| To hell with it all. |
[3 March 2008|01:42 am] |
What a year. I've just had enough. On Saturday, my mother had to go to hospital again. I didn't mention it in my last entry because I had very few details at hand. She feared she was suffering the onset of another attack of the pancreatitis, so she admitted herself to hospital and they monitored her condition. Much to my relief, it was not her pancreas playing up, but of course, it was something else, some issue relating to old internal scar tissue actually. The doctors have now let her return home as they believe the issue will work itself out, and if the pain reappears, they can treat it. That's more heartening than the whole pancreatitis matter, which can only be controlled rather than cured. Still, having to go to hospital again just makes me even more worried about my mother's health.
I suppose one positive is that one of the machines that Mum was plugged into kept being set off by how strong her heartbeat is. Apparently she has the heart of a super-fit person. I can't say I'm surprised. She used to do marathons and triathlons and all that sort of stuff when she was younger, and she still walks and cycles considerably. I'm sure she'd still at least be doing half-marathons if her health were better. So while her pancreas is stuffed, her heart is very strong.
It's just one of life's cruel jokes, isn't it? Here's a woman not even fifty who does all the right things, exercises frequently and eats well, ending up in hospital and having to implement all kinds of radical and undesirable diet changes to cater to some stupid condition she got anyway, while there's probably some 50+ year old wanker out there who smokes, gets sloshed nightly, eats abysmally, never exercises more than lifting the TV remote, and hasn't had a single health issue in their life. And here I am, down in Melbourne, unable to much beyond offer my concern and sympathy on the phone. I hate being so bloody far away. If I were in Brisbane, I could at least jump on a train down to the Gold Coast. I wouldn't trade living in Melbourne for anything, but it's times like these that I feel every second of the 18 hour drive between Melbourne and Queensland very acutely. What's next, you know?
If her health holds up, she's coming to Melbourne for a few days next week. I'm very happy about that. And then, of course, I'm going to Brisbane in late April to see Porcupine Tree with her. Speaking of Porcupine Tree, their new live release, We Lost The Skyline, is simply amazing. It's just over 30 minutes of only Steven Wilson and John Wesley performing a stripped-down set at a record store appearance. The songs are rearranged and sound fantastic. Drown With Me in particular has struck a chord with me; SW and Wes vocally interact in an eerily beautiful way during the "resting there in a stream/buried in green" portion. I would have loved to have heard them do the third part of Anesthetize too, but you can't have everything; all the tracks here are absolutely fantastic. I've played this a lot and it has brought me some measure of cheer this weekend. Immersing myself in music seems to be healthy. The cricket today was also very entertaining, with Sachin Tendulkar scoring a fantastic century to take India to victory over Australia. Small pleasures like that are important.
Small pleasures can only do so much, though. I'm exhausted. I'm sick of 2008 already. I've already had one bad year. I feel so much worry and concern, and I just hope there's no more because I couldn't take it. University starts tomorrow. Today, actually; it's early Monday already. Perhaps I can just immerse myself in my studies and lose myself inside my mind. I'll still worry though, no matter what I do. I'm so worn out. I'm sorry, I have e-mails and LJ comments to reply to, but I just am not up to it. I'm going to bed. Maybe I'll wake up to something better. |
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| An important issue: organ donation |
[15 January 2008|10:37 pm] |
The news this evening broadcast a story about a call to introduce an "opt out" scheme for organ donation in Australia to replace our current "opt in" system. This follows a similar proposal being put forth in the UK, and the successful implementation of such a system in Spain. The Health Minister has nonetheless ruled out an "opt out" approach for now, and I have noticed one thing - nobody seems to have come forth with a reasonable case against an "opt out" system (it seems the main argument is that Australia's just not ready for it), or for that matter, a reasonable case against organ donation.
I cannot think of a single logical reason why someone would not wish to donate their organs after their death. I occasionally hear someone state that they have legally lodged their intent to not donate, but this is never followed by an explanation as to why. In the couple of Internet forums where I have had the chance to question someone on this matter, they have either not posted again or dodged/ignored the question entirely. Come on. You're dead. You don't need the organs; they're not of any benefit left in your body. If you want to have an open viewing at your funeral, there is no external evidence that you're missing some of your insides. I'll go as far as saying that opting out is a decidedly selfish and stupid move, especially as it seems objectors are incapable of providing a persuasive argument in their favour. I'm willing to reconsider and publicly retract my accusation of stupidity though, so if you object and think you have a good reason, please, speak up. I'd like to hear it.
