Axver (axver) wrote,

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Some thoughts

My mind is boggling right now. I just had the deepest discussion with James. And though the subject never actually came up in our talk, I feel I can finally prove my faith. For me. I feel I can finally prove the existence of God, but maybe not to others. It's just for ME. Everyone thinks differently. What clicks with me may not click with him or her or them or you. It may seem decidedly absurd, or completely rational. So I can hardly claim to have "the answers", but I do have them for ME.

I don't understand the universe. That's the fact of the matter and that's the way it is. And it's what really leads to my faith. But I don't fail to understand it because I don't feel it makes sense - I think the way I can't understand it makes perfect sense. See, think about this. The universe is constantly expanding. But EVERYTHING is within the universe. All existence is in it. There is nothing beyond the universe. It is all that is there. There isn't even nothing outside of it because there is not one thing that can be outside it. So if the universe is continually expanding and all there can be is in the universe, then what is it expanding into? What is it coming to occupy? It can't come to occupy anything, it can't expand into anything, because there was no space for it to take up in the first place. It can't expand because there is nothing there to LET it expand. And yet it IS expanding. That's what I don't get. If it's all there is, it can't expand any further because there's simply no way it can expand because that means there is something outside it, which there isn't.

This leads to my faith in God. Or at least it leads to a belief in a perfect being, hence a god. If there is nothing for the universe to expand into and yet it's expanding, then there has to be something beyond me to allow that to happen. When I take this further, though ... if it is expanding, then if you look into the past, the universe is continually getting SMALLER. It continues to get smaller until it reaches a starting point where all there is was in one place. This is beginning. Now when we work back out of that, it's expanding, the planets form, and life evolves. BUT WAIT. I can't accept that. Not because I emotionally don't want to accept it, but because my observations lead me not to accept it. I cannot accept a simple evolution with no God involved. How can planets form? More importantly to my ideas, how can humans form? How is it that from this little blip of a starting point that somehow appeared from nothing, the human eye formed? How is it I was born? How can human life possibly come from sludge? Stand next to a mound of mud. There's NO similarity between yourself and the mud. It's inanimate, you're animate. It's not got organs like you do. It doesn't have anything that could possibly even become an eye. So how did the eye form? This all leads me to believe that evolution is not fact.

By now, we reach a point - in my mind, at least, and I emphasis again that this is in my mind only - whereby it is irrelevant whether the universe is actually continually expanding or not. If it is expanding, then it was once a simple nothing and nothing could've ever expanded this far because evolution simply does not work. Hence, how can it be expanding? But if it's not expanding, where'd it come from? And if it IS actually expanding, it can't have started from a sheer nothing. Whether it is expanding NOW or not, something HAD to have brought it into existence. Either the universe was created by God fully made or made in some way - i.e. creation - and then he set things in motion, like in The Sims. You build a house, you put everything in that needs to be there, then you let your people loose and allow all your natural processes to happen while you continue to retain a measure of control that, although absolute, gives your people freedom. I think The Sims is the perfect way to demonstrate the idea of creation. Or there's theistic evolution (God-guided evolution), whereby God created the initial blip of everything, of all matter, and allowed it to expand, guiding the growth of the universe, letting it all happen. He 'built' us at the appropriate time, bringing our planet, the plants, our eyes, the atmosphere, et cetera, into existence Himself. It wasn't just this random evolution, because random evolution is something I have discarded as simply impossible, but it's guided. So either this guidance in evolution or this creation has led us to be here. To me, these are the only two ways in which life as it is today could've come about. God needs to be there. Without Him, nothing could have been made. The human eye is too complex to have somehow come from a speck of dirt. Think about it! How ludicrous is the evolution theory! It actually tells you, with a straight face, that your eye, your brain, your nervous system, actually evolved from simple inanimate elements that don't even contain things that are remotely like it! Evolution without the theistic element is so absurd that ... really, it should be in a fiction novel, not a scientific textbook. But that's my feeling and we're getting off-track.

