Contradiction is balance.

Railway nationalisation and comedy goodness

2008-05-05T16:35:45Z

I doubt anybody else is going to give a shit, but I am thoroughly delighted to learn that today (well, yesterday now), the New Zealand government has bought back the national railway operations and the system will be a state asset again. This is some of the best news I have heard in a long time. The sale of New Zealand Rail in 1993 has proved to be one of the biggest disasters in New Zealand infrastructural and political history. It was vivid proof that privatisation does not work. The best operator of a sustainable railway network is always going to be a body that is politically accountable to the general population, rather than one accountable solely to shareholders and other private financial interests that care solely about growing their bank balance. The government-run NZR was never perfect, and it committed some spectacular failures (funnily enough, typically under National governments; I have a hard time thinking of Labour fucking up, while every significant anti-rail step has been taken by National). But a private company is going to focus solely on the routes offering greatest short-term profits and has no obligation to serve the community, and for that reason it simply cannot compare to a state-run railway. Unless you conceptualise profit solely in financial terms, this is brilliant news.

Richard Prebble, of course, is blowing uninformed smoke out of his arse. Anybody who bothers to listen to him and his spin is an idiot. No scientist on the planet is going to support his assertion that the environmental friendliness of rail is a "myth". What a fool. I wonder which trucking company is bankrolling his political career?

Anyway, I'm off to bed as I'm extremely tired - but I'm happy. Let's hope we'll now get some new motive power. It's incomprehensible that the last brand new class of mainline locomotives was the DF class back in 1979.

Oh, but before I go, I love Good News Week. From tonight's episode:

A wombat is:
A). A marsupial
B). An implement for playing Wom
C). Wanted for rape in New Zealand

Our home is girt by:
A). Sea
B). Eh?
C). Bees

Paul McDermott reading out the second of those two was priceless.

axver @ 2008-05-05T01:24:00

2008-05-04T15:29:55Z

For the last week or so, the Elisabeth Fritzl case has been all over the news, and for good reason - it's an absolutely stunning and horrifying story. I'm sure most of you are familiar with it already, but the gist of it is that Austrian Elisabeth Fritzl was imprisoned in a cellar by her father, Josef, at the age of 18 and held there for 24 years before being freed in April. During this time, her father repeatedly raped her and she gave birth to seven of his children; one died not long after childbirth, three were adopted by Elisabeth's parents, and three grew up in the cellar with Elisabeth. Elisabeth's mother Rosemarie was apparently unaware of this the entire time.

It's an unbelieveable story and the media's been having a field day. I've followed it on SBS and online, so I think I've missed the worst of the commercial TV and tabloid media's tasteless and voyeuristic attitude of "let's pry into absolutely every gory detail under a thin veneer of 'news'!" What I have come away with is a sense that there is a lot more to this story than has been released to the media, as parts of it simply don't make any sense.

Most conspicuous to me is the role of Elisabeth's mother in all of this. Elisabeth disappeared in late August 1984; in September, a note appeared from her telling her parents and police to stop looking for her. And what, this was apparently enough to satisfy Rosemarie? "Oh no, my daughter's run away. Well, let's just call off everything and move on with our lives." No mother's going to do that. Then there are the three children that Elisabeth supposedly abandoned to her parents. Either her mother is an astonishingly stupid and/or cold person, or there's something more going on here. I also wonder how the authorities were satisfied to give up any search for Elisabeth and legally allowed Josef to adopt three of Elisabeth's children despite her disappearance. It seems Josef was adept at twisting red tape, but there's a spectacular failure by somebody here, surely.

Rosemarie also must be one of the most stunningly oblivious people on the planet. Four individuals are pretty hard to hide. Josef clearly had to provide for them, yet somehow managed to hide all of this activity and expenditure from Rosemarie? For 24 years? What exactly was she doing all this time? I mean, there's her daughter in her cellar, giving birth to seven kids, living with three of them, and somehow she notices absolutely nothing to indicate that things aren't right? Providing food and other necessary provisions for four people isn't exactly the easiest thing in the world to obscure. It is perhaps understandable that other people in the town didn't notice anything, as Josef was clearly rather good at spinning stories, but after 24 years, you would think that Rosemarie might have been alerted to some signs regarding her daughter's fate.

Now, Josef doesn't seem like the most exemplary chap, so a plausible argument could be made that possibly he kept Rosemarie in check with violence and abuse (not that I have seen any evidence to support such an assertion). But she was a free individual, with access to hotlines and the police. Even if she feared her husband, you would think that in an exceptional case like this, if she noticed the signs and suspected her husband was holding her daughter prisoner, she would contact the police to save her daughter. It's one thing to fear reprisals in an attempt to save yourself; it is quite another when your own child is in danger.

There's just something not told here. It's early days and early details. As I suppose this entry demonstrates, it is really bloody hard to know what to think, or what to make of this. The case is just so extraordinary that it seems to me there must be more to it than the little story we know already. I guess it's too neat. If one thing is clear, though, it's this: Josef Fritzl is a candidate for the title of "worst person on the planet". What a nauseating waste of oxygen.

Review of Porcupine Tree live at the Palace Theatre, Melbourne, 25 April 2008

2008-05-02T11:53:05Z

It's Friday night. While everybody else is out probably doing something cool, I'm sitting here about to write some piece on the Kant-inspired democratic peace thesis. It could be worse, I suppose; I am at least going to write it while enjoying a shoegazer kick. My Bloody Valentine were always over-rated, really; Ride are where it's at if you want quality shoegazing and I would consider the Nowhere album - rather than MBV's kind of samey Loveless - to be definitive of the genre.

And, of course, I'm also reflecting on where I was a week ago. I think it's about time I put down some detailed thoughts on Porcupine Tree's concert in Melbourne.

25 April. ANZAC Day. Admittedly, I was a bit surprised the band were going to play that day. I passed on going to a dawn service so I would still be alert late at night for the gig; frustratingly, the band's set was scheduled rather late, for 11pm-1am. Not at all good for those of us dependent on public transport, but at least Ali from Interference could give me a lift home.

Ali and I arrived a little over an hour before doors opened. Much to my surprise, when they did open at 8:30, it was a matter of simply strolling up to the front row and staking my claim for a spot on the rail. It seems an astonishing amount of people who turn up earlier than I do nonetheless go straight to the merch desk or the bar and pass up on the opportunity to be in the front row. It's not a hard choice for me, though, and I planted myself on the right as you look at the stage, in front of bassist Colin Edwin's position. After this point, it was just a matter of waiting - opening band Sleep Parade weren't due on until 9:30.

Now, let's get the bad stuff out of the way first. While Porcupine Tree have had droolworthy openers in Europe such as Anathema and Pure Reason Revolution, down here in Australia, we were stuck with a bunch of local lads, Sleep Parade. I regret not using my earplugs for their set; I thought I would be OK, but about halfway through - when the damage had already been done - I realised I was in error. Whoever was mixing the sound for Sleep Parade was quite possibly deaf. The guitar and vocals were far too low in the mix and not a single word sung by the vocalist was comprehensible. The bassist's skill could not be discerned, as everything he played just blurred into an inpenetrable wall of bass noise. Worst of all, the drummer was far too loud and made listening to the band painful. At subsequent shows when I did wear my earplugs, I discovered that they had some tolerable songs lost under the mix, but what a waste of an hour. I also found their singer/guitarist's onstage mannerisms to be a bit comical, but credit to the drummer, who was full of energy and played his heart out.