The argument against donation that I do hear regularly is the basic religious argument, which comes in various forms - the sanctity of the body as God's creation, the state of the body at a resurrection before a final judgement, and others. All of these arguments completely irk me, as I think they are, to put it mildly, theologically flimsy. They essentially imply either or both of two things. Firstly, the weakness of a deity; it does not have the power to restore any organs that may be necessary, or to wholly remake the body in the case of cremation - all the while seemingly ignoring the emphasis put upon the soul as an intangible part of being that exists beyond the temporal plane of existence. Secondly, the malevolence of a deity; for reasons not stated, the deity has some kind of opposition to a generous act that can prolong the life of another person. Surely, if life itself is the creation of the deity, it would not just approve but actually ordain any actions that can be taken to prolong life and improve its quality?
Well, in any case, for those of you in Australia, if you wish to opt in to the current organ donation scheme, you can do so here on Medicare's website. For the record, I have made it very clear to my mother that I wish every useful part of my body to be donated; I have realised that I am not actually on the register and shall rectify that immediately upon my return from New Zealand (the online registration requires the receipt of an item of mail, and I do not wish to have letters piling up while I am away). I have furthermore made it clear that if I cannot donate my organs, if at all possible I want them to be given to science for any research that can be done. I have to die at some point, and while I bloody well hope that's many decades away, when I do die I might as well be usefully dead rather than worm food. |
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[25 January 2007|09:12 pm] |
Ah, good times: late last night, my DSL Internet burst into life. Of course, that was just after the light fixture in my lounge fell from the ceiling and was left dangling by one thick wire. Oh, the excitement never ceases at Axverland! The light is safely back in the ceiling now, though, and I'm happily back on my high speed Internet. Everything seems to be finally settling down here after so much craziness. I'm hoping that I can have a quiet weekend before hopefully getting into the swing of things and finding my feet here in Melbourne. It would be nice to simply rest after all that has gone on in the last fortnight, though my mother could certainly use rest even more than I do. ( More on Mum's condition. )
( Daylight bloody savings. ) |
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[19 January 2007|10:44 pm] |
OK, very quick update today.
The good news first: my mother has been discharged from the hospital and is now an outpatient. They need to do more tests but her normal doctor can run those or refer her to the loca hospital. At the moment, they suspect the pains are the result of some sort of stone in her pancreas, and some kind of connection between this stone and acute pancreatitis, but this isn't a definite diagnosis yet. I'm just glad Mum was well enough to come home today, though she can't fly down to Melbourne for a couple of weeks.
So that leads to the bad news. I have to leave for Melbourne tomorrow. I just had to say goodbye to Mum, which sucked a lot. I'm going with my Nan. My stuff was meant to be delivered at 1:30-3:30pm tomorrow, but we got a call this evening that the truck now won't be arriving in Melbourne until Sunday and the delivery to me will take place on Monday. That sure threw a spanner in the works as I didn't get word of this until it was past the deadline to reschedule my flight or contact the Uni of Melbourne that I won't be there early on Monday, so I have to go down on the original plan, pick up my key for my new house tomorrow and go to the uni as normal early Monday - but this means that unless one of our Melbourne contacts has two spare beds, Nan and I will be sleeping on airbeds in a nearly empty unit for two nights! Grreeeaaaaat. Thanks for sucking, backloads.com.au. Though, to be fair, at least this puts me out less than the $3,500 I would have had to pay for a dedicated removalist.
So this weekend will be interesting, with no Internet access unless I go to an Internet cafe, and besides that, very little of anything really. Nan and I will make do somehow, heh. For now, I should be off to bed as we have an early flight, but I'm nervous and keep staying awake despite my intentions to get rest. Have a good one, folks, and I hope to see you all sooner rather than later.
PS England, your cricket team sucks. |
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[18 January 2007|11:37 pm] |
Just a quick update today, as I'm dead tired and want to go to bed as soon as possible. Things are looking a little better today, though still quite stressful and worrisome on multiple fronts. My mother felt a bit worse this morning compared to yesterday, but she's improved during the day and when I went to see her this afternoon, she'd really perked up. It was quite a change from Tuesday night: then, she was lying on a bed in a corridor of A&E, plugged into all kinds of machines; now, she's in a ward with her own semi-private room and was freed of the machines a couple of hours before I arrived. It was really great to see her getting up, walking around. She looked and sounded so much healthier too, though certainly not like her usual self.
