Axver (axver) wrote,
Axver
axver

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Forget conventional gifts. Here's how you give a GIFT!

How to give your teacher a unique gift in a number of easy steps I am yet to devise as I write this sentence.

1. Go on excursion to the beach/headland with teacher.
2. While there, discover an old television dumped on the sand. Ensure that externally, it appears at least reasonably intact. A screen is helpful, but not necessary. Also ensure teacher is not aware of this discovery.
3. When teacher heads off for a walk out of sight of the location of the television, the bus, or anywhere in between, hurriedly load the television onto the bus and place it so that teacher will not see it.
4. In between steps two and three, take a class photo. If anyone is missing, draw a stick figure impression of them onto the photo at a later date.
5. Upon return arrival at school, offload television and ensure teacher does not see it. Be aware teacher may speak to you for at least fifteen minutes before you can lead him/her sufficiently far enough away from the bus. Send television home for the night with a student.
6. Next day, bring television to school and before teacher arrives, frantically rush it into the class and hide it in a bottom cupboard. If this seems illogical to you, do not question it. Hope teacher does not find television.
7. Print photo in black and white and tape it to screen of television (or affix it over where the screen should be). If the television is recent, you may want to use colour, but as a general rule, black and white is more appropriate. Who dumps a TV modern enough to have a colour picture anyway?
8. Next week, present television to teacher. Ensure all but two members of the class have signed it or written very long messages on the side with a permanent marker. Preferably, the two members who have not signed it should be the most intelligent student in the class who worships the ground on which the teacher walks, and his/her somewhat less intelligent, somewhat less fanatical accomplice. Allow them to sign it after the presentation ceremony but do not leave them enough room to write the messages they wish to write.
9. Just before teacher arrives in class, place the television in a prominent position in the class, write 'suprise' (NOT 'surprise' by any means!) on the board, and hide in a neighbouring computer lab with three people in the grade beneath you who think you're all bloody weird.
10. Upon teacher's arrival, burst out from the lab and REJOICE!
(Please note: preferably, teacher should not be punctual. Fifteen minutes late should be the barest minimum.)

That's how you start your final Monday of regular classes in style.

My father arrives TOMORROW. I'm both excited and absolutely terrified.

Would anyone now like to talk me out of being productive? If you have no arguments to stop my productivity, just throw anything related to U2 setlists at me and encourage a long-winded response. I don't think I could handle too much more productivity. The last couple of days have been alarming.
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