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Axver

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Railway nationalisation and comedy goodness [6 May 2008|02:09 am]
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[Current Mood | tired/good]
[Current Music |'You Find It Everywhere' by Swervedriver]

I doubt anybody else is going to give a shit, but I am thoroughly delighted to learn that today (well, yesterday now), the New Zealand government has bought back the national railway operations and the system will be a state asset again. This is some of the best news I have heard in a long time. )

Anyway, I'm off to bed as I'm extremely tired - but I'm happy. Let's hope we'll now get some new motive power. It's incomprehensible that the last brand new class of mainline locomotives was the DF class back in 1979.

Oh, but before I go, I love Good News Week. From tonight's episode:

A wombat is:
A). A marsupial
B). An implement for playing Wom
C). Wanted for rape in New Zealand

Our home is girt by:
A). Sea
B). Eh?
C). Bees


Paul McDermott reading out the second of those two was priceless.
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ANZAC Day [25 April 2008|04:43 pm]
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[Current Music |'Fadeaway' by Porcupine Tree]

They went with songs to the battle, they were young.
Straight of limb, true of eyes, steady and aglow.
They were staunch to the end against odds uncounted,
They fell with their faces to the foe

They shall not grow old, as we that are left grow old:
Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn.
At the going down of the sun and in the morning,
We will remember them.

- "For the Fallen", Laurence Binyon

93 years on, lest we forget.
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A glorious day in Australian history [13 February 2008|09:44 pm]
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[Current Music |'Beds Are Burning' by Midnight Oil]

Today will surely go down as one of the greatest days in Australian political history. As the first order of business of the 42nd parliament of Australia, Kevin Rudd offered an apology to the Stolen Generations, those thousands of Aboriginal children who were forcibly removed from their homes and made wards of the state, deprived of contact with their family and their culture. Rudd's speech was eloquent and moving; he acknowledged and apologised for the grave injustices of the past, went to great pains to reach out not only across racial lines to the Aborigines but also across ideological lines to all parts of the Australian community on this contentious issue, and laid the foundation of words upon which a structure of actions can be built to ensure a better future. It was only fitting that this apology was delivered by Rudd with Peter Garrett sitting prominently nearby as a fellow elected representative; as the lead singer of Midnight Oil, Garrett tirelessly brought awareness to the plight of the Aborigines and those of you who watched the 2000 Sydney Olympics Closing Ceremony likely remember him performing in black clothing emblazoned with the word "sorry". And today, Australia finally said sorry. I think the following are some of the best words I have ever heard any head of state speak:

"As Prime Minister of Australia, I am sorry. On behalf of the Government of Australia, I am sorry. On behalf of the Parliament of Australia, I am sorry. I offer you this apology without qualification."
- Kevin Rudd

I moved to Australia in 1997, the year Bringing Them Home was published. All I have known is John Howard's stubborn refusal to be a decent human being. In a sure reflection on just how petty, bigoted, and small this man really is, he was the only one of Australia's five living former Prime Ministers who was not in attendance. Four other Liberal MPs were conspicuously absent, while a fifth was so rude and disrespectful as to attend but read a magazine throughout the session and to refuse to stand in the otherwise unanimous show of support for the apology.

Brendan Nelson's pathetic attempt at a reply on behalf of the Opposition was truly a national embarrassment. He started well. He did what even three months ago I never thought I would hear a Liberal Party leader do: he offered support for Rudd's apology and said sorry himself. Then he just dug himself into a hole. His incohesive speech lacked a central theme; he dithered from point to point, inappropriately trying to score political points through mentioning the current Northern Territory intervention, irrelevantly and bafflingly mentioning Australians who died in combat, disgustingly asserting that we should feel no guilt for what has happened, and reprehensibly giving an impression of defending those who did the stealing for what he described as "good intentions". It was as if he was torn between his own bigotry and an irresistible future. It would have been political suicide to do anything other than support the apology, but he sure didn't go down without reminding us that racism and discrimination is alive and well in Australia. Although those in the parliament chamber rightly maintained the manners expected within there, those watching on the big screens outside and in other cities throughout the country quite understandably and justifiably booed Nelson, called "shame", turned their backs, and initiated a slow clap to drown out the disgraceful speech.

What Brendan Nelson and some people in Australian society (including, I am sad to say, a few individuals in journals and communities on my friends list) seem to fail to understand is that we do not exist in a historical vacuum. The consequences of the Stolen Generations live with us - some of those who were stolen are still alive, and their children are very much with us, living with the problems created by past injustices. The rest of us also live with the consequences - dealing with the past, as we exist within the context it created, and completing its unfinished business: that is, righting its wrongs. The first step to righting its wrongs is apologising for those wrongs. Nothing short of saying sorry is adequate.

I am a New Zealander first and foremost. Why, then, do I care? Because I am an Australian citizen. I have the certificate and the passport to prove it. I voted for this government, and I have been subject to the decisions of the Australian parliament for over a decade. Parliament functions within a political continuum - it has a responsibility to the past. Today's parliament exists within the historical context of past parliaments. The policies that created the Stolen Generations were in place during the lives of the majority of Australians. This lasted until the 1970s - it is, as has been emphasised, not ancient history. It is more than about time that this responsibility is acknowledged and an apology given. This apology is not saying that you, as an individual, are sorry for something you did not do - it is saying that we, as a community represented by a democratically elected parliament, are sorry for the wrongs that were done in our country's name to the oldest continuous civilisation on the planet. We exist in a historical context; we should be and are sorry for the wrongs contained within that context and are compelled by all that is good and decent to rectify the consequences of these injustices.