Finally, at 11pm, the theatre went dark, images began playing on the screen at the back of the stage, and the band took the stage. I was already familiar with the setlists from the earlier legs of the tour and wondered what changes we would receive or what rarities might be played. As it turned out, we got a very solid two hour setlist that focused strongly on Fear Of A Blank Planet, the album the band is currently promoting, but gave a solid overview of their earlier work too and even brought out Dark Matter from Signify. The full set, as I posted a few days ago, was:

1. Fear Of A Blank Planet
2. What Happens Now?
3. The Sound Of Muzak
4. Lazarus
5. Anesthetize
6. Open Car
7. Dark Matter
8. Hatesong
9. A Smart Kid
10. Blackest Eyes
11. Way Out Of Here
12. Sleep Together

13. Trains
14. Halo

The crowd absolutely went off. This was not simply Porcupine Tree's first Australian concert, but their first show in the entire Southern Hemisphere. Before - or maybe after? - Lazarus, Steven Wilson remarked that a couple of months ago, the band had no idea if anybody in Australia even wanted to hear their music. He got a deafening roar in response, and he assured the crowd that the band would be back soon; we can only hope this proves to be more than just crowd-pleasing talk. Anesthetize was preceded with a remark about how Porcupine Tree is not "a band known for its brevity"; they proceeded to rock the fuck out of the Palace Theatre for 17.5 minutes with the centrepiece of the latest album.

I won't go through each song individually; I will, however, note that the trio of older songs, Dark Matter/Hatesong/A Smart Kid, was the highlight of the night along with Anesthetize and the encore. I was considerably impressed with how well Steven Wilson sung the "crushed like a rose in the river flow/I am, I know" part of Dark Matter, Hatesong allowed Colin Edwin and Gavin Harrison to steal the limelight for a song, though not without Steven Wilson providing stiff competition with some awesome guitar playing, and A Smart Kid was beautiful in its mournful and melancholic atmosphere.

It was during this sequence of songs - specifically the end of Hatesong - when the concert's most bizarre moment took place. Steven Wilson had to stop keyboardist Richard Barbieri from proceeding into A Smart Kid, and remarked into his microphone that his earpiece was lodged in his ear canal. He nonetheless played on, and after a couple of songs, a roadie removed the earpiece with a pair of tweezers, complete with a quip from Stevo that "you get everything at a Porcupine Tree concert, including live surgery on stage!" It was presumably the unfortunately located earpiece that threw off Stevo's timing in Blackest Eyes; for one chorus, he got completely lost on the lyrics and instead sung the melody as the crowd belted out the words for him in a vivid demonstration of how into the show Melbourne was.

Presumably due to the main set running a bit longer than expected, particularly with the earpiece incident, Mother And Child Divided was cut from the start of the encore and the band went directly into Trains. It was undoubtedly the biggest crowd pleaser of the night; it was greeted with a huge cheer, produced an enthusiastic sing-along, and unsurprisingly the 3/4 time clapping drew massive participation. The enthusiasm remained unabated for Halo, an absolutely storming concert closer, and the band left the stage to thunderous cheers and applause. It's pretty safe to say Melbourne loves Porcupine Tree. I sure as hell did. Being right up front sure as hell was the place to be. What an awesome couple of hours.

Porcupine Tree live in Australia - brief thoughts and setlists

2008-04-27T15:16:59Z

I just had the best weekend of my life. I am exhausted, my legs ache a lot, my ears are ringing, and I think I may be lightheaded from dehydration or too much headbanging or most likely both. Why?

I just saw Porcupine Tree's three Australian shows. I just saw all three of Porcupine Tree's Australian concerts from the front row. THREE OUT OF THREE. Two of those were just pure dumb luck - when a spot's free in front of you, you'd be insane to not take it, especially when you're a short and nearly legally blind guy like myself. The third, Brisbane, was very much intentional; I got there quite early in the well-placed hope that I would secure a spot on the rail.

I need to sleep and I suspect I am not entirely coherent right now, as I just got back from the Brisbane show half an hour ago, the most awesome and intense gig of the lot. I'm still in a bit of awe. That was the best gig I've ever seen. So I'm not even going to attempt lengthy thoughts or recollections. I would just like to note two of the moments that most stick in my mind. Firstly, Even Less in Brisbane! That alone made the trip worth it. Secondly, in Melbourne during Hatesong, Steven Wilson got his earpiece lodged in his ear canal! He played on like that through two songs, then finally a roadie was able to remove it with tweezers - as SW remarked, you get everything at a Porcupine Tree concert, including surgery live on stage!

I shall now proceed to bed, but below are the setlists for all three shows. I would normally be critical of static sets, and Porcupine Tree have had more variety on this tour's European and North American legs, but it's worth noting the isolation of these three shows. They're over four months after the band last played, and subsequent shows are just festival appearances in the Northern summer. That fact combined with the reality that these are the band's only Southern Hemisphere shows ever meant I expected them to just pick a single set and play the same stuff all three times. What variety existed was therefore a pleasant surprise indeed.

2007-04-25, Palace Theatre (formerly The Metro), Melbourne

1. Fear Of A Blank Planet
2. What Happens Now?
3. The Sound Of Muzak
4. Lazarus
5. Anesthetize
6. Open Car
7. Dark Matter
8. Hatesong
9. A Smart Kid
10. Blackest Eyes
11. Way Out Of Here
12. Sleep Together

13. Trains
14. Halo

2007-04-26, Enmore Theatre, Sydney

Soundcheck: Included Way Out Of Here twice, Sleep Together, and Fear Of A Blank Planet.

1. Fear Of A Blank Planet
2. What Happens Now?
3. The Sound Of Muzak
4. Lazarus
5. Anesthetize
6. Open Car
7. Dark Matter
8. Hatesong
9. A Smart Kid
10. Blackest Eyes
11. Way Out Of Here
12. Sleep Together

13. Mother And Child Divided
14. Trains
15. Halo

2007-04-27, The Tivoli, Brisbane

Soundcheck: Way Out Of Here, Sleep Together, Even Less, Sentimental, Way Out Of Here again, Sentimental again, Fear Of A Blank Planet

1. Fear Of A Blank Planet
2. What Happens Now?
3. The Sound Of Muzak
4. Sentimental
5. Anesthetize
6. Open Car
7. Dark Matter
8. Hatesong
9. Even Less
10. Blackest Eyes
11. Way Out Of Here
12. Sleep Together

13. Trains
14. Halo

ANZAC Day

2008-04-25T06:42:58Z

They went with songs to the battle, they were young.
Straight of limb, true of eyes, steady and aglow.
They were staunch to the end against odds uncounted,
They fell with their faces to the foe

They shall not grow old, as we that are left grow old:
Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn.
At the going down of the sun and in the morning,
We will remember them.
- "For the Fallen", Laurence Binyon

93 years on, lest we forget.

A rambling entry on cynicism and such

2008-04-23T15:04:37Z

I feel so cynical these days. I would like to write something meaningful on social issues, but I just stare at the update page and watch the cursor flicker on the screen. The words don't come. The issues and topics don't evoke passion from me. It's just more of the same, reinforcing my belief that the world is absolutely fucked. Partisan issues, petty self-interest, and all-too-wilfull ignorance are par for the course.

I'm 21. I feel like I'm far too young to be this cynical and disenchanted by life already. I remember when I was 17 or 18 and believed it was possible for there to be meaningful progress; those of you who've been following my journal for years will probably recall my passionate political entries of the "early days". Rather crucially, I believed in things - that the system worked, that it could be used to meaningfully better life, and that people would generally behave in good faith rather than selfish interest. I know many of my contemporaries still think like I used to think. This is apparently the idealistic stage of life, with possibilities and opportunities. Ha.

I suppose I still have some of the idealism. I'm a weak pacifist - i.e. I believe violence can only be justifiably used in self-defence, as opposed to strong pacifists who do not believe violence can ever be justifiably used. I believe the rise of secular values and corresponding decline in religiosity will continue unabated. My opinions on the necessity of urgent and drastic action on climate change and other environmental matters fit comfortably with the parts of the green left written off as idealists. But these are ideological stances of what I believe is right; I have no delusions that they will be realised, besides the rise of secular values one which is based on statistical trends and applies to just about everywhere except the US, where the Enlightenment was simply something that happened to other countries.

