Current mood:	sad
Current music:	'Plainsong' by The Cure
Entry tags:	grandpa

I got a phone call earlier today. I could tell what it was the second I answered and heard the tone of my father's voice. Grandpa has taken a significant turn for the worst. He is in the hospice, and as I write this, I really don't know if he is still hanging in there. When I spoke to Dad, it seemed like a matter of hours. He put the phone to Grandpa's ear so that I could say some final words to him.

I can't believe how quickly things have happened. It has been only two weeks since I saw him. Not even that. 12 days.

I don't know if I will be flying to New Zealand or not. Dad and I will work that out later.

Right now I am sitting here without a clue in the world what to do with myself. Nobody's around, everyone's all so far away. I'm just listening to The Cure because everything else is either too happy, the wrong kind of melancholic, or too heavy. Mainly the Faith and Disintegration albums. I'm waiting for the cricket to start tonight so I can watch it and try to pass the time.

I can't accept that this is really happening. And I hate being in Australia right now. I feel so disconnected. It makes it seem less real and it drags it out and makes it all the more hard.