Axver (axver) wrote,
Axver
axver

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Ecclesiastes got it right

Currently, a lot of stuff is really starting to piss me off and I can't say I'm the biggest fan of life. Sometimes I feel like God could've done a lot better job than this. Sometimes I just think "Is this all You can do? Is that IT? Can't You do any better?" Of course, I can answer all those questions, but it doesn't make them go away.

Really, I probably don't have too much to complain about, or at least it's not like my world's just collapsed and I'm on the brink of death or anything. Indeed, if my world had just collapsed or I was in some other terrible situation, I'd most likely feel BETTER because I'm good in a crisis. Throw a grenade to me and I'll react in a logical, coherent way that defuses it and solves the problem for all. But throw me a tennis ball, and I fall to pieces. When things are calmer, when I have more time on my hands, when I can actually stop and think rather than just react and solve, I really get thinking, and that's not a good thing. I need to learn not to think down the depressing paths I so often end up thinking down.

Although ... my complaints probably are legitimate, just not as bad as I may make them feel after mulling over them for a few days. I have all this time to ponder and think, all this time to contemplate while watching U2 or playing pool, all this time to analysis everyday life while trying to fend off insomnia ... and sometimes I drive myself into a cycle of complaint and depression. Like now. Just as I thought things were really coming right with friendships, that we were all closer than ever ... things have fallen apart again. Maybe it's my own fault. Maybe I'm just over-analysing everything and being too negative (as I am prone to doing). But ... I really don't feel like I have any friends who are actually like me. Sure, you need friends who have different beliefs, values, interests, et cetera to yourself, and the four people in my group (Sam, Tom, Aaron, Jamie) certainly are one big variety, but on the same token you need friends who are like yourself. Sure, Sam and I share a good deal of similarities and the same applies to the other three to lesser extents, but not on the level that I'd like. For example, I know no other U2 fans in person (sure, Sam and Tom appreciate their music, but there's no-one I can sit around with and just ramble on about U2 to for ages ... indeed, having someone like that would probably lessen how much I talk about U2 on here because then I would already have an outlet for my fandom), none of my friends have the faintest interest in theology, eschatology, Calvinism, philosophy, or anything like that, and yet that's the kind of stuff that completely intrigues me, and just today I got accused of being "too moral", which I consider to be impossible.

I wouldn't show my face at Schoolies (explanation of this festival is in previous post). You would NEVER catch me there. Going to Schoolies is completely beneath me. I actually have a sense of decency and self-worth, and so I'm not going to rock up to some festival that seems to hold drunkenness, rampant fornication, and senseless revelry in high regard. I'm not going to lower myself to the level of a teenage lout who goes around making a menace of myself just to look "cool" or to "fit in" or "be one of the crowd". I have values, I have morals, and I'm not going to sacrifice them just because somebody who doesn't even seem to understand what I believe decided they are "inappropriate" and "stupid". Really, have these people ever considered what they do? Do they even think? What is the point of getting smashed off your face, taking substances that cause you to lose control of your senses, giving your body away to someone you may not even see again, being disrespectful to everyone in sight apart from those doing what you do, and generally creating a nuisance of yourself to the local community? How can people do this in the name of celebrating finishing high school? How the hell does finishing high school give you the excuse to throw all morals and decency to the four winds?

Oh, it's just so stupid. It's all stupid. Seems like everyone's stupid. Fine, go off and have your immature fun. Go off and wreck your body and your brain with booze and drugs. Go and get an STD or two. Go prove that you really don't care about anyone but yourself and those who act like you do. Go and act as if you're God. Fine, do all that. Just don't expect me to come along with you, and certainly don't expect me to sacrifice my morals and beliefs and drop down to your level. And sure as hell don't expect me to approve of what you're doing, and don't come asking for respect from me, because you've got to earn it, and by acting like the typical Schoolie, you sure as Popmart went to Sarajevo don't have a chance of earning any from me.

Really, what the Zooropa is the point of anything? (Random change, I know) Lately, I've come to identify with the author of Ecclesiastes in a big way. (Nearly) Everything's pointless. Or at least Gold Coast mainstream teenage culture is thoroughly pointless, not to mention immoral. The more I think about life, the more I wonder what the point of it is, and the more I think it's an absolute waste, that it's just stupid and thoroughly daft, because we're so separated from God that we can't come close to understanding this wondrous gift of life he's given to us and that we've perverted almost beyond recognition. We spend our time debating - "Is creation or evolution true?" "When will the End be?" "Is amillennialism correct?" "Is the age of accountability something created by bleeding-heart lefties who are trying to reconcile their idea of God with the Bible?" - and completely miss the point. What is the point? The point that we are missing is: WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT OF LIFE? How did we get here? Did God put us here on His green earth or is that some hoax perpetrated to keep us all "under control"? What is the problem of sin? How can we possibly have a relationship with God when we are separated from Him by an unbridgeable gulf created by our own rebellion? To steal some lines from a U2 song, Who was Christ, "Who broke the window?/Who broke down the door?/Who tore the curtain?/And Who was He for?" We spend so long bickering about the insignificant, petty details that we so completely miss the point it's not funny.

Ecclesiastes was right. He was completely and utterly right. Soren Kierkegaard was right. Everything is boring. It's just a shame everyone completely overlooks these two geniuses because they have so much to consider that you could spend hours just pondering it.

'"Meaningless! Meaningless!" says the Teacher, "Everything is meaningless!" ... Now all has been heard; here is the conclusion of the matter; Fear God and keep His commandments, for this is the whole duty of man. For God will bring every deed into judgement, including every hidden thing, whether it is good or evil." - Ecclesiastes 12:8,13-14 (NIV)

And that's it. That's exactly it. And yet people don't even give God's commandments consideration, let alone keep them. I see it every day, in people at my school, in people in my group, in myself. At least I have a desire to better myself. Most people seem content with their boring, pointless, stupid lives, and I don't understand why. I ... I don't understand. Why are we like this? Why are we such spiritual rebels? Why do we continue to miss the point? What is the point anyway?

Mofo, written by Paul Hewson (Bono Vox), performed by U2

Looking for to save my save my soul
Looking in the places where no flowers grow
Looking for to fill that God shaped hole
Mother … mother sucking rock and roll
Holy dunc, space junk
Coming in for the splash
White dopes on punk staring into the flash
Looking for the baby Jesus under the trash
Mother … mother sucking rock and roll
Mother [scat singing] and rock and roll

Mother, mother, mother
Mother, mother, mother

Mother
Am I still your son?
You know I’ve waited for so long
To hear you say so
Mother
You left and made me someone
Now I’m still a child
No-one tells me no

Looking for a sound that’s going to drown out the world
Looking for the father of my two little girls
Got the swing, got the sway, got my straw in lemonade
Still looking for the face I had before the world was made

Mother … mother sucking rock and roll
Bubble popping sugar dropping rock and rock
Mother … mother suck, yeah, fucking rock and roll
Mother, mother, mother
Mother, mother, mother

Soothe me mother
Rule me father
Move me brother
Woo me sister
Soothe me mother
Rule me father
Show me mother
Show me mother
Show me mother
Show me mother
Show me mother
Show me mother
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