So despite these arguably idealistic stances, my cynical side shows very strongly. I watch the news nightly, but none of the political controversies and global events seem to summon much passion in me any more. Take for example the fiasco surrounding the Zimbabwean elections. No surprises there; just what you would expect from Mugabe, and getting all heated up about it on my blog isn't going to do much. Wailings of "why do we let this happen?" add nothing of substance. I expect Mugabe to continue to destroy Zimbabwe with little more than hot air in response from the outside world. I expect Darfur to drag on for years. I expect the Israeli/Palestinian conflict to not reach any resolution. I expect governments globally to keep screwing over the least fortunate and most vulnerable. Don't forget Cambodia; after millions died at the hands of the genocidal Khmer Rouge regime, Vietnam was criticised for invading Cambodia and ousting the regime, and Khmer Rouge diplomats were acknowledged as Cambodia's representatives by the Western powers into the 1990s. That's just the way things go, and when this world wakes up too late to where it's going, I'll just say "well, I told you so".

Nobody's listening. Nobody wants to hear it. Climate change is a fight enough; good luck mentioning the Holocene extinction event without being considered an apocalyptic weirdo or a miserable doomsayer. We like our comfortable Western lives, after all. The prospect of even the smallest of socially positive progress seems doomed at the hands of political mechanisms that serve narrow interests, function inordinately slowly, and are caught in numerous shackles. I suppose it's fundamentally a fear of commitment and responsibility. I've known a lot of people like that; it seems fairly common. As long as we don't have to commit to anything and as long as we don't have to be responsible for anything, well, we can just keep cruising along obliviously and without worrying about the consequences. That's for someone else. And, frankly, what can you do anyway? I've accomplished nothing. Now I'm just worn down and expect nothing more than the same failure.

axver @ 2008-04-18T23:21:00

2008-04-18T14:52:01Z

Dear Melbourne,

In case you have not noticed, I am a guy. I have a masculine hair cut. I wear masculine clothing. I have a masculine build. My name, André, is quite recognisably a male name. My voice, although not the deepest in history, is still your typical deep male voice. And I have over a month's worth of facial hair growth right now.

What I am trying to say to certain people in this city is: please stop referring to me as "ma'am" or in any other way that would indicate you are too blind and deaf to realise that I am not a woman. This has never occurred to me anywhere else. Yet it is becoming something of a monthly occurrence here in Melbourne. The first couple of times, I thought nothing of it, as I don't exactly feel my masculinity or sexuality threatened or anything silly like that, but its regularity has meant it has become both baffling and frustrating. Please rectify this matter immediately.

Regards,
Axver, a male

In other news, Porcupine Tree hit Melbourne in a week. I am a barely restrained bundle of anticipation right now.

axver @ 2008-04-14T23:53:00

2008-04-14T14:38:20Z

Wow. I have a hard time remembering the last time I had a week as hectic and busy as the last one. I've spent rather little time at the computer, which makes me feel bad because I owe some of you e-mails/comments and really need to get around to doing it. Part of the week disappeared down the drain of horribly dull and uninteresting university tasks. I am seriously disgruntled with one course, to the point that I skipped today's lecture because, quite frankly, grocery shopping was a more exciting prospect. The tutorials are fantastic and taken by one of my favourite tutors, but the lectures and assessment tasks frustrate me to no end. I finished and submitted one essay today that I would consider to be the most dull and unfulfilling load of tripe I have ever written.

University frustration aside, however, I had a very good week, despite how busy it was - or perhaps because of how busy it was; as somebody who quite enjoys the quiet and solitude of being at home, I'm not quite sure what to make of days where I'm awake for 18 hours and at home for less than 2 hours of them. harmonybear and I went out multiple times railfanning; I think the most insane example was dragging ourselves up at 6am on Saturday to catch the XPT and Overland departing Melbourne, and in the case of the former, arriving as well. I have some rather good photos, but thanks to the sluggishness of my Internet, I'm still catching up on uploading stuff from March! I am starting to think, though, that I need to diversify my photographic subjects. I absolutely love my train and tram photos, but I do want to take pictures of more things as I love using my camera.

I've also spent a fair deal of time with cool people from Interference, including two evenings of dinner followed by showings of U2 3D. Rather unfortunately for me, my vision is so fucked up that I only see it as U2 2D. There are brief moments where something seems 3D or at least 3D-ish, but we're talking no more than four seconds here and there in a 90 minute film. I didn't expect this going into the movie, so the first time around it was rather disappointing and hard to get into - while everybody else is oohing and aahing at what they're seeing, I'm thinking "well, this is just like every other movie". The second time, I knew what to expect, so I was able to enjoy it much more. Basically, part of my vision impairment means my eyes do not focus together properly, and this means I don't see the 3D effect. Instead, all the glasses do is turn the blurry image on screen into a 2D image like any ordinary movie. If you see U2 3D yourself, just close one eye and you'll see what I see.

Besides all that, I think U2 3D is better than I expected. The setlist is almost the exact opposite of anything I would want to see; it is far too much "greatest hits" and far too little on the songs that keep me interested in the band (if I were in charge of the movie's setlist, the only songs currently there that would survive are The Fly and possibly New Year's Day and Where The Streets Have No Name). Hopefully this won't be spoilerish for anyone, but what especially pisses me off is the on-screen animation during part of Love And Peace Or Else. Way to be completely fucking obvious. It goes along with the whole barrage-of-hits mentality the band seems to have with everything they do now; it's all calculated and obvious, nothing is left to the imagination. And yet, in spite of all of that sort of stuff, U2 3D proves to be immensely enjoyable. The editing is fantastic and leaves for dead all of the band's other live releases from this decade. The sound quality is simply amazing, and I would love to hear something like Under A Blood Red Sky given that presentation. The band are in peak form. Surely the fact I saw it twice, despite my quibbles, says something - and if enough Interferencers decide to do another outing, I'll tag along for a third time. What a wonderful and fun group of people.

Changing subjects but sticking to music, I've booked my Porcupine Tree jaunt. I still need to organise accommodation in Sydney; it's a shame nobody I know lives there, because I hate tracking down hotels. But as it is, I must be the envy of foreigners with weird ideas of Australia being some exciting and exotic destination, as I will be in four different Aussie cities in a matter of two days. On 26/04, I obviously start in Melbourne and go to Sydney in the early afternoon; late the next morning, I fly from Sydney to the Gold Coast, have lunch and stuff there with the family, then Mum and I will drive up to Brisbane. I'm really glad Mum's healthy enough to see the concert with me; I was afraid she wouldn't be, but the last couple of weeks seem to have been really good for her. The full schedule:

25/04: Porcupine Tree in Melbourne.
26/04: Fly to Sydney. Porcupine Tree in Sydney.
27/04: Fly to the Gold Coast. Porcupine Tree in Brisbane.
29/04: Fly home to Melbourne.

Three standing concerts in three nights. I'm going to be exhausted. But it's going to rule so much. I'm excited already.

Anyhow, that's it from me for now. Have a good one, folks.

My favourite photograph I have taken thus far

2008-04-06T13:53:43Z

I have a veritable stack of photographs to upload from the last month. It's really quite amazing just how many I've taken, and I'm thinking about maybe creating just a small, free website to host my tram and train photos so that I don't keep spamming LJ with this stuff.

However, I really want to show off this photograph. I think it's the best railway photo I've ever taken. Now, the lighting isn't ideal, I know. And my camera's a cheapie little piece of work, so the image quality isn't earthshattering either. But it was truly one of those cases of being in absolutely the right place at the right time. I took this photo at about 5:30pm on 22 March, from Wellington Parade between Flinders Street and Jolimont stations. Both trains are Comeng electric multiple units; the top one is heading into the city while the bottom one is emerging from the City Loop.

axver @ 2008-04-04T23:53:00

2008-04-04T13:21:29Z

I've had this rant before, but right now I'm too pissed off to care. I've frustration to vent.