Also, as a New Zealander, I would like to take this opportunity to do something of my own, in the reconciliatory spirit of the day. The Maori people, like the Aborigines, have suffered injustices since Europeans colonised New Zealand. Their land was taken from them, by deception and by force. Their cultural values were ignored. Their language was marginalised. Therefore, I say the following. As the descendent of some of New Zealand's earliest settlers, as a New Zealander who exists within a historical context that contains shameful and inexcusable wrongdoings, and as a person capable of empathy, I am without qualification sorry to the Maori. As an aspiring historian of New Zealand, I can only hope that I may produce work that contributes to the historical record, informs the present and future, and does even the smallest of things to bring together the people of the most beautiful country on the planet in mutual understanding, respect, and equality.
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[26 January 2008|11:02 pm]
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[Current Music |'Norra El Norra' by Orphaned Land]

So, yesterday, with my new photographic tendency, I took you to Papakowhai and Paremata and depicted ordinary parts of the suburbs on a regular summer weekend. Now I will try to do the same with the Kapiti Coast, travelling from my relatives' old place in Raumati South up the coast through Raumati Beach and Paraparaumu Beach to leave the coast via Kapiti Airport. Not that it's much of an airport any more. It's amazing how much land has been sold for residential development. Again, I'll let the photos stand for themselves. In most cases, I was just taking photos out of the car as we drove various places, though some are from when we stopped at Raumati Beach.

Travelling around my hometown. )
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A visit to Paremata and Papakowhai [25 January 2008|11:14 pm]
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[Current Music |'I Troldskog Faren Vild' by Ulver]

In one of my recent entries, I mentioned that I might have a little photographic style or at least tendency developing. I like to photograph supposedly mundane and everyday scenes to try to create an impression of what the place is like, to convey it to an outsider and to give some perspective on the ordinary stuff, as opposed to what's meant to be the "interesting" attractions that are normally photographed. So here's a collection from my trip to New Zealand taken around Paremata and Papakowhai, two suburbs about 25 minutes north of Wellington and 5 minutes out of Porirua, at the northern end of the Porirua Harbour's southern arm. I've tried to structure them as a walk from Paremata Railway Station deep into the heart of suburban Papakowhai. You'll notice that some are from different days and times, which I hope adds some more diversity and brings something extra to your perception of the place. I am not going to provide any captions or commentary; I'd like the pictures to stand for themselves without me pointing out details or attributes. I hope this works well. I'll also do this for my hometown in the coming days. I suppose I should point out before I go on that the correct pronunciation of Papakowhai is pretty much "pah-pah-ko-fai".

Welcome to Paremata and Papakowhai. )
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Last Saturday's story and pictures [23 January 2008|11:47 pm]
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[Current Music |'Kind Of A Blur' by Subterranean Masquerade]

So, after my 21st birthday that I wrote about yesterday, I flew to New Zealand. Wellington, to be precise. It's always nice flying into Wellington. Well, I suppose it isn't always nice in terms of the ride you get, as the airport is right on the Cook Strait and the weather conditions there can often be unpredictable and unpleasant, but the day I flew in, it was absolutely gorgeous, and I mean it's always nice in that I'm coming home. Not a whole lot happened on the evening of the 18th. My father and I watched the Australia vs India cricket and had a barbecue for dinner. I was staying in Papakowhai, which is about 25 minutes north of Wellington, and it has great views over the Porirua Harbour's southern arm. So I took photos.

Yeah, I really like the view. )

The next day, I had arranged to meet my Grandad and uncle Tony (one of my mother's younger brothers). Grandad was meeting us in Paraparaumu on the Kapiti Coast, where I grew up; Tony was catching the train up from Wellington and I met him aboard the train at Paremata station, which is a short walk from Papakowhai. When the three of us went to lunch, we met up with my cousin Jeff, Grandad's nephew (though he was raised as Grandad's brother - it's a long story).

Photos from Papakowhai and Paremata. )

Photos from the Kapiti Coast. )

So after that, I returned to Dad's place and we had a birthday dinner - only a little one at home, as circumstances had conspired and nobody was really around. But afterwards we got out the 1987 wines that I wrote about earlier and watched Australia suck at cricket. That was all very, very good. Tomorrow, I will move on to the trip to Nelson.

While I was out and about on Saturday, I took a stack of photos of just ordinary scenes and streets in Paraparaumu Beach, Raumati Beach, Raumati South, Paremata, and Papakowhai. If I could say I have a photographic style developing - and I'm not sure that I do - it's that I prefer to take pictures simply of the mundane and everyday stuff. I often find it's actually more interesting than what are supposedly the interesting attractions you're "meant" to photograph. Certainly when I look at photos from Wellington in 1900, I'm most interested in the "everyday" shots, just to see how things have changed. I also think these "everyday" shots give an outside viewer a good sense of what the place really feels like, as opposed to the false impression that might be created simply by photos of "interesting" attractions. My photographic abilities may be appallingly lacking - but then again, it gives the amateur and everyday perspective both in terms of what's seen in the shot and how the shot is taken itself.

