Axver (axver) wrote,
Axver
axver

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Stuff that doesn't seem to be related but is ... kind of.

I'm going to stop watching the news. I'm becoming sensitive in my old age of sixteen. I can't take bad news after bad news. I mentioned this in an entry yesterday, that a family of five was killed in a light plane crash in northern Queensland, and they were talking to the family on the news today, showing pictures, and doing stuff like that, and it truly made me want to cry. I couldn't take it. I had to walk away. They looked like such a nice family ... and they were only little kids! They were eleven, eight, and five! Good bob, it's so wrong. Their lives had barely begun, and then they get killed in a horrific plane crash. I'm sorry, but I'm just sick of saddening news like that, it's so depressing, how you can be alive one second, and then BOOM, it's gone just like that, and it doesn't matter how old or young you are, it can happen to anyone, and it happens all too often ... I just hate it. Bad things happen, evil is ever present, I know that, but that sure as anything doesn't mean I have to like it, and I don't. I can't stand it. STOP. Why won't it just stop? PLEASE.

So I spent some time with God tonight, and that's helped calm things a bit. Just knowing He's there, that He's always there even though it may not always feel like it ... that's a really comforting thought. I had a nice peaceful time ... 20-30 minutes or so, I think. I wasn't exactly keeping track. Thanks must go to Skip, because she was the one who prompted me to spend time with God when we were talking earlier this afternoon. I was going to spend this time with God before M*A*S*H and the news, but I got caught up watching footage of the AFL Grand Final, and I'm glad I did, because having this time after the news was best; it helped me deal with what I'd seen.

I was also going to go for a swim this afternoon, but that didn't eventuate. Often it's hard to persuade me to go for a swim, but I just felt like I wanted one so I went down to check if anyone was at the pool and, if no-one was there, to check the pool temperature to make sure it was warm enough to want to swim in. But as it turned out, there were people there. I hate swimming with other people around. I'm usually comfortable when my friends are around, but when people I don't know are around, I hate it. I feel very uncomfortable and I just rather not to swim. So I went back home without checking the pool temperature and without the desire to swim any more. I know I need to, to get fit ... but I suppose it can wait until we move in with Alan. He has a pool at his house, and unlike the pool now, it's not shared between a large neighbourhood of people, it's just his. So odds are that there will very rarely ever be anyone around.

Tonight I'm going to have an early night. A very early night. I'm very tired ... might sleep in tomorrow. MIGHT. My body clock seems to be so mucked up at the moment I'll probably wake up at 6am. Then again, if I go to bed before 8 and if I sleep through to 7am tomorrow, that's 11 hours sleep, which is definitely enough. I know I need it. Last thing I want is to be low on sleep when I go back to school because I always lose sleep during school time and this term will be a draining one so I need to be as rested as possible. It's only eight weeks long, we'll probably start exams in week six, definitely week seven, and the week before it will be entirely revision, so we only have about five weeks at best to fit in all we need to learn and go over the stuff from last term that we'll need to know. I HATE short terms: too much work crammed into too little term. But oh well, such is life, and at least I get to finish before December even begins. Ah, nice long school holidays ... ahh, pleasant thought. I can't wait.

Although, in a sense, I can. I'm not looking forward to finishing this year. I'll be seventeen in January, and quite frankly, sixteen is old enough, thank you very much. I'd rather not turn seventeen. I'm quite happy at high school, and next year will be my last year. Sure, I hate the monotony of it and the petty class politics and peer pressure and crap like that, but I love the security, the predictability, the safety it offers. I know what's going to happen and I'm safe and secure. I don't need to worry. But once next year finishes (which is effectively at the end of September), then it's all over, I'm done, I'm out of there, I'm out of my comfort zone. I'd rather stay there. Guess I better enjoy it while it lasts.
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