I am thoroughly sick and tired of the undergraduate level of university. There needs to be a serious restructuring of the History and Political Science majors, because at this point, it is maddening. Right now, in my third year, I am doing exactly what I did in my second year, and it boils down to nothing more than regurgitating the arguments of others for the sake of a mark. The thin veneer of originality expected from the best essays is at the best of times a joke, and always a complete sham.

I've already thoroughly demonstrated that I can go beyond the course reader and employ independent research skills to access sources and bring them together cohesively. Frankly, nobody should pass the first year if they are incapable of doing that. It really isn't asking much to be able to do research beyond your course reader by visiting the university libraries or using online databases. If you are even vaguely computer literate and can't use JSTOR, you could probably be outsmarted by a donkey. Personally, I'm the guy who writes 2,000 word essays with 30 unique sources and feels my research is still inadequate. Furthermore, I have beyond adequately shown that I am capable of formulating an argument, placing it within a broader context on the topic, and coherently proceeding to sustain my argument throughout a piece of work with all necessary references to evidence that supports my assertions. Again, you shouldn't be able to pass the first year if you can't do this.

So why am I still sitting here in my third year doing this? Why am I churning out drivel with no purpose beyond getting some mark that assesses a narrow set of skills I have already demonstrated I possess and can use to a high standard? I'm not being challenged. Accordingly, my work is suffering. I don't care about what I'm doing, I've done it before. Oh, sure, the specific subject area may be a bit different, but change the key terms and you'll have every other bloody essay I've ever written. I'm not acquiring any new skills here, I'm not being tested; I'm just writing complete junk for no good reason.

I want to at least do something that challenges me. Something that requires me to gain new skills. Something where I have to produce work that is genuinely original. Something that I don't just hand in for a mark and say "thank fuck that's done". As it stands, this third year is a farce and a complete waste of my time and energy. I'm sincerely afraid I'm going to receive terrible marks because I just don't care.

I'm going mad. Certain people may get very carefully phrased e-mails full of measured frustration if this doesn't improve. I don't know what I'm doing here. I'm wasting my time. I want to move on already. I'm starting to have flashbacks to how frustratingly mindnumbing and intellectually unfulfilling high school was, and that cannot be a good sign.

axver @ 2008-04-03T23:09:00

2008-04-03T11:52:42Z

Well, April looks like it's going to be considerably busy and stressful. The fact I'm updating LJ rather than writing an essay surely isn't doing me any favours either. However, I feel motivated to update, while I can't say I feel terribly thrilled about rehashing arguments on the Holocaust in Romania in the quest for a mark, so update I shall.

March quite unexpectedly proved to be a rather good month. To tell the truth, it was probably my best month of the fourteen or so I've spent in Melbourne so far. When it started, I can't say I expected that. It was stinking hot, I was feeling fairly lonely, and Mum was not in the best of health at all. But it turns out the Internet is more than just a vehicle for porn and flamewars, and I can largely thank LJ and Interference for such a good March - my mother's all too short visit also significantly contributed. From Interference, the Maj. is not just in one of my courses at university but in the very same tutorial (what are the odds, seriously), while outside of uni I've caught up with Ali and TE/Melissa a few times and went to the National Gallery with them. It's been terribly good actually getting out and doing things, and a group of us are going to the premiere of U2 3D next week. I must admit I really don't care too much about U2 3D - it's a sort of ridiculous concept and only one song in the entire setlist really leaps out at me as worth hearing, but I'm not going to say no to passing the evening with a cool group of people and music I'm sure I'll enjoy despite my skepticism.

Meanwhile, in quite a chance encounter, harmonybear/Kat and I bumped into each other over on melbournemaniac. Would you believe there is another albino railfan roughly my age in Melbourne? No, I didn't either. But I'm not even joking. We've been out railfanning and tramfanning a fair bit the last few weeks. Most of it has just been around the central city, including one day when the routes 3, 64, and 67 tram lines were running via William Street to terminate at Dudley Street - I really wanted (and got!) photos of Z1s and As on a route normally run solely by Z3s and B2s. I've also ridden the Frankston - Stony Point line twice, once by myself and once with Kat; it's the only non-electrified train on the Melbourne commuter network. At the moment, it's operated by an A class diesel locomotive hauling either two or three of four MTH carriages, undoubtedly the most comfortable rolling stock of any suburban train. It's well worth the trip, especially as it's going to be replaced by Sprinter railcars rather soon. Kat and I are planning another trip later this month before the A+MTH are replaced, this time to photograph it between stations and also photograph the Long Island Steel train, which I frustratingly missed by a matter of minutes when we went down last weekend. Assuming I don't get too stressed over the next few days with essay madness, I'll post some of my pictures from my railfan adventures.

On another note, I'm considerably relieved with the very sudden departure of summer. Three weeks ago, Melbourne was melting in 40C weather. Today barely reached 16C. Looks like the coming few days are going to be rather pleasant and comfortable around 20-25C. Tomorrow evening, I hope it's fine as I plan to go out and do some more tramfanning, unfortunately without Kat as she'll be in Adelaide making me jealous by riding Adelaide trains. But it's the last weekday evening before the end of daylight saving and I don't yet have a photo of a 00 tram on the route 55. The 00 trams are return workings of peak hour trams that aren't rostered to actually run the 55 in the counter-peak direction; they are simply returning to Essendon Depot. Since they run in the evening and it will soon be too dark for my camera to produce worthwhile shots when the 00 runs, I'll go park myself somewhere in Royal Park, do readings, and photograph the parade of passing trams in the hope that at least one 00 comes my way when it's still nice and light. I do wonder if any counter-peak 00s run from Essendon Depot to West Coburg in the morning, but I'm never even remotely up that early to find out! I imagine they do, but I'll stick with catching the 00 in the evening for now. I don't think any of the Melburnians on my friends list or Interference would be terribly interested in joining me tomorrow, but if anybody is, let me know! I'm thinking about getting pizza.

And I think that's about it in news from Axverland. I've 3,500 words over two essays due in ten days, of which only 900 words are thus far written, and 4,000 words to do for the Royal Historical Society before the end of April. What fun. Have a good one, everybody.

So This Is Permanence

2008-04-01T00:57:43Z

It's that time again. Interference is running the fourth edition of the Desert Island compilation tournament. This is the first time the full tournament has not been run by me, and frankly I'm loving not having to worry about it. It's nice to be able to just sit back, make my entry, and watch everything else proceed. My entry for the third edition was meant to be the first quarter of a quadrilogy, and I have the remaining three quarters compiled to varying extents with the second quarter - i.e. this tournament's intended entry - essentially finished. However, I just don't feel as strongly about it now. I feel something new would be more appropriate. The quadrilogy may reappear in future tournaments, but for now, here's my stand-alone submission, complete with links to download it.