Or maybe I'm just trying to justify the fact I'm a shit photographer who's a bit too camera-happy and finds boring old towns and geography fascinating. I'll share the photos in the coming days and you can be the judge.
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[21 January 2008|09:42 pm]
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[Current Music |'Epidemic' by Blackfield]

I got back from New Zealand this morning.

I've a mass of thoughts swirling in my head on different topics and it really is tremendously difficult to make sense of them or to put them in order. I suppose I shall try. I guess most insistent in the back of my mind is the knowledge that I probably just saw Grandpa alive for the last time. I am trying not to let this come to the front of my mind though, with varying degrees of success. Strangely enough, what bothers me the most is that I didn't say my standard "have a good one" to him when I left ... then I realise that was probably better, as I quite consciously chose to say "see you later". Because damnit, I am going to see him later. He's stubborn; he'll hold on as long as he bloody well can. Apparently he looks good at the moment; to me, he looked much worse than when I saw him in July 2007, but those who've seen him recently think he's improved as a result of his recent radiation treatment. That treatment is for comfort, however.

I got the chance to talk to him about Tangiwai, much more extensively than I expected. I was quite taken aback by the details I did not know, and remarkably enough, almost all of the family stories are true - and omit the most astounding parts! The only part that was significantly wrong was that he ended up in a tree; he in fact ended up on the edge of the river and somehow climbed the bank. He does not know how he did it. Those of you who've looked closely at the photos I have posted will surely agree with me when I say that it looks impossible. I will write up some more at a later stage in some kind of tribute.

I also find that on every trip, I miss New Zealand more - I guess because on every trip, it's even longer since I left, but it has never stopped being thoroughly familiar and entirely my home. I have a similar familiarity with Melbourne today, the Gold Coast unfortunately, and I'm sure if I went back, the University of Queensland's St Lucia campus and immediately surrounding suburbia too. However, it does not feel like home. It doesn't matter how many times I write "Australian" in response to customs forms asking "nationality as shown on passport", and it doesn't matter how much I love Melbourne and think it beats Wellington (or any other city I've visited) hands-down for livability. At the end of the day, it is not my home. I would give up anything, even my sense of independence that Melbourne gives me, to move back to my childhood home in Raumati Beach, have a job at Victoria University in Wellington, and do the looong commute every day. As much as I hate long commutes, I'd love it simply because of the part of the world I would be in. At the very least, I hope one day to have enough wealth to rock up at my childhood home and make the owners an offer they cannot refuse and establish it as a holiday house, somewhere to spend the summers away from Melbourne's heat.

Life moves too fast. It's weird that I'm 21. My father bought three wines in 1987 - well, obviously he bought more, but he specifically bought three, a red (for the life of me, I forget what, a pinot noir?), a late harvest riesling, and a port. We opened them after my birthday dinner and had a good evening drinking them. I seem to have acquired a taste for port. I grew up on wine, but only tried port sparingly and never really liked it, but the last time I had it was many years ago. However, the port actually proved to be my favourite, despite how much I love a good Kiwi late harvest riesling. It also turns out that I really do hold my drink extraordinarily well. I drank enough on both Saturday and Sunday nights to get most people I know fairly sloshed, while I did not even approach tipsy. That was pretty fortunate really, given the travelling on the days that followed both evenings. I incidentally had the longest birthday of my life. With family in New Zealand and Australia, I've had long Christmases and birthdays before, but my 21st managed to stretch from the day itself, the 17th, right through to the 20th when we had a lovely birthday lunch at Grandma and Grandpa's and a good barbecue back at Dad's place. Wow, that was only yesterday. It feels a world away.

I think most bizarrely for me, in the last week, I had a handful of moments - brief moments, but moments all the same - where I actually felt comfortable. I am not comfortable in social situations. My mind is always flying, always analysing. I cannot mentally relax, even if I look at ease to other people. I think I am actually quite good at putting up a kind of appearance of confidence, quite by accident as nothing could be further from the truth. However, being around certain people - both grandfathers and a couple of people in Queensland - actually put me at ease. I thought I would always be too nervous to talk to Grandpa about Tangiwai, but it was actually amazingly good ... I only returned to my standard discomfort when it was over and we went to eat lunch. I remember a time when I didn't find it this hard to relax and when I didn't subject everything to methodical and extensive thought and second-guessing. It was nice, albeit unexpected, to have brief returns to that.

So there's a smattering of thoughts, all very tired as I have been up for 20 hours after only a modicum of sleep. I hope all of you had a good few days. I took shitloads of photos, so I'll make some entries in the coming days that present them and more closely detail where I went and what I did. My photography sucks but it hopefully does the job.
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[16 January 2008|10:07 pm]
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[Current Music |Radio news]

Well, here I am back on the Gold Coast. The 2.5 weeks back home shot by rather quickly. I'm only staying here for my birthday tomorrow, and then flying over to Wellington on the 18th. On the 20th, we're making a day trip down to Nelson to see my Grandpa. I spoke to Grandma last weekend and things were not very encouraging, as illustrated by the fact Grandpa was not in a position to talk to me on the phone. I know that as recently as Christmas Eve, he was out pottering in the garden with my father, but things seem spectacularly unpleasant at the moment. I'm worried about the condition I'll find him in come Sunday, but I can't wait to see him. I wish I could stay longer, but he will be very tired and even with the day we're down there, we likely won't be able to spend all of it with him. Hopefully we'll get lots of quality time though - quality over quantity, eh? So we'll be doing that, and then the next morning I will be flying home to Melbourne at some ridiculous time in the morning. The time I will need to get up on Monday morning in New Zealand will be roughly the time I've been going to bed in Melbourne lately. And the timezone difference is just two hours! I'm almost tempted to just stay up all night and sleep on the plane.

