Axver (axver) wrote,
Axver
axver

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Kingdoms rise and kingdoms fall ...

October
Words and music by U2
Track seven on the
October LP, hidden track at the end of the Best Of 1980-1990 compilation

October, and the trees are stripped bare
Of all they wear
What do I care?
October, and kingdoms rise
And kingdoms fall
But you go on ... and on ...

Such a short, beautiful song. Edge should play piano more often, and the report in NME about City Of Blinding Lights is very exciting.

I'm pathetic. Since last night, I've been passing a good deal of time designing setlists for U2's We Feel Like Playing Material Axver Knows on 30/09/04 Tour. What's more, I'm sending them to play venues they would never play, in towns they would never play in, with the most unrealistic schedule in the world. It's pretty damn cool, though! I may post some of it sometime. It features some of my most original setlists yet - there's 'ZooTV, Joshua Tree style', a concert closing with Promenade and another with Exit, and some other totally weird stuff.

I'm also a bit on the miserable side. I honestly don't like living here, and it's all because of James and Robby. I do not feel comfortable around them and I don't even like leaving the house because I don't trust them as far as I could throw them and I don't fancy having my possessions tampered with. Frankly, I am terrified of next year (or 2006, if I defer). I cannot live with people I don't know and like. Yes, I have a room to myself, but there are complete strangers on the other side of the wall, out in the hallways, and so forth. Don't give me that "get out there and meet people" or "you'll be fine" nonsense, either. If you can't comprehend why I feel like this, think of something you fear. Take public speaking for example, because a lot of people are terrified of that. I don't comprehend why anyone would be afraid of getting up and giving a speech or arguing a case in a debate. I can't see where the fear or nerves would come from. However, a lot of you will do everything to avoid speaking in public, even if there is no rational reason for the fear. That's EXACTLY the same with me when it comes to living with people I don't know or like. The very thought terrifies me. It might keep me out of university, because I'm not within walking distance or quick public transport of one, and I can't tolerate living in a building with hundreds of other people. I'll live with people I know well, trust, and like, but I will not live with some strangers. It won't be fine. Is it fine when you are told to stand up and give an eight minute speech on the future of the UN? Is it fine when [your own irrational fear] is presented to you? No, it's NOT.

Let me make it clear I am NOT a sociphobe. I like conversations, especially deep and intelligent ones, even if I don't know how to start them. I'll go to the shops, I'll go to school, and I would be leaping for joy at the prospect of university IF it was within walking distance. I'm not about to go live in a wood shack in the Southern Alps and live on tree bark. I'm not going to hide in my room, only illuminated by the glow of my computer screen and the lamp allowing me to read thick books about theology. I'm not going to hide in a cave, rock back and forth, and mutter "world's coming to eat me." I am perfectly capable of conducting normal life and I'd even like to meet other people who share similar interests to me or have the mental capacity to sustain an intelligent conversation with me. I just don't like living with people I do not know, like, or trust. Is that really so unreasonable?
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