Axver (axver) wrote,
Axver
axver

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This is not a subject line. Do not be fooled!

I'm thinking of bringing a gun with me to the library. With a silencer. Then it'd be quiet and so would other people.

No, I'm not serious. It's still a nice thought, though.

So, anyway. Today's events were really nothing much to speak of. I felt Maths C before school was a bit of a waste of time. Then in home room, one of my teachers (we have two - at the start of this year, our class got split in two, but we're all in the same room so we're still just one class really) has decided we need to get some unity going. So guess what? She gave out paper on which we were meant to write something to someone and give it to them. How wonderful and not-grade-twelve-ish! Especially seeing I really don't like anyone in the class a whole lot apart from Sam, and he was away today. Well, a couple of other people I could say I like, but not really. So I managed to get out of writing anything by spending twenty-five minutes labouring over a single maths problem that neither I or Queenie could solve. We still haven't figured it out. Stupid question. The irony is the best note anyone actually gave me was from Queenie. I was surprised I got a note from someone else in the class. It was all asinine, really. I'm going to do my own one, though. I'll tell the class exactly what I think and pin it on the wall. Mmm, nice idea ...

Anyhow. German was an annoyance, Geography was little better, English was frustrating as usual, study was the goodness like only study can be, and SOR was good and we finished watching Gattaca, whcih I think was quite a good movie. Lunch was going to involve much poetry writing, but then some guys from grade ten decided to befriend me and I spent the whole lunchtime talking to them. The amusing part was most of them have siblings in my grade. They tried to get me to do some of their work but I forgot how, and so we just spoke instead. Yes, I was social for a change. Don't faint now.

Then there was maths. aaron_3521 and I have good fun sometimes. Near the end of the lesson, I was telling Aaron about an auction on eBay that athanasius7 told me about, where someone was auctioning their soul (the link is dead now). So we started joking about this and said we should sell ridiculous stuff on eBay. It was then that I came up with this: "I'll sell mystery items where you never know quite what you're going to get. It could be a blank envelope, a book, a dog! Oh! A blank envelope with a piece of paper saying 'This is your soul'!" At this point I began laughing because I have an extremely warped sense of humour and found the idea of a piece of paper being someone's soul most amusing. But then I got more inspiration. "No, no, it should be 'This is your soulmate'!" I laughed for five minutes, especially after I remembered a dream Lauren told me about. After the five minutes, I'd been yelled at for laughing too much and had tears pouring down my cheeks. I really do have a weird sense of humour. THIS PIECE OF PAPER IS YOUR SOULMATE! HA!

This made me laugh so hard. Partly because I know it's true through personal experience.

WORDS WOMEN USE

FINE
This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to shut up. Never use "fine" to describe how a woman looks -- this will cause you to have one of those arguments.

FIVE MINUTES
This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it's an even trade

NOTHING
This means "something," and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards! "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with "Fine"

GO AHEAD (With Raised Eyebrows)
This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine"

GO AHEAD (Normal Eyebrows)
This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care" You will get a "Raised Eyebrow Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.

LOUD SIGH
This is not actually a word, but is a nonverbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment, and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing"

SOFT SIGH
Again, not a word, but a nonverbal statement. "Soft Sighs" mean that she is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe, and she will stay content


THAT'S OKAY
This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you back for whatever it is that you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and in conjunction with a "Raised Eyebrow."

GO AHEAD.
At some point in the near future, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.

PLEASE DO
This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance with the truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay"

THANKS
A woman is thanking you. Do not faint. Just say you're welcome.

THANKS A LOT
This is much different from "Thanks." A woman will say, "Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have offended her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh." Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh," as she will only tell you "Nothing"

And this one made me laugh harder because it is so very true. Some of it is absolutely spot-on.

The rules according to men

Please note... these are
all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can
find the perfect present yet again!

1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.

1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short
hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women
always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her..

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that
way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not
work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar.
Remind us frequently beforehand.

1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be
any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that last for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Check your oil! Please.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact,
all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it
down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways
makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done.
Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during
commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.

1. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we
were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for
example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea
what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading
ability is not proof of how little we care about you.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's
wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you
don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine.
Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss
such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. Foreign films are best left to foreigners. (Unless it's Bruce Lee or some
warflick where it doesn't really matter what they're saying anyway.)

1. It is neither in your best interest or ours to take the quiz together.
No, it doesn't matter which quiz.

1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch
tonight, but did you know we really don't mind that, it's like camping.

1. I am in shape. ROUND is a shape.
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