I must admit that I won't miss the day that I no longer have to visit Queensland. Yes, it's my usual complaints - too hot, no daylight saving, poorly planned, no trams, etc. I'm really looking forward to going to New Zealand though, even if it's a brief visit. Having my own camera is exceptionally handy. Yes, I suppose it'll be more picture entries when I get home. Hopefully they will be interesting.

Anyway, that's really about it for me. Hope you're all having a good one.
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Sir Edmund Hillary, 1919 - 2008 [11 January 2008|12:07 pm]
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[Current Mood | sad]
[Current Music |'One Tree Hill (26 December 1989)' by U2]

So the great man, the truest New Zealander to ever live, is dead. Sir Edmund Hillary, the first man to "knock the bastard off" and climb Mount Everest, died this morning in Auckland, aged 88. This article chronicles his life - an ordinary bloke who just happened to possess a sense of adventure that drove him to climb mountains.

If ever there were an appropriate time to quote One Tree Hill, this is it.

We turn away to face the cold, enduring chill
As the day begs the night for mercy, love
The sun's so bright it leaves no shadows, only scars
Carved into stone on the face of earth
The moon is up and over One Tree Hill
We see the sun go down in your eyes
You run like a river runs to the sea
You run like a river to the sea

- U2, One Tree Hill

The world is now a lesser place. RIP Sir Edmund. 20 July 1919 - 11 January 2008.
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[3 January 2008|09:17 pm]
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[Current Music |'Together With The Seasons' by Sculptured]

Well, I hope everybody else has had a good start to their 2008. Mine has been fairly mundane so far. I've watched a good deal of cricket, returned to my writing, and read a fair bit. I've been feeding my addiction to 19th century Russian literature lately, but I don't want to overdo it. This morning, I finished Mikhail Lermontov's A Hero of Our Time, so now I'm moving on to some material from elsewhere before I pick up Leo Tolstoy's War And Peace. I'm currently reading Victor Hugo's Les Misérables and I'm thinking about starting Franz Kafka's The Trial. Hopefully I will get a lot of reading done this month. Summer's such a horrible season but it has one positive aspect in that it provides an incentive to stay inside, away from the bloody awful weather, and read in front of the fan.

I am, however, rather disappointed in New Zealand literature - or more to the point, the absence thereof. It would be pretty fair to say that the country hasn't exactly come close to producing a Fyodor Dostoevsky. Just trying to find a recognisable name beyond Katherine Mansfield seems like a mission. I can't say I'm surprised though; it's similar to what I have noticed in my academic field, New Zealand's socio-political history. Kiwi literature seems to be low in quantity, unremarkable in quality, and ignored by the rest of the world. Kiwi history is probably worse, truth be told. There are plenty of narrative or descriptive histories out there, often written by amateurs and retirees about their local region or particular field of interest - and many of them are fantastic and have a lot of character, but "verifiable references" seems to be a foreign concept. Academic works and analyses are sorely lacking, and many of those that exist are dreadful in quality and horribly out of date. Things have improved a bit recently, but I was let down by the brief treatment Neill Atkinson gave the female suffrage campaigners in Adventures in Democracy. Still, he did far better than older works, such as Airey and Condliffe's A Short History of New Zealand, an incredibly biased and poorly written work that I would not recommend to anybody who wishes to know anything about New Zealand.

While on the Gold Coast, I was both encouraged and discouraged by responses to my ambition to pursue New Zealand history academically as a career. I was asked multiple times "why are you doing that?", and on some occasions essentially dismissed with an "oh yeah, you're from New Zealand" (which isn't at all the reason). I suppose people expect me to do something more "important". Frankly, I think the world has more than enough dodgy historians of World War II, Germany, the US, etc. and such fields are overwhelmed. I feel sorry for someone with a genuine passion for World War II - how the hell are you meant to write about something original? There is so much work out there on so many aspects of the war from so many different perspectives that I really do wonder what's left; the "social health implications of World War II's impact on declines in carrot production in Australia in 1943" or something?

The New Zealand field, however, has huge deficiencies and gaps, as I stated above, and what's more, I believe it is very important to academic disciplines and relevant to the general person both within New Zealand and around the world. My trump card, of course, is the fact that New Zealand was the first country in the world to give women the vote, an incredibly forward-thinking decision and one that was not repeated elsewhere until Australia followed suit some nine years later. This bold move gave untold motivation to suffragists in the UK, US, and elsewhere, and the dodgy state of work on the matter has stunned me. The aforementioned Airey and Condliffe book dismisses the matter of female enfranchisement in under a paragraph of a 305 page book while dedicating three whole chapters to the Maori Wars of the 1860s. There's so much more than just that one matter too. New Zealand was the last country on earth to be settled and one of the last chapters in the British colonial experiment. Socially, it is one of the most progressive (not just in women's rights; it is worth noting that New Zealand is at the lead in the secularisation of society) and I think an analysis of the origins and development of this national progressivism would be of considerable worth. So while it is disheartening to repeatedly meet with disinterest and perplexed surprise, it also encourages me - I doubt I could make a difference, but it sure as hell motivatres me to try.
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Remembering Tangiwai: 54 years since the disaster [24 December 2007|10:51 am]
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[Current Music |'One Tree Hill (26 December 1989)' by U2]