SO THIS IS PERMANENCE

Tracklist:

1. Pink Floyd - "Time" - Dark Side Of The Moon (7:06)
2. God Is An Astronaut - "Suicide By Star" - All Is Violent, All Is Bright (4:38)
3. The Triffids - "The Seabirds" - Born Sandy Devotional (3:20)
4. Blackfield - "End Of The World" - Blackfield II (5:13)
5. Riverside - "Out Of Myself" - Out Of Myself (3:44)
6. The Terminals - "Uncoffined" - Cul-De-Sac (3:54)
7. Subterranean Masquerade - "No Place Like Home" - Suspended Animation Dreams (7:59)
8. Marillion - "Jigsaw" - Fugazi (6:49)
9. Green Carnation - "The Burden Is Mine ... Alone" - The Acoustic Verses (3:15)
10. U2 - "Wake Up Dead Man" - Pop (4:52)
11. Able Tasmans - "The Theory Of Continual Disappointment" - Hey, Spinner! (5:12)
12. Martin Phillipps - "Small Spark" - Sketch Book Volume 1 (4:24)
13. The Sisters Of Mercy - "Some Kind Of Stranger" - First And Last And Always (7:16)
14. Ride - "Dreams Burn Down" - Nowhere (6:06)
15. Joy Division - "Twenty Four Hours" - Closer (4:26)
16. Russian Circles - "You Already Did" - Enter (8:14)
17. The Sea, Like Lead - "Anticline/Syncline" - EP Split with Belegost (7:00)
18. Anathema - "Empty" - Alternative 4 (3:00)
19. Agalloch - "I Am The Wooden Doors" - The Mantle (6:11)
20. Arcturus - "Nightmare Heaven" - The Sham Mirrors (6:05)
21. Jesu - "Friends Are Evil" - Jesu (9:43)
22. Long Distance Calling - "The Very Last Day" - DMNSTRTN (11:05)
23. Sculptured - "Our Illuminated Tomb" - The Spear Of The Lily Is Aureoled (7:25)
24. The Cure - "Untitled" - Disintegration (6:26)
25. Porcupine Tree - "Collapse The Light Into Earth" - In Absentia (5:54)

Total length: 2:29:17

Links:
Tracks 1-12: http://www.mediafire.com/?2z4z0hhmjy3
Tracks 13-21: http://www.mediafire.com/?ndgtfv5mu94
Tracks 22-25: http://www.mediafire.com/?w5k18mojw19

So This Is Permanence is an artistic sketch of life's dark and bleak undercurrents. It exists in the shadows and on the margins. It is not designed to engage or to attract, but to create a desolate aesthetic through the use of various stylistic representations of the mournful, melancholic, and despondent facets of existence. It loosely traces a mental progression into an unfathomable abyss.

It can considered to be divided into two halves, tracks 1-12 and tracks 14-25, with the thirteenth track providing a link between the two. The first half is, relatively speaking, the more optimistic of the two. It opens with a recognition of the fleeting quality of life and proceeds through to track nine in a contemplative manner. It considers bridges burnt and laments things of meaning that have been lost or abandoned, be they friends, family, or lovers. This is the most reflective part of the tracklist and sets up the remainder. Tracks 10-12 seek light in the darkness and even for a brief moment despondency is found futile. However, through the intensity of track 13 and the progression into track 14, whatever sparks of light previously provided illumination are extinguished. Hope is consumed by the fire of the mental void and dreams burn down.

At this stage, there is nothing left but despair and isolation. The second half seeks to understand and explore this darkness. There is no escape, whether through the natural, the intellectual, the hallucinogenic, or even death. The ultimate realisation of despair is that death is as futile as life. The conclusion, the final three tracks, are the three I actually compiled first. Our Illuminated Tomb summarises what has preceded and is perhaps the most important track of the entire playlist. It brings the realisation of despair to its ultimate conclusion - the desire to cling to life or find finality in death misses the point. It is not about life or death; "it's not so much staying alive but staying human that's important." But by this stage, humanity has been lost in the mental abyss. In the final two tracks, everything simply fades away. Collapse the light into earth.

I should emphasise this tracklist is not meant to be autobiographical. I did not create this to chronicle any of my own experiences. Perhaps closest to the truth is that this is taking my own experiences to an extreme and nihilistic end that I would never dare explore in reality. The most autobiographical part is actually the cover, which is a photo I took of the sunset on 2 February 2008, the day my grandfather died. I feel that of all my tracklists, this one is the most emotionally intense. I recognise it will be wholly lost on some people. I have broken my "no metal" rule and simply used whichever tracks I believe will most suit my intended artistic aims. It is not intended to be aesthetically appealling - it is intended to be moving on emotional, intellectual, and philosophical levels, and as this is achieved through subjective experiences, some people will simply not have this experience or appreciate the bleak aesthetic. If it loses miserably in the tournament voting, then perhaps that would be only fitting for a tracklist about loss and misery!

axver @ 2008-03-29T21:50:00

2008-03-29T10:54:04Z

Well, Earth Hour came and just went, and let's just say that my light and two computers stayed very firmly on.

I'm a Greens voter. I take climate change very seriously. And I think this Earth Hour was laughably useless. What does it achieve? Less than nothing. In the first place, the power is still being generated, and it is roughly equivalent to the uselessness of petrol boycotts - so you don't buy petrol today; you'll buy it tomorrow and no significant reduction of consumption is achieved. In the second place, and what I think is quite damaging to the entire campaign against climate change, is that it cons people into thinking they have contributed somehow to saving the Earth and that they've done their part for the year when, quite frankly, they haven't. It's the Live Aid syndrome. Live Aid was a great feel-good moment, people felt like they did something to fix Africa's problems ... and it didn't make a dent. Over 20 years later, the problem's still with us. Welcome to Earth Hour, folks. A whole bunch of people around the world think they're doing something great to help the environment and have meaningfully reduced their energy consumption. "I've done my part!" And then they just go back to business as usual. Nothing changes, and twenty years down the road, the problem will still be with us.

The point that should and must be emphasised is the need for permanent change. A feel-good act for an hour does nothing to change long term energy usage patterns or demand. I make a point of minimising my energy usage, which is primarily to keep my power bill down since finances are tight, and it happens to have the happy benefit of permanently keeping my energy consumption low. That is the kind of change that should be encouraged - and of course it's much harder to convince people to make lifestyle changes rather than partaking in feel-good acts, but the simple fact of the matter is that we need lifestyle changes, proactive political leadership on the matter, and more intelligent, considered energy consumption. Earth Hour does not achieve this in any way, shape, or form, and whatever positive educational aspects it may have are negated by the fact it is deluding a large amount of people into thinking they're making a difference. Sure, maybe a few people will be inspired to make long term changes to their consumption, and I'm not going to say that isn't great - it is. But this doesn't even qualify as a start in the grand scheme of things. The environmental benefit is, at best, negligible. At worst, it is counter-productive and delusional. Addressing climate change isn't easy, and people shouldn't be suckered into thinking it can be easy by gimmicky feel-good events.

Useless shit in Melbourne

2008-03-28T13:07:20Z

Wow, it's been a good few days since I posted. No particular reason, except that I've been a bit busier than I expected to be, and the postwhorehouse over on Interference has sucked away lots of my Internet time. I thought that I'd be feeling a bit lonely, what with Mum and Alan going back to Queensland after an all-too-short visit and Kate no longer in my life, but I've found myself more social than I have been in a long time. I've met up with folks from Interference a few times and that's been very nice, and harmonybear (Kat) and I can't seem to stop heading out and acting like we're railfans. Yeah, me, a railfan, what a surprise. I still can't believe I met a fellow albino railfan in Melbourne though.

Anyhow, while I've been out and about these last couple of weeks, I've found various examples of useless shit in Melbourne that I've photographed and shall now share.

	Not quite a staircase, I Yesterday, I visited the Brownless Medical Library to get a book on the history of Royal Melbourne Hospital for my work at the Royal Historical Society. On the second floor, I found this staircase ostensibly leading to the third floor. As you can see, it is rather inaccessible and has no hand-rail.
	Not quite a staircase, II And here is the other end of the useless staircase, leading straight into the ceiling!

	Ramp to nowhere, I Today, Kat and I went peak-hour train photographing, and scouted out the surrounds of North Melbourne station. On the western side of the Dynon Road overpass, we found this ramp just disappearing away into weed growth.
	Ramp to nowhere, II And here's the bottom of the useless ramp, lost in the weeds.