The doctors seem a bit closer to a diagnosis. They've ruled out her heart as the cause, and though they then moved onto suspicions with her liver and kidneys, they seem to have now discounted that too. Right now, idications point towards trouble with her pancreas, e.g. pancreatitis. However, whether that is a possible diagnosis depends very much on some test results that will come through tomorrow morning. I just want a diagnosis, an end to this mystery, and naturally I want the diagnosis to be something easily treated. I just want my mother back to health. It feels so wrong that she won't be coming down to Melbourne with me on Saturday, even though we've arrived for my Nan to come. I always expected this week to be nicer, a week to catch up with friends before traveling with Mum to Melbourne, not a week ruled by worry and trips to my mother in hospital. Ah well, this week and next and all their associated problems will soon pass, and by mid-February, things should be looking quite positive. Even if the bank balances of myself and the rest of my family look like they've taken a hammering. Any millionaires out there feeling generous? Heh ... |
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| Today wasn't the ideal day for Happy Birthday. |
[17 January 2007|10:38 pm] |
I have often looked forward to this day. Although I am not one to put much stock in days and often discard the significance of my birthday, I have not found my teenage years to be especially enjoyable and so, in spite of my general attitude, I have looked forward to turning twenty and no longer being a teenager. Of course, I always thought this would be a good day, mixed with a bit of relief. How wrong was I!
I can't help but find some grim amusement in the actions of yesterday - not only was I moving on to a new chapter in my life literally as well as in some socially constructed sense, the day's confusion and emotional and physical pain seemed to work as a fitting summary of my teenage years. I certainly hope today does not to be particularly indicative of much, though! It has not exactly been the ideal day, let alone birthday. My mother stayed in hospital the entire day and the doctors are still unsure of what's wrong with her, though she says she feels much better now and is hoping to be discharged tomorrow. I, however, have had medical concerns of my own that I may discuss at a later date, and spent my afternoon not at a birthday party but at the doctor's clinic. Yeah, I'm sure that's what everyone wants to do for their 20th.
I then had a whole bunch of other stuff to do and ultimately couldn't go up to Brisbane to see my mother, which was upsetting and unpleasant. It is my first birthday without my mother and I certainly hope it is my last for many, many years to come. I didn't even get to meet up with any friends, just a few family members. Blah, not a day to remember positively, though I did book my flight to Melbourne. I'll be rocking up there early on Saturday morning. It will be interesting how things go from there. I do hope my furniture arrives on that day rather than Sunday! But I have to go down on Saturday as my presence is required at the real estate agent's office that day and the university on Monday. Things will get interesting if my furniture won't be delivered until Sunday, heh, but I'm sure I'll be able to work around that somehow. I just hope my mother will be heal;thy enough to travel down with me, or at least join me soon after.
I think that's all the news for now. Things thankfully are not as dire as they were last night. There is surely little more unpleasant than farewelling your mother when she is lying on a bed in the corridor of a frantically busy Accident and Emergency ward, hooked up to all kinds of machines. Especially when the guy on the next bed in the corridor has been brought in by helicopter and his machines show barely any pulse at all, and other patients in varying degrees of distress are being wheeled by constantly. What a thoroughly dismal place to be.
Stay healthy, folks. |
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[16 January 2007|11:56 pm] |
Wow, what a day. I always knew today would be highly symbolic, as it is my last day as a teenager and appropriately the day I move out and depart for a new life in Melbourne. I didn't see today's other major event coming, though. I certainly saw out my final teenage hours in a way I did not desire in the slightest. My mother had mild stomach pains this morning that progressively worsened throughout the day, to the point that in the mid-afternoon, it became "worse than childbirth" and I called 000. Scariest thing I've done in my life. They sent out an ambulance for her and took her to hospital while the removalists were taking all of my stuff. It was a hectic time at the No-Longer-Axver Residence. Once all my stuff was packed and off to Melbourne, we went to visit Mum in hsopital. They;ve run tests and such on her but don't yet have a clear idea what's wrong. She's being kept in overnight to be monitored to make sure it's not her heart. Keep her in yout thoughts and prayers if you would, please.
What a day. What an incredibly stressful long day. A memorable way to see out my teenage years, but not memorable in any way I could have wanted. I don't like that tomorrow, I'll turn 20 while Mum's in hospital. It feels all so wrong. I'm just going to go to bed now and let today end. Have a good, non-stomach-achey one, folks. |
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worried