54 years ago this evening, the fourth worst disaster in New Zealand history and the eighth worst railway disaster in the world at the time occurred just north of Tangiwai in the central North Island. In 1863, 189 died in the shipwreck of the HMS Orpheus; in 1931, the Napier earthquake killed 258; and 26 years after Tangiwai, the crash of an Air New Zealand flight into Mount Erebus, Antarctica took 257 lives. The Tangiwai disaster claimed 151 lives. In a past entry, I have detailed the events of the crash fairly extensively. In short, on Christmas Eve 1953, an ash wall holding in the crater lake of Mount Ruapehu collapsed, creating a lahar - a torrent of ash, mud, and water - that surged down the Whangaehu River. It destroyed the bridge of the North Island Main Trunk Railway and the lahar was at its height at 10:21pm when the overnight express passenger train from Wellington to Auckland reached the bridge with no warning that it was impassable. The steam locomotive and the train's five second class carriages all tumbled into the lahar and were brutally torn apart. The sixth carriage, the leading first class carriage, teetered on the edge of the bridge's remnants before rolling into the river; the remainder of the train stayed on the tracks. In total, the locomotive's driver and fireman, one first class passenger, and 148 of the 176 second class passengers were killed.



As is probably common knowledge to readers of my journal by now, my Grandpa was one of the 28 survivors from the second class carriages. Unless there is a bit of a miracle, this will more than likely be the last Tangiwai anniversary that my Grandpa lives to see. Accordingly, I would like to tell the personal story as best I can, from what I know. I hope to talk to him at more length about the disaster sometime. Grandpa, then aged 18, was travelling from Wellington to Auckland for Christmas with his friend John Cockburn (that's "Co-burn"), aged 17, and John's 12 year old brother, Douglas; I am sure John and Douglas would forgive me if I have accidentally muddled them. Their sister is my Grandma. All three lived in Masterton and would have travelled over the Rimutaka Incline to Wellington to catch the express, which departed Wellington at 3pm.

The three travelled second class, and were in the second carriage behind the locomotive. The trip north was fairly uneventful and passed through my own hometown, Raumati Beach, on its way out of Wellington. Although electric locomotives were available to haul the train between Wellington and Paekakariki, it was hauled by a steam locomotive all the way, KA class member 949. Demand for the train was sufficient that a second express followed it an hour later. The first express made good time, with its final stop before Tangiwai in Waiouru; on its departure from Waiouru, 285 people were aboard. My Grandpa sat beside a window, a seating location that would save his life. Naturally, Douglas and John sat with him; eerily, a few winters earlier, John at the age of 14 went on a school trip to Mount Ruapehu and we have a photo of him at the crater lake that took his life.

When the train reached the Whangaehu River, the locomotive was launched into the air and nearly reached the opposite bank of the river; it was followed by the first carriage. The second, however, plunged directly into the lahar and took the full brunt of its power. It was mercilessly torn to pieces and reduced to a twisted wreck, unrecognisable as a passenger carriage. It can be seen in the picture above as the mangled lump in front of the much more intact first carriage, and again in the picture below with the similarly more intact sixth carriage in the background. Of the approximately 35 passengers aboard the second carriage, every single one apart from my Grandpa was killed, including Douglas and John. Upon landing in the water, Grandpa was flung through the window into the lahar and swept downriver. He swallowed mouthfuls of the lahar's muddy water, now laced with engine oil and coal. His clothes were torn from him by the force of the lahar, leaving him with just his belt and shreds of his vest. He was found up a tree. Of the 12 residents of Masterton aboard the train, he was the only one to survive; I cannot fathom how he came out of that alive. He has never ridden a train since. Sixteen months after the disaster, he married my Grandma; a year later, his first son, my father, was born. The realisation that had my Grandpa been seated anywhere else in the carriage, he would have died and I would not be here today is something truly extraordinarily indescribable.



At this time of year, I would also like to take this opportunity to remember four other relatives of mine who died on New Zealand's rails in the country's second worst railway disaster. 10.5 years before Tangiwai, the Hyde disaster occurred on 4 June 1943 when the Cromwell to Dunedin express derailed outside of Hyde in Central Otago due to excessive speed. Of the 113 passengers on board, 21 were killed. They included John Frater, my great-grandfather; his daughter Irene White; and her two young sons, Desmond and John. John Frater's wife, my great-grandmother, survived the accident but died within two years due to the physical toll of her severe injuries and the emotional impact of the deaths.

RIP Douglas, John Cockburn, John Frater, John White, Irene, and Desmond.
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[16 December 2007|11:49 pm]
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[Current Mood | sad]
[Current Music |'Vapour Trail' by Ride]

Fuck.