	Spencer Street Station track to nowhere A couple of weeks ago, at Spencer Street Station, Kat and I noticed this railway track between platforms two and three that goes to nowhere. This shot is taken from platform two, with a V/Line passenger train in the ugly new livery at platform three.
	Disused railway tracks at North Melbourne station, I At North Melbourne railway station, between the electric multiple unit stabling tracks and the goods yard, are two disused tracks. Kat and I noticed them today. They have no overhead wires, and as this foot level crossing reveals, the tracks are quite unusable!
	Disused railway tracks, II A broader view of the disused tracks at North Melbourne, taken from the Dynon Street overbridge.
	Disused railway track by Dynon Road This railway track is located just off Dynon Road and comes out of what I believe is the Dynon goods yard beside North Melbourne station. Bet it's been a long time since a wagon's been shunted onto this track!

And that's it for useless shit in Melbourne. Maybe in my next post, I'll include something useful!

axver @ 2008-03-16T23:58:00

2008-03-16T12:57:31Z

What a remarkably social weekend. I went out for hours on both days. I would be lying if I said I could remember the last time I did that. It was fantastic too, and I would love more of the same in the coming weekends. I really don't get out much, but I always enjoy myself considerably when I do, and I'm sure I would be a much happier individual if I didn't hide inside my apartment so much. I would also be a much happier individual if the oppressive heat we're experiencing would go away. Today was amazingly uncomfortable. Tomorrow, my favourite tutor is giving the weekly lecture for one of my courses at uni and I really want to go, but unbelievably, the lecture theatre is not air conditioned (what century is this, people?!) and the forecast is for 39C. Ouch. I'll feel terrible if I don't go, but when I went to that theatre in 32C, I nearly passed out. I don't even want to think about what 39C would be like. I have to go in to the Royal Historical Society tomorrow for a meeting in the morning, but thankfully their building is air conditioned.

This heat is awful. It's making me put things off. I'm not going shopping until it cools down. I'm skipping lectures. I'm avoiding absolutely anything that requires me going outside any more than I must, which means I keep delaying having my hair cut. My hair has gotten too long and is a bit uncomfortable in the heat, but the walk to the hairdresser seems even less desirable. I guess I'll be waiting until an anticipated cool change rolls through on Thursday. I'm really not handling the heat well at all. I'm considerably thankful that I am not in Adelaide, which sounds like the very furnaces of Hell.

To summarise, I WANT MY BLOODY AUTUMN.

axver @ 2008-03-15T23:55:00

2008-03-15T13:24:13Z

Well, I had a very nice and very exhausting day today. This morning, I had a lovely morning tea/brunch with a group of other Melburnians with albinism. Then afterwards, harmonybear and I went trainchasing in the city. This involved a considerable degree of walking in rather warm weather, and was thoroughly worth it. There is truly something delightful in not being a lone train nerd for a change! What a good day. My legs are killing me in a way I wasn't aware they could kill me, but it was for a good cause, so I'm not complaining! Absolutely need to do that again.

I would love to post some of my three hundred and seventy photos of trams and trains, but they are all on the Mac and for reasons I am not entirely able to determine, the Internet is refusing to work on it at the moment. I've started a thread over on Whirlpool, an Australian IT forum, so hopefully the issue will be resolved. If it looks like taking a while, I'll just burn them onto a CD and copy them onto the Windows. I've a shitload of photo posts I need to make.

On a completely unrelated topic, I hadn't played Alcest's Souvenirs D'un Autre Monde in a little while, but I've put it on this evening and it's blowing me away all over again. Truly the album of 2007, despite how astonishing Porcupine Tree's Fear Of A Blank Planet is. Neige is an absolute fucking genius. Shoegazer meets positive black metal with traces of post-rock? It shouldn't work, and yet it is one of the most stunningly beautiful things I have ever heard. If I were to do a list of greatest album openers of all time, Printemps Emeraude would certainly be on it, and Tir Nan Og would appear on the equivalent list for album closers.

No full albums from 2008 have seriously captured my imagination yet, though I am highly impressed by Agalloch's EP entitled The White. It may not have an individual track of as high quality as Kneel To The Cross from the Of Stone, Wind, And Pillor EP, but its often folkish and very desolate atmosphere is stunning. The run of Pantheist/Birch White/Sowilo Rune is of the most evocative in the band's history.

Now time to go collapse from exhaustion somewhere.

axver @ 2008-03-14T21:24:00

2008-03-14T10:23:21Z

God's fortunate that he doesn't exist, otherwise he'd have a lot of explaining to do with regards to Melbourne's boilingly hot weather.

As it is, I merely scowl at the weather systems and wonder where the hell autumn's got to.

axver @ 2008-03-13T01:23:00

2008-03-12T14:23:26Z

OK, some quick notes, since I've neglected this. Mum and Alan have been visiting since Monday, and it has been really lovely to see them. Especially Mum. She looks a bit healthier than I expected, actually, except for her arm that's shockingly bruised - her dehydration meant that when a nurse tried to draw blood, it was hard to find a vein and Mum's arm got seriously messed up. We've had a few nice days, just doing stuff around the city. Today - well, yesterday now - we went to the Melbourne Zoo. My tram route goes past it, so I've seen it very frequently for the year and a bit that I've lived here, but never actually gone in! I hadn't been to a zoo in years, and I must say, the blue penguins, meerkats, red pandas, and elephants are made of all kinds of SuperWin. I took a disturbingly large amount of photos, and I'll share some of the best ones in the coming days. Though I was a bit bothered by how some of the animals appeared a little bored, or that they needed larger enclosures.

In completely unrelated and I suppose somewhat weird-sounding news, I had an interesting experience on Tuesday. I was waiting outside uni on Swanston Street for Mum and Alan, just photographing trams. Now, it's no secret that I'm an albino - but I have never actually met another human albino. I've owned an albino cat and encountered plenty of other albino animals, but not another person. So there I am, excitedly photographing a tram of the Z1 class because I didn't previously have any photos of Z1s in my collection, when what do I see but this albino woman walk right past me. I had to look twice and I just about said something! Now, I think it's pretty sweet to be an albino, but I'm sure not everyone feels the same way, and I just don't like to bother people or intrude in the first place, so I didn't say anything. But wow. For 21 years, in my own little slice of existence, I've been the only one. Now I'm not. It's one thing to know as a sheer matter of fact that you're not the only one, but quite another thing entirely to actually encounter somebody else and see that fact manifested before your very eyes. And then just to cap off my day, one of only three Z2 trams still in operation rocked up and I went back into photography mode.

And since it's now very late and I need to be up in some seven hours, I shall end here and disappear for sleep. I hope you're all well. My apologies for being considerably absent lately.

A bunch of train photos.

2008-03-07T13:20:19Z

So, I've caught the photography bug. Today, I had my first meeting with my contact at the Royal Historical Society, which went very well. I'll write more about what I'm working on once I know little bit more detail about the project. After the meeting, I figured I would go and photograph some trains and trams ... so I spent about thirty minutes doing that. It was all good fun. I'm such a nerd. Tomorrow, I'm seriously thinking of going and riding the Stony Point train, which is currently a diesel-hauled carriage train but I hear will be replaced by Sprinter railcars in the very near future. I want to ride it just during regular service, and since I've nothing else to do and would like to get out of the house, I might as well go tomorrow. It will give me a chance to do a lot of reading, including some of the details of the Royal Historical Society project I'm working on, and it will satisfy bot the railfan and the photographer within me.

So, in any case, I thought I would post some of my earlier photos of trains and get them out of the way before today's stuff and all the material I'm sure to take tomorrow. I've posted plenty of tram photos, but I hadn't gotten around to posting any I took of trains! These photos are from 25 January and 17 February and were mostly taken at Spencer Street Station in central Melbourne. My knowledge of Victorian trains is even more basic and rudimentary than my knowledge of the trams, so if I've made any mistakes, hopefully somebody out there can correct me!