As I was saying, the two ways that life could have come about both feature a god. Now it becomes irrelevant which of these ways was actually used. Both of them required a god, and we don't need to bicker about which it was because it has entirely no bearing on anything. So if a god created it all, how do I know I believe in the 'right' god? How do I know I'm believing in the correct diety and not some false thing that's causing me to miss the entire point? Basically, because it's the only one that makes sense. In Christianity, I see God. In Islam, I see the desires of Muhammad. In Buddhism, I see the thoughts of a man who'd turned against the world and never even claimed to be divine - the entire Buddhistic RELIGION collapses on that because the Buddha never claimed to be divine. He was a philosopher, but he was not divine, he was not a prophet. It's just philosophic musings, hardly an actual system of belief in God. Indeed, there is no one god, just like in most eastern religions. I instantly write off any faith system that believes in the following;

1. There is no God. This is not just atheism, this is also stuff that states we will eventually reach a stage of enlightenment and perfection. Why? Because I see that the world HAD to be brought into existence by a god, so there has to be one. Bye bye "there is no God" systems.
2. That all is God. This is very New Age-y. I'm not God. I'm imperfect and I'm hardly God. Neither is all nature together God. I don't understand these people who talk about being "connected" with nature. It's fricking dirt and leaves and such! I may feel inspired by it, I may find scenery incredibly beautiful and that it puts me at ease, but I don't feel like I have an emotional connection with it because you CAN'T. It's rocks and dirt, stuff that has no emotions or feelings or thoughts to connect with.
3. That there are multiple Gods. God is the ultimate perfect being. There cannot be two or more, because they negate each other out. How can you have one being that's perfect and another being that's perfect? At some point, one will have superiority over the other, but perfection cannot be above perfection because it's the same thing. Or if they are in continual agreement, then they are effectively one. If they are of one mind, if they are sheer perfection, then there is just one God, not two. Hence, the reason why I discount anything with multiple Gods.

This leaves very few faith systems. The ones I'm familiar with are Christianity, Judaism, and Islam. As I said before, I feel Islam is merely the thoughts of Muhammad. Influenced by the monotheistic ideas of Christianity and his own human desires, he created the religion of Islam. I cannot accept that it is from the one true God. I've written articles on this and I've even started a book. It so greatly caters for human desire - or at least MALE desire - that I can't believe it is real. If there is a God, it is reasonable to state His desires would be different from ours, for the simple reason He is perfect and we are not, and our imperfection restricts us from being able to have His perfect desires. And yet Allah ... woah, Islam's just crazy. The one true God certainly would not permit the rampant violence, hate, lust, and all-round sin that Allah does. In the Islamic heaven, those who die for Islam - suicide bombers and the like - get seventy-two (the number's open to debate) virgins. What the Popmart? They claim that the one true God actually permits them to have some intense rampant fornication in HEAVEN, a place of purity and morals? That destroys Islam in my eyes. The one true God would not permit such a thing.

So we're left with Judaism and Christianity - though if anyone wants to bring any other monotheistic religions into the fray, feel free to do so. Christianity is effectively just an extension of Judaism. I cannot accept the Judaism we know today is true. I read the Messianic prophecy in the Old Testament, I read about Jesus in the New Testament, and I cannot see how the Jews failed to see Him. This is how I feel I KNOW my faith is true.

I once said that I felt if Jesus had come now rather than roughly 2000 years ago, I would've thought Him a whacko and not believed a word He'd said. I thought about this tonight. If He came today, I think I would believe Him. He's not like these crazy cult leaders you get now - He had evidence to back up Who He was, He had logical and well thought-out ideas, and whenever I read about Him, when He was lecturing the Pharisees or telling His parables, or giving the Sermon on the Mount, I can't help but agree because although some of it may seem so simple and obvious, it's also so deep and true and I love it. I can't help but believe in it. A system of logic leads me to it, a system of subjective feeling inside myself leads me to it, and sheer liking leads me to it. Everything does. I love what I have faith in. I don't love my faith - it's weak and fluctuates and isn't nearly good enough - but what I have faith IN, that's what I love. It's there, it's a comforting factor, and I need it in my life. It fills a void, a lot of voids. The fact I can actually be accepted by the best of the best, God ... wow, it's awe-inspiring, it really is, and I feel so unworthy. I feel so unworthy of all these blessings I've been given, and yet ... God continues to give me more, and it makes me feel even more unworthy, and I realise just how incredible and amazing He really is.

I guess that'll do for now. I'd appreciate some thoughts, opinions, analysis, and other comments on what I've said, and I'm not fussed what perspective it's from, be it Christian or non-Christian. I value both sides of the fence and feel they have important points to make. If you just rely on one for your confirmation or rebuttal, then you're not getting the full picture.

On another note, I just downloaded a fantastic live version of 11 O'clock Tick Tock. 17 March 1983, from New York. It's my ... ninth live version of this most wonderful of songs.
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