As I'm sure some of you remember, back in July, I went to New Zealand to visit my Grandpa as he has been diagnosed with cancer, specifically lymphoma. He was on chemotherapy at the time, and seemed to be doing well. This pattern of apparently positive progress continued over subsequent months. But that all changed. My father told me today the outcome of a recent meeting Grandpa had with a specialist. The chemotherapy had seemed to be putting the cancer into remission, but ever since the chemo cycle ended ... it's come straight back. The chemo, in other words, has failed. He is straight back where he was earlier this year, when he was diagnosed, with about 6 weeks to 2 months to live if there is no treatment. I understand there is still radiation treatment that they can do. I ... don't know how successful it's going to be. I was already going to New Zealand in January just after my birthday; we were planning that he would come up to Wellington, as we thought he would be well enough, but now we're heading down to Nelson and my trip may be extended.

I've felt in somewhat of a daze all evening. I have tried to do other things. Tried to keep myself occupied. Everything seemed to be going well with his treatment, and then this. I don't know how long this radiation treatment will keep him going. I can't believe that he might soon be gone. It ... doesn't register, it really doesn't. He's always been a constant in my life. I'm scared of how Grandma will cope once he goes. They'll have been married 53 years this April, if he gets that far.

I've been very lucky. I'm a month off turning 21 and all four of my grandparents are still alive. Nobody close to me has died. Everyone else I know is lucky to have half their grandparents still alive even at the start of the teenage years. But I'm scared of how I will respond when the inevitable happens, and I get the impression the inevitable is coming sooner rather than later. It seems most people learn to cope with death as children, and children are resilient. I never learnt that. It looms over me horribly. I'm just slightly paranoid about it; my closest friends and family can attest that I get a little nervous when they fly or I don't hear from them for an unexpectedly long period of time. What will happen? Death's so fucking permanent; I'll be a wreck. I can't imagine life without Grandpa. He's such a character, his personality is really warm and he tells such great stories and jokes that are so overwhelmingly lame that they become funny.

Well, he survived the Tangiwai railway disaster. The only survivor in his carriage (a fact I did not know when I wrote the 2004 entry I just linked to). One of only 28 of the 176 second class passengers to survive. I'm sure he believes he can beat anything. I hope that attitude doesn't wane, because as long as he's got that and his sense of humour, he'll cling in there and fight all the bloody way. 24 December will be especially poignant this year, 54 years after Tangiwai and likely the last with Grandpa here. Perhaps I will go to Tangiwai next year to pay my respects.

Just what he survived. )

I can't believe how long it took me to write this entry. I feel ... a strange empty, queasy, sick, sorrowful feeling I've never quite felt and don't know how to describe.
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[7 December 2007|11:59 pm]
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[Current Mood | tired]
[Current Music |'Red Ran Amber' by Pelican]

Well, I recently received my university results for the second semester. I think this is turning into "Axver's half-yearly justifiable bragging". So let's get that out of the way. )

Now I have 2.5 months to kill before the start of the next academic year. My aim is to stay productive and to keep producing work, even if it is not immediately useful. I'm sure I can still come across some ideas for LJ entries, at least! I need something to keep my brain occupied. Frankly, I feel that the lengthy summer break is too long. The month we get in winter is very nice, and the 1-2 week long mid-semester breaks are welcome relief. 2.5-3 months strikes me as overkill; I imagine that I am in a stark minority here though! But if I enjoy my work and research, then that is far more desirable than essentially killing time.

As it is, I'm already starting to think ahead to my thesis for my Honours year in 2009. I am increasingly coming to feel that I shall pursue the history of New Zealand. I have had my doubts. Is there demand? Is it worthwhile? Am I just pottering away about some place at the bottom of the world that most people only know for its rugby team? And that last question is partly what spurs me on to do it - there is so much more to New Zealand, and it has such a rich history that I think it demands more work. It certainly seems like academic analysis of Kiwi history is thin on the ground and much is yet to be done. I am starting to feel like there is a place for me. I am starting to feel like I have some ideas, perhaps not original ideas but overlooked and underexplored ideas. Whether they are a substantial contribution or not is, I suspect, something for others to judge. All I can do is to keep asserting the importance and relevance of New Zealand's historical legacy, both internally and externally. I suspect it boils down to the more general question of why history matters in the first place, and that is far too involved a topic for me to handle with my brain in its current tired state.

Have a good one, folks!
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[6 November 2007|11:40 pm]
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[Current Music |'Don't Fall' by The Chameleons]

Wow, time really flies. I can remember exactly where I was a year ago at this very moment. Luke and I were standing on a hill looking into ANZ Stadium, Brisbane, as a Queensland tropical storm broke above us and U2 played a dress rehearsal for their first gig in months the next night. Luke was under the shelter of my umbrella. My right arm and notepad for setlist details were also safely under the umbrella. Meanwhile, the rest of me was in the pouring rain, getting abso-fucking-lutely drenched. That's what you call dedication to setlists. A good time was had by all. The setlist is here, down in the soundcheck portion for Monday 06/11. And this is the article I wrote for U2VT after we got back home.