	Comeng train at Royal Park A Comeng electric multiple unit (EMU) rounds the bend into Royal Park railway station on 25 January 2008.
	Comeng and X'Trapolis trains at Spencer Street Station I tried to take some overview shots of Spencer Street Station but I don't really feel they worked too well. This is an example of the rather unspectacular lighting. At left is a Comeng EMU and at right is an X'Trapolis EMU.
	VLocity railcar at Spencer Street Station These flash railcars, rejoicing in the name of VLocity, are pretty much brand new and run services from Melbourne to regional Victoria. At left is a rake of V/Line carriages for a locomotive-hauled regional service.
	Close-up of the VLocity railcar
	Y class locomotive at Spencer Street Station A Y class locomotive shunts a rake of wagons to a platform at Spencer Street Station for a regional service. At right are more VLocity railcars.
	Y class leaving the platform After shunting the carriages to the platform, the Y class locomotive pulls away. It's just a shunting locomotive; a more powerful locomotive, likely of the N class, will haul the train on its journey.
	VLocity and Sprinter railcars VLocity and Sprinter railcars to the north of the platforms at Spencer Street Station on 17 February 2008.
	Comeng train entering the Loop Melbourne has an underground City Loop under the CBD. One access point is from the north side of the Spencer Street Station platforms, and here, a Comeng EMU can be seen entering it.
	Rear of train entering the City Loop The rear of the Comeng train in the previous photo disappearing underground into the City Loop.
	X'Trapolis train at Spencer Street Station
	X'Trapolis entering City Loop The rear of the X'Trapolis EMU of the previous photo disappears into the City Loop. At left, a Comeng EMU can be seen approaching, while in the background behind the X'Trapolis, a number of VLocity and Sprinter railcars are stabled.
	Comeng train entering Spencer Street Station The Comeng EMU seen previously crosses tracks as it enters Spencer Street Station. At left, another Comeng train can be seen stabled in the distance.
	Comeng train arriving at Spencer Street Station And now the above Comeng EMU arrives at the platform. This was my Upfield line service back home - or at least to Royal Park, to connect with a tram.
	Comeng train departing Royal Park While I waited for my tram, I photographed this Comeng EMU departing Royal Park railway station for the city.
	Comeng train heading to city And to end the set, the Comeng EMU seen in the previous photo crosses Royal Park's train/tram bridge and disappears around the corner.

axver @ 2008-03-05T21:35:00

2008-03-05T10:39:21Z

Two brief flickers of light in my day:

1. I have a work placement at the Royal Historical Society of Victoria. Not yet sure what my project will entail, but I shall find out on Friday. I can't wait. It will be great to do some meaningful, original history work with a practical application rather than merely regurgitating information and arguments with a veneer of originality for a mark. But speaking of marks ...
2. I got the top mark in History subjects for second year students in 2007! I was notified of my award today. I'm fairly stunned. I never really expected to follow my award for top of first year History in Queensland with anything. Besides the obvious increase in expectations from from first to second year, I feel things at Melbourne University are simply on a higher level, at least as far as the History faculty goes. I felt a little out of place during my first couple of months, that's for sure. I don't think I really settled in until the second semester. But I suppose I finally settled in rather nicely in the end! Well, now let's see what I can do with the third year.

Anyway, back to my bleak world. At least it fuels my artistic creativity. Hope the rest of you have a good one.

To hell with it all.

2008-03-02T14:46:01Z

What a year. I've just had enough. On Saturday, my mother had to go to hospital again. I didn't mention it in my last entry because I had very few details at hand. She feared she was suffering the onset of another attack of the pancreatitis, so she admitted herself to hospital and they monitored her condition. Much to my relief, it was not her pancreas playing up, but of course, it was something else, some issue relating to old internal scar tissue actually. The doctors have now let her return home as they believe the issue will work itself out, and if the pain reappears, they can treat it. That's more heartening than the whole pancreatitis matter, which can only be controlled rather than cured. Still, having to go to hospital again just makes me even more worried about my mother's health.

I suppose one positive is that one of the machines that Mum was plugged into kept being set off by how strong her heartbeat is. Apparently she has the heart of a super-fit person. I can't say I'm surprised. She used to do marathons and triathlons and all that sort of stuff when she was younger, and she still walks and cycles considerably. I'm sure she'd still at least be doing half-marathons if her health were better. So while her pancreas is stuffed, her heart is very strong.

It's just one of life's cruel jokes, isn't it? Here's a woman not even fifty who does all the right things, exercises frequently and eats well, ending up in hospital and having to implement all kinds of radical and undesirable diet changes to cater to some stupid condition she got anyway, while there's probably some 50+ year old wanker out there who smokes, gets sloshed nightly, eats abysmally, never exercises more than lifting the TV remote, and hasn't had a single health issue in their life. And here I am, down in Melbourne, unable to much beyond offer my concern and sympathy on the phone. I hate being so bloody far away. If I were in Brisbane, I could at least jump on a train down to the Gold Coast. I wouldn't trade living in Melbourne for anything, but it's times like these that I feel every second of the 18 hour drive between Melbourne and Queensland very acutely. What's next, you know?

If her health holds up, she's coming to Melbourne for a few days next week. I'm very happy about that. And then, of course, I'm going to Brisbane in late April to see Porcupine Tree with her. Speaking of Porcupine Tree, their new live release, We Lost The Skyline, is simply amazing. It's just over 30 minutes of only Steven Wilson and John Wesley performing a stripped-down set at a record store appearance. The songs are rearranged and sound fantastic. Drown With Me in particular has struck a chord with me; SW and Wes vocally interact in an eerily beautiful way during the "resting there in a stream/buried in green" portion. I would have loved to have heard them do the third part of Anesthetize too, but you can't have everything; all the tracks here are absolutely fantastic. I've played this a lot and it has brought me some measure of cheer this weekend. Immersing myself in music seems to be healthy. The cricket today was also very entertaining, with Sachin Tendulkar scoring a fantastic century to take India to victory over Australia. Small pleasures like that are important.

Small pleasures can only do so much, though. I'm exhausted. I'm sick of 2008 already. I've already had one bad year. I feel so much worry and concern, and I just hope there's no more because I couldn't take it. University starts tomorrow. Today, actually; it's early Monday already. Perhaps I can just immerse myself in my studies and lose myself inside my mind. I'll still worry though, no matter what I do. I'm so worn out. I'm sorry, I have e-mails and LJ comments to reply to, but I just am not up to it. I'm going to bed. Maybe I'll wake up to something better.

The Bit Torrenters' Creed

2008-03-01T15:07:11Z

As I am on the tired side of life, I thought that today I would simply share something from the "postwhore-a-thon" over on Interference, which has managed to exceed 15,000 posts in the space of a week. I'd like to record this here so that it doesn't just vanish into the mountain of posts over there. We had two topics of discussion going at the same time, one about theology and one about downloads. I happened to remark that "I might reconsider my stance on Christianity if you can get an ecumenical summit to elect bit torrent as the new God", and after major_panic replied that he would love to see what creed would be created to conform with such a move, I produced this revision of the Apostles' Creed. I don't know about you, but if you ask me, this is the sort of religion to suit our modern Internet age!

I believe in Bit Torrent, the downloader almighty,
Seeder of heaven and earth,
And in torrent trackers, its only distributor, our Lord,
Which were conceived by the power of the Internet,
Born of the virgin nerds,
Suffered under the RIAA,
Were banned, blocked, and sometimes arrested.
They descended into hell.
On the third day they rose again from being offline.
They ascended into heaven
and are seated at the left mouse button
of Bit Torrent, the downloader almighty.
From thence they shall come again to distribute the music and the movies.

