Axver (axver) wrote,
Axver
axver

More ranting

I still cannot believe my 'ex' lied to me. I'm very infuriated by that. I'll put up links to the transcripts of the conversations later, once I actually get them up, but I'm just so mad right now. I was stupid to ever get into that relationship. I should've listened to everyone at YTF. You guys, you were right, and thank you so much for trying to stop me. I wish I'd listened to you, I truly do. You were totally right. But I guess some things you have to learn the hard way ...

I can't believe that I'm halfway through my second week of holidays. I'm not happy about that: why can't it still be the first week? I so do not feel like going back to school. It's just ... the last place I want to be. It's so boring and tedious and I feel I could do a better job of teaching myself. Hmmm ... that'd give me a job. I need a job, and fast. Why can't I just be instantly hired as U2s CD quality control guy and get paid hundreds of dollars to listen to CDs to make sure they're working OK? That is what I call a JOB!

Well, even more of a problem is the fact that I don't know what I'm going to do when I leave high school, and have only a year and a half to make up my mind. Probably less, even, because it's during like the middle of grade 12 that we apply to universities, I think. I sure hope not. I really want to be an author, but very, VERY few people can do that full-time, so I'm being realistic and looking for something else. Only problem is, I don't know what that something else will be. All I know is that I'm good with writing, speaking, maps, and memory. I would consider geographer, but continual mapping would be too hard on my eyes. I'm the best mapper at school, but the perfection I demand from my maps can really put some strain on my eyes.

I honestly do not see a point to my continued existence. I know there IS one, I know God has something planned for me, but I sure don't see it now. Right now, the vision of my life that I see is a bum on the streets, or some 40 year old guy who still lives at home and spends too much time online, figuring out ways to bludge money off the government. Not a happy vision. Hopefully something will come up soon. At various times, I've felt God's been calling me to be a lawyer, or a pastor, or a judge, but then, after a while, that call has seemed to go away, so maybe I'm not supposed to do that. I'm very confused about stuff right now, a lot of stuff.
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