Axver (axver) wrote,
Axver
axver

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Just when you think you know a bloke ...

Sam and I have been close friends since grade eight. Four years. You'd think by now, after all we've been through together, after all we've told each other, after how close we are, you'd fucking think I'd know the guy. YOU'D THINK THAT. But NO. He so better have been joking today.

It actually all started a while ago. On this year's Ski Trip my school did in winter, he met a girl in grade ten, Lauren A (how many Laurens do I know now? Eight, I think. Sheesh, getting a bit excessive now, aren't we?). They rather hit it off, and a while ago they began going out, but after a week, she called it off for some reason Sam doesn't understand. There was strange stuff in the background I don't think either of them could control. However, they both still like each other, and Sam wants to get back together. Now Sam's a moral guy, and so I thought he wouldn't seriously contemplate taking a relationship as far as some people our age do. Really, I thought our morals, values, and beliefs were interchangeable because they're exactly the same. It would now appear I'm wrong.

On Saturday night, when I was round at Sam's, we were talking about all kinds of topics, and I was complaining about how two people we both know are planning on having sex and that they're way too young. Sam spoke up at this point, saying that he didn't think he was too young, and then said "there are other ways to make a girl orgasm, anyway" (at this point I gave him a "Really, Sam, you didn't need to say that" look), with a specific reference to his relationship with Lauren. However I just discarded this as just one random comment with not too much significance, just an observation from Sam that I shouldn't worry about too much, because it didn't overly imply he'd go that far.

But then there was today ...

Today in the library, we were talking about random stuff during study, and the topic got round to that Sam had been going out with Lauren. Matt O'Connor, being the slightly disgusting person he is, asked "Would you've laid her down?" [The meaning of that term is pretty obvious], and Sam said "Yes", but I just thought he was joking. Jamie wasn't so sure, but the topic died down for the time being. It came back up a few minutes later, and because Jamie didn't know what she looked like, Sam went and got a yearbook with a photo of her in it, and when he was taking it back, Jamie whispered some digusting ideas in my ear to gross me out and annoy me. As Sam was coming back, I exclaimed "Oh yuck!" at one of Jamie's comments, and so Sam demanded what it was. We both remained silent, and he asked "Was it about me?" We tried to dodge it, but then Jamie spoke up;

"I was saying stuff like 'imagine Sam doing it with Lauren'." [It was more crude than that but I can't remember his words]
Sam: *amused grunt*
Jamie: "So would've you done it."
Sam (a bit hesitantly): "Well ..."
Jamie (or Matt, I can't remember): "Planning to wait until you were eighteen?"
Sam: "Nah, we were planning on doing it when my parents were out."

At this point, I felt like exclaiming "What the fuck?" but instead I just kept on doing my work, concealing my shock. He didn't seem to be joking AT ALL. I'm sure he was serious. THEY WERE ONLY GOING OUT FOR A FUCKING WEEK. I thought I knew Sam. I thought he was above doing that. He's a Christian, and I thought his beliefs and morals and such were exactly the same as me. He looks to me as a form of spiritual authority and takes some cues from me in regards to faith, so you can see why I would've thought that. And then there was this. I thought he was above that, well above that, that he wouldn't have done something like that. The Sam I thought I knew wouldn't do that, and I respected him for it. But now ... where the fuck's my best friend gone? I thought I knew him, I really did, and now he goes and pulls this on me. I do feel cut inside. I've lost some respect for him over this ...

See, some people I expect to do stuff like that. I wouldn't be surprised if Burns did it with his girlfriend and I wouldn't lose a good deal of respect for him over it, just a bit; if Jamie did it, I'd be a tad shocked, but not lose too much respect; but Sam ... I never ever expected this. I'm so shocked. I don't want to believe he was serious because that's not the Sam I know. I respected him for his strong morality and now ... it's like it wasn't there.

Damn I'm pissed off. And cut. I want to yell ... swear my head off and hope it makes me feel better or something.

In other news, today went OK in most other areas. Handed in my SOR, did my short presentation (with Sam) on To Kill A Mockingbird, just saying what themes were in it ... uh, and that's about all that's noteworthy. Oh yes, and I'm also finding that I only like listening to live U2 because it's so much better than studio stuff. Sam, Jamie, and Matt all laughed at the lyrics of Bad and said it was a really stupid song and they can see why it's called Bad. Morons. It's one of the best songs ever written. Find some taste.

Oh, by the way, light_so_bright Lauren (haha, yes, another Lauren), please do me a favour and check your e-mails.
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