I believe in the torrent protocal,
The holy torrent client,
The communion of seeders,
The forgiveness of leeching,
The resurrection of the dead torrent,
And the download everlasting.
Amen.

axver @ 2008-02-29T23:49:00

2008-02-29T13:08:55Z

Wow, I must admit I'm a wee bit impressed. For the first time since March 2005, I made an entry on every single day of a calendar month. It's funny how posting habits change. I made at least one entry for every single day between 29 September 2003 and 12 April 2005 inclusive. At the complete opposite end of the scale, I made just three entries in all of September last year, and missed an entire month between 14 February and 14 March 2007. A lot has come and gone in that time. I started this blog way back in year 11 of high school, and now here I am, heading into my third year of university.

I suppose February was a fitting month during which to write daily. Neither this year nor last have been kind to me at the start, and I will be rather pleased to see March after this miserable month. My paternal grandfather passed away, I lost the friendship of two significant people in my life, and now just to top it all off, my family has had some more drama. One of my uncles is entering into a very poorly considered marriage, and the whole furore over this reached its peak last night when he threw a tantrum at a family gathering and remarked that his mother, my maternal grandmother, should die and burn in hell. To reiterate from yesterday, I will not stand for bullshit, and such repulsive disrespect sickens me. I have already distanced myself from the developing drama, and that was the final straw; I am cutting him out too. Nobody talks to my Nan like that. Nobody.

In happier news, today's cricket between Australia and Sri Lanka was sensational. Undeniably the best game of the series thus far, and what a shame that it was a dead rubber before the finals! It began as per the usual script - the Sri Lankans lost wickets steadily and staggered to a paltry 221, and the Australians began their innings in blistering form, clearly set to chase down the target in double quick time. And then the wheels fell off. Australia crumbled from 0/107, with Adam Gilchrist on course for the fastest limited overs century in Australian history, to 6/123 and Gilly gone for 83 off 50. The Sri Lankan bowlers just tore up the script and threw the shreds to the four winds. The Australian tail-enders tried desperately to hang on, and had 14 runs to get off the final 12 balls with just one wicket in hand. Then Jayawardene made an inspired choice in bringing in Jayasuriya to bowl, and with his first and only delivery of the game, he clean bowled Brett Lee and the game was over! Australia were dismissed for 208 and the Sri Lankans won by 13. It was such a fantastic game, and so tense at the end as Lee and Nathan Bracken fought desperately to snatch victory from the jaws of defeat. The game was even here in Melbourne at the MCG, so now I'm regretting not going! Well, in any case, bring on a close finals series between Australia and India in the coming week.

And so ends February. What a month. I'll take a quieter March if at all possible, thanks.

Ending a chapter of my life

2008-02-28T13:46:20Z

Alright. I'm only going to say this once.

I am a man who tolerates neither bullshit nor drama. I have been deceived and betrayed by one person who I loved and another person who I trusted. Note the past tense. In difficult situations, it is one thing to be honest and upfront. I can appreciate honesty, if nothing else. It is quite another to add extra unpleasant elements to the mix and to render null and void whatever states of trust existed. I have no desire to expend my time and energy on this. Anybody who expects me to roll over, acquiesce, and meekly accept and tolerate their deceptive, inconsiderate, and immoral bullshit is an extaordinarily dumb individual.

Accordingly, as much as it deeply pains me to do so, I am faced with one course of action alone. I am cutting purplicious (Kate) and screendoor3 (Matthew) right out. It is a shame that sometimes it takes over four years to discover a person's true nature and how they will betray and deceive you and break your trust whenever it suits their whims. I never have stood for such bullshit and I never will. They no longer exist to me.

I believe this is the only reasonable course of action I can take. It is certainly the only course of action I see that does not leave me open to more hurt and manipulation. It does not treat the symptoms, it treats the problem by cutting straight to the core and outright removing it. I distance myself from drama and refuse to let it impact on my life. I will not waste my emotions, energy, and time on those who lack even the faintest modicum of consideration for trust and who lack the moral fibre to even be honest and upfront in their dealings with me.

That is the start and the end of the matter.

Because trams are all kinds of awesome

2008-02-27T13:41:05Z

I've posted some of my photos of trams recently, but it was really just a mishmash, whatever I photographed when I was out. So today, I thought I'd do a proper run-through of the tram fleet for the out-of-towners, using my admittedly very rudimentary and basic knowledge. I'm sure anybody with more of a clue can easily correct and enlighten me. This is, after all, just an exercise in generorkish fun, and trams cheer me up. I should also get around to posting some of my railway photos soon too. I haven't taken many, just around Royal Park and Spencer Street stations, but it'll be a change of pace at least.

So without further ado, here's more of my shitty photography with a veneer of being informative.

	Front view The W class is the traditional Melbourne tram. They only run a few routes nowadays. There are numerous subclasses, many of which are withdrawn, and I don't know the differences between most yet. Those in service are the more recent subclasses, I think built in the 1940s-50s.
	Side view Side view of the W class, showing its traditional green and cream livery.
	City Circle trams Some of the W class trams are done up for the free City Circle, which runs around the CBD. I think they are the most attractive trams in the city, challenged only by the restaurant trams.

Z3 class
There are three subclasses of the Z class: the Z1, Z2, and Z3. The Z1 and Z2 look virtually identical and I unfortunately lack a photo of them. The Z3 class is depicted here, and in many of my previous photos as it is the primary class on my route. I can't decide whether the W or the Z3 is my favourite type of Melbourne tram. After the Ws, the Zs are the oldest trams; the Z1-2s date from 1975-79 and the Z3s 1979-84.

Z3, two B2s, and Flinders Street Station
I rather like this photo. In the distance is part of Flinders Street Station, Melbourne's most beautiful building. It is seen down Elizabeth Street from the Bourke Street intersection. The closest tram is a Z3, and in the distance are two B2 class trams, which we'll get to later.

	A class tram The A class followed the Z class and were built 1984-87. There is in fact the A1 and A2 subclasses, but visually they look identical to me, though I rarely encounter the A class in the usual course of my travels. Accordingly, this shot from Spencer Street Station is one of only two A class shots I have.
	A and Z3 class trams And here's the other A class photo! This shows the front of an A class tram at left and a Z3 at right. The A class tram is in a stabling siding in the middle of Swanston Street on the northern side of the main Melbourne University stop.

	B2 class tram The B class consists of two B1 prototypes and roughly 130 B2s. I have to look closely to identify the B1s, I can tell them apart more easily from inside than out. They are essentially an extended, articulated form of the A class.
	B2 articulation A B2 tram turning from Bourke Street on the right onto Spencer Street, demonstrating its articulated qualities. The B class was built between 1984 and 1994. They're the other class that runs on my route, so are over-represented in my photography.
	A B2 meets a D2 In this photo, a member of the only articulated high-floor tram, the B2 class, meets a more modern low-floor articulated tram, the D2 class. They will be covered later.

	Front of a C class The C class is the first low floor class. Fucking ugly "light rail" beasts. I find them unattractive, flagrantly designed to look modern for no apparent reason, as the classic appearance of the City Circle trams is both more attractive and more popular.
	A more side-on view of the C Here's a more side-on view. Of the two low floor classes currently in service, I think externally they are less attractive than the D class but internally more comfortable. They were built 2001-02.

	Front view of a D2 The D class of articulated trams has two subclasses. The D1 class has three sections, while the D2 class - seen here - is longer and has five sections.
	D2 class tram rounding corner Here's a view of the D2's articulation. These trams were built in 2004. The D1 trams preceded them in 2002.

We also have five new trams coming, on loan from France until 2011 ahead of a government plan to procure more trams. Amusingly, some French leaves have delayed the introduction of these trams to service. I'm looking forward to seeing them around and photographing them. I hope they retain the yellow livery seen in The Age's article. It's much more attractive than the bland fog grey and white that Yarra Trams currently uses on most of the other trams.