINK:
1) Sprite
2) Water
3) Um ...
4) ... sometimes juice ...

NAME 4 RANDOM FACTS ABOUT YOURSELF:
1) I like U2. Too much.
2) If a certain item of clothing can't be worn three days in a row, I don't think it's worth having.
3) I'm a bloody fantastic debater.
4) I need to work on a lot of things.

NAME 4 RANDOM FACTS ABOUT YOUR FAMILY:
1) My mother is a fantastic cook.
2) My Aunt Karina is very good at embarrassing me.
3) My Dad can be annoying and I'm glad he lives in NZ.
4) My eldest stepbrother says he's "gonna" do this and he's "gonna" do that but never does.

WHAT'S THE STORY BEHIND YOUR LJ USERNAME?
Axver is the last name of three main characters in my novel. It's also become a part of me. I'm Axver.

HAVE YOU EVER WITNESSED DEATH?
Thank God, no.

ONE THING YOU'RE GRATEFUL FOR, TODAY.
Lego trains working so well and FUN!

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE HIGH SCHOOL MEMORY?
My very best debate: I was so sick I could barely stand, but wow, I did well and was debater of the night. Nearly collapsed at the end. I'm so glad we beat that other school. I couldn't believe it, though. I could barely walk out of the high school we were debating at and just collapsed into the car.

WHAT IS THE MOST INSANE THING YOU'VE DONE FOR/TO YOUR LOVE?
Here you assume that people actually like me.

DESCRIBE YOUR DREAM WEDDING.
"Isn't this more of a chick question?" - Pat. I agree.

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE DOING WHEN YOU ARE 60?
Writing.

DO YOU HAVE A FAVORITE QUOTE?
'Mediocrity is never so dangerous as when it is disguised as sincerity' - Soren Kierkegaard

'We thought that we had the answers/It was the questions we had wrong' - U2, 11 O'clock Tick Tock

'Your erroneous assumptions are most amusing' and 'My intellect is thoroughly wasted on people like you' - Yours Truly

MY FIRST HEARTBREAK HAPPENED WHEN I WAS...
... older than sixteen, obviously.

HOW MUCH MONEY DOES IT TAKE TO KEEP YOU FOR A YEAR?
A lot. Now fork it over.

WHAT IS ONE THING YOU WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX?
Just ONE?

WHAT PIECE OF TECHNOLOGY DO YOU WANT MOST RIGHT NOW?
High-speed Internet.

NAME ONE TV CHARACTER YOU'D MOST WANT TO BE.
I honestly do not know. Some have really cool elements, but I wouldn't want to actually be them.

FAVORITE GEMSTONE?
I don't know.

WHAT'S YOUR WORST FLAW?
Just ONE?

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SONG RIGHT NOW?
11 O'clock Tick Tock (17-03-82)' by U2

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE DISNEY SONG?
Hahaha, NONE. There is little Disney that I like.

DESCRIBE YOUR DREAM HOUSE.
No. It'll take me too long. See Cataclysm when it's published and Llanelli House/Axver Palace will give you a pretty good idea.

YOUR TYPICAL SLEEPWEAR:
Boxers and one of my two penguin t-shirts.

WHAT'S IN YOUR BAG?
Stuff from the last day of school I don't care for and will probably leave there until next year.

--- 10:38 ---

Ran the Lego trains tonight with Sam. It was pretty much just us, and we had a great time. I ran the inside line, which is a lot easier than the outside one - the line's shorter, there's less speed issues, and the controller's in a far better location - and had heaps of fun doing some shunting maneuvres and did an experiment, running two trains at once on the same track (because all of them run at different speeds depending upon how the motor's holding up and how many wagons they have, that can be suicidal), and it actually went very well. Shame there weren't many people around to see it. Not a lot of people came through. Mum came in when she dropped me off and was most impressed, and from when I got there (6:40 or so) until about 7:40 or 8, there was a slow but steady flow of people, sometimes we got about 15-20 people watching, but then it pretty much dried up and a few times, we were running the trains for ourselves. At about 8:20 we just left the trains to run and changed them only every so often, so I feel sorry for the people who came through then because it would've been pretty boring watching the same trains go round and round, but there were so few people it wasn't worth our while to do much. In the last ten mintues (we finished up at 9), I did my multiple trains experiment, which was good fun.

Um ... that's it.

--- 12:09am ---

Actually, not quite. I just realised that today - wait, yesterday - is the 22nd anniversary of the Lido Beach U2 concert. Just thought I'd commemorate the anniversary of the concert featuring the equal best live performance of I Will Follow ever (the other being 25-08-01).

"This is something, this is uh [Edge's guitar kicks in] ... hear it, feel it, I Will Follow!"

Wow, that performance kicks some serious butt. I must learn to play it. Edge plays it with such intensity ...
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