Last November really was such a load of fun. I travelled, I caught up with loads of cool people, and I saw seven really cool gigs, plus the aforementioned dress rehearsal. I saw the real One None Tree Hill, walked down the Onehunga Branch, and got delayed on a Melbourne tram because of a guy with bongos. I got to use German with real Germans who smuggled cameras and tape recorders into concerts; I met Danes who spoke English better than most of the native speakers I've ever met; I watched a bunch of Sydneysiders create a bizarre form of "queue cricket" with a tennis ball and jandals (that's flip-flops for the Yanks) while our entrance to Telstra Stadium was delayed. We got songs like One Tree Hill, The First Time, Party Girl, and Kite. Damn it was awesome fun.
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Advice and wisdom from my youth [18 October 2007|11:47 pm]
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[Current Mood | amused]
[Current Music |'11 O'clock Tick Tock (6 May 1983)' by U2]

Earlier this week, Kate and I were flicking through a diary I wrote when I was six and went on a holiday around New Zealand's South Island. I was honestly surprised at how neat my writing was and how I spelt almost nothing wrong, though as the diary progresses, my run-on sentences get worse and worse, to the point that some entries are one big sentence. Then we found what I did at the end to use up the remaining space.

My conclusion to the trip: "The holiday was great!!! You should have come, stupids! Seen an old road bridge? You should really see!!! Come on then pack!!! Are you stupid?"

Yep, you should visit the South Island to see AN OLD ROAD BRIDGE. Who cares about the Southern Alps? It's all about old road bridges.

And then I wrote a bunch of short stories that I am sure will be classics enjoyed for millennia. The first in particular is masterful literature. )
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On a decade outside my homeland. [8 October 2007|11:24 pm]
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[Current Location |Melbourne, Victoria, Australia]
[Current Music |'Stars Die' by Porcupine Tree]

Well, today is the tenth anniversary of my move to Australia. We visited Australia for the first time in January 1997, to visit my aunt and uncle who'd been living on the Gold Coast since about 1993. When we went back to Raumati Beach, Mum decided it was time for a change, so late on 8 October 1997, we landed at Brisbane airport to start a completely new life. It's funny how time can really fly. On 29 June next year, I will have lived exactly half my life in both countries; I suppose I effectively already have now, and I certainly did a lot of really important intellectual growth on this side of the Tasman as opposed to the side I was born on.

I honestly don't really know how I feel about this. For a while, I've really wondered about my national identity, and the strong British and American influences through the mass media and Internet don't really make that process easier. I will always be a New Zealander, of course; I love the country's beautiful landscapes, its world-leader status as far as progressive politics go, and its enchanting railways. I take pride in the country's achievements and I'm deeply interested in its history, to the point that it will likely be an important part of my future academic pursuits. But what do I really have as far as culture goes? What context do I come from? When I go back to New Zealand, each time I feel like I fit in less than I did last time. The only shred of readily identifiable Kiwi culture I have is the rugby thing. Oh, and I suppose the progressive politics, which were internalised from an early age. As for Australia, I very much appreciate living here, I'm quite comfortable and certainly I think I've been able to achieve more than had I stayed in New Zealand. That said, I still often feel like an outsider on Australian culture, often an interested outsider but an outsider all the same. Even though I'm a citizen, I don't consider myself Australian; that said, I have been known to refer to it as "my country" on occasions, and I think you can fairly do that when you're a resident and thus a participant in the contemporary scene. Apparent contradictions are quickly reconciled when you realise just how much crossover there is between New Zealand and Australia anyway. We have our differences, but they're often exaggerated and the similarities overlooked. Now, I've never been to Belgium, but from what I've heard of its regional divisions, Flanders and Wallonia have much, much less in common than my two countries that are separated by 3,000km of ocean! Hell, we probably have more in common than some parts of the US do with each other.

I don't know where this is leading. I was just thinking about what it means when I say I'm a New Zealander, what it identifies. Rugby? Progressivism? I suppose that's a culture. It just feels diluted, like my identification is weak, that I'm an outsider wherever I am. Maybe that makes me more neutral; maybe it's a good quality. I suppose that if I'm going to do academic work on New Zealand, I don't want to be biased by patriotic fervour anyway - which is why I'll stay far away from any kind of rugby history! It'd all just be "we're the best, here's some apologetics regarding certain losses, oh yeah and we're the best, don't get in the way of the All Blacks or we'll eat you for breakfast". What I think is the biggest shame is that while in New Zealand, I only loosely experienced our surprisingly rich music history; I became fully conscious of it only from about the age of 17 on. And that was primarily the fault of a Minnesotan, [info]screendoor3! Heh. Make sense of that one.

Well, there's some directionless pondering. After yesterday, I was too damn embarrassed and disappointed to wear an All Blacks shirt, so instead I got out my Wellington Hurricanes one instead. Damn, I really miss Raumati Beach sometimes. It'd be nice to walk out and look at that island rather than just the sprawling inner suburbia of bland sixties flats and somewhat older and nicer houses. Well, at least this inner suburbia is redeemed by the trams, unlike Brisbane.

Aotearoa, rugged individual
Glistens like a pearl at the bottom of the world ...

- Six Months In A Leaky Boat by Split Enz

Have a good one, folks.
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University, followed by political satire in music [20 August 2007|11:48 pm]
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[Current Mood | sleepy]
[Current Music |'Purple, Blue, And Yellow' by The Clear]

You know what I hate? Slack universities. Some of you may recall that due to an asthma attack during the regular exam period at the end of this year's first semester, I had to miss one of my exams and instead took it during the supplementary period just before the start of second semester. That was over a month ago now. You'd think that I'd have my results back, especially considering that things proceed much quicker after the regular session that has a far higher volume of exams, but no. I'm still waiting. I'd love to know if I achieved a clean sweep of H1s in the first semester, H1 being 80-100%. As I just implied, I got an H1 in my other three subjects, including a 92% overall in Crisis Zones of Europe. I don't know about marking systems elsewhere (I've certainly heard of some that seem to give 90%+ marks more willingly), but a mark like that isn't easy to come by here.

I don't believe I've posted this semester's subjects, so here they are:

131-211: History of the Arab-Israeli Conflict
131-225: Terrorism in Modern Conflict
131-226: The Struggle for Universal Human Rights
166-030: Transitions in Central and Eastern Europe

So three history courses (the 131 subjects) and one political science, which breaks my pattern of normally splitting my subjects equally. I originally had a second political science subject, Global Movements: Emerging Paradigms, but when I discovered that Dr Horvath was taking Universal Human Rights, I switched to that as it had a very similar timetable. Horvath took Crisis Zones of Europe last semester, and I think part of the reason why I did so well in that subject was because he's so meticulous and thorough. I feel like I definitely made the right choice. Universal Human Rights should allow me to finally write on some New Zealand history, something I have been craving to do: I may be allowed to modify one of the mid-semester essay topics and write about the New Zealand women's suffrage movement and how the country came to be the first in the world to grant women the vote.

Speaking of New Zealand, I have finally been able to get my hands on a song called There Is No Depression In New Zealand by Blam Blam Blam. Fancy a listen? It's a satirical rock song from 1981 about the political climate under Prime Minister Rob Muldoon and contains the fantastic chorus of "there is no depression in New Zealand/there are no sheep on our farms". I doubt people unfamiliar with the times would really get much of the lyrical content, but for me, it's great - a satirical/political song that I can really strongly relate to. Despite my political interest, I generally feel like an outsider when listening to such songs from the US and Europe; I relate more strongly to the general emotion rather than the specific message much of the time. Of all the political songs I've heard in my life, this one definitely strikes me as the most meaningful.
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Music goodness [31 July 2007|11:06 pm]
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[Current Music |'Part Of Me, Part Of You' by the Finn Brothers]

Last month, I made an LJ post containing my entry for the Interference forum's "Prog Island" tracklist tournament. We're now about to commence the third installment of the full-blown Desert Island tournament, so I thought I'd again post my tracklist with explanatory details. This is a bit of a complex one and I think the second half is the best tracklist I have ever made. And yes, like last time, there are links.

Aotearoa: Rugged Individual, Parts I and II. )

Well, I hope you enjoy it.
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New Zealand Pictures, Part IV: Raumati Beach, Paraparaumu, and trains [12 July 2007|09:40 pm]
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[Current Music |'Printemps Emeraude' by Alcest]

This will be the final part of my series of entries with photos from New Zealand. I'm skipping over Raumati South straight to Raumati Beach, as I took only two photos in Raumati South, neither of which would be of any particular interest to anybody: just a small set of shops and the kindy I went to when I was four. So here are some of the photos I took of my hometown. I took an absolute stack of photos of the miniature railway, but I'll spare you most of them.

Seven photos from Raumati Beach. )

And now we move slightly up the coast to Paraparaumu. It and Raumati essentially blur together.

Four photos from Paraparaumu. )

I did proceed north from Paraparaumu to Otaihanga, but none of my photos from there are really anything special. Were it not for the evening sunlight, I would have been able to get some nice photos of the Waikanae River. Oh well, next time! So instead, because I can, here are photos of trains!

Eight photos of Kiwi trains. )

And that's it for my photos from New Zealand!
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New Zealand Pictures, Part III: Queen Elizabeth Park and the Mungatooks [11 July 2007|09:47 pm]
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[Current Music |'Tombstone' by Crowded House]

Continuing on from yesterday's post, I'm proceeding up the Kapiti Coast to Queen Elizabeth Park, which is between Paekakariki and Raumati South. During World War II, it was home to a US Army and Marines camp, and is now the home of the Wellington Tramway Museum. The Museum operates a 2km line and runs preserved Wellington trams (the Wellington network closed in 1964), along with a couple from Brisbane and one from New York.

Twelve Queen Elizabeth Park photos. )

Usually, if you want to go from Queen Elizabeth Park to Paraparaumu, you will just drive straight up State Highway 1 past Raumati. However, Grandad and I had already been up that way, so we decided to take the back way through a valley behind Raumati. Waterfall Road leaves State Highway 1 not far north of the Queen Elizabeth Park main entry, and I'd forgotten just how AWFUL that road is. It is effectively a single lane road and it feels like it does an almost never-ending succession of blind curves. I was terrified of another car coming around a corner in the opposite direction, but fortunately nobody did. It then leads onto the wider, nicer Valley Road which goes up to Paraparaumu. Leaving Valley Road is Maungakotukutuku Road, which leads into the Maungakotukutuku Valley, an area I know simply as "the Mungatooks". Yeah, even we think Maungakotukutuku ("Mownga-koh-took-oo-took-oo") is a pain in the arse to pronounce. My mother used to walk and run in the Mungatooks all the time, and in more rugged areas, my uncle did dirt bike racing.

Four photos from the back way to Paraparaumu. )

Tomorrow: my hometown itself, Raumati Beach!
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