Axver (axver) wrote,
Axver
axver

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More of my nonsense

I have lj-cut this into sections for everyone's (hoped) convenience.

While I was away, I got a fantastic idea for a story. My current one is starting to flop, because I've realised my action is far too explosive and such for the target audience (children and teenagers - well it isn't really, but no publishing exec would ever publish it) but the fact the characters are just teenagers and the low amount of technical description (because few people in the age range would care, and I don't know enough of the specifics anyway) and the sheer fact it's a children/teenager's novel would put adults off. So I've been looking for something new, and I've found it. Whereas The Hitch-Hikers Guide To The Galaxy (everyone reading this who hasn't read the trilogy of five by Douglas Adams, GET IT IMMEDIATELY) is a cross between comedy and science-fiction, what I shall write will be a cross between comedy and action, and include a satirical take on my holiday and the Australian states of Queensland, New South Wales, and particularly Victoria. I'm looking forward to writing this.

"Character Yet To Be Named (CYTBN) decided he needed a news paper because he needed to read about events in the world that bore no relevance to him, because otherwise he would sound like an uneducated idiot and people would ridicule him for not caring about the world he lived in. He didn't care about the world he lived in, to be perfectly honest, because he found it a tad boring and thought there were too many rivers and Bulgarian fleas, but he didn't like to be ridiculed, so he went and bought a news paper, expecting, as one would, to find news in it. After all, it was a NEWS paper. But when he returned to his cabin, CYTBN was very shocked to find there was no news at all, but just sport.

'This place really is obsessed with Australia Doesn't Rule.' he muttered to himself as he walked through the rain back to the newsagent to get another paper. Upon arriving there, he noted there were three papers - the news paper, the sports paper, and the advertising paper. Deciding he did actually care about Australia Doesn't Rule and figuring the sports paper would report on it much better than the news paper, he picked up the sports paper, which had a very good picture of a Not Australian Football League (NAFL) player on the front, and flicked it open, only to find that the paper was full of ads. Upon closer inspection, he realised the photo on the front was also an ad, advertising a new range of NAFL shirts still got dirty no matter how little you were tackled and that you would need the washing powder advertised on page seven to get the stains out, and this washing powder advertised that it would muck up your washing machine so you would need the services of the Guy Who Fixed Washing Machines who advertised on the previous page, and it was common knowledge he would actually cause more damage than he would repair and charge exorbitant fees for his services, and then come back nine days later, have a few beers, and tell you why you never should've called him in the first place and encourage you to call him again when you next had washing machine problems, which of course would be the next time you tried to use the bloody thing.

Getting sick of pondering the chain of stupidity leading from the NAFL shirts, CYTBN realised something. The news paper had sport, the sport paper had ads, so by that pattern, the ad paper had to have news.

It had ads.

This time for hats for turtles that required more of that washing powder that would muck up your washing machine."

Now, getting away from that extract, I finished Hitch-Hikers. The entire series. Mum bought me Mostly Harmless, which was AUS$18, a complete ripoff for a 220 page book. But oh well, Mum said she'd get it for me and I might've gone mad without more reading material. Now I'm reading the series again. It's so fantastic and funny. If you haven't read it, READ IT NOW because you are missing out on one of the greatest books ever written. Douglas Adams was a genius.

Speaking of books, I forgot to take my Bible with me to Melbourne. This may sound rather stupid, but let me explain. Odds are I wouldn't have read it if I had taken it, or only for a very short amount of time, but it's just the fact it's there. It's kind of hard to explain. It's like when you have a perfectly good pen but because you're going into an exam, you decide to take another one "just in case" even though you know you won't need it. It's the fact it's there that matters, not whether you'll use it or not. Same in this case with me and my Bible. But I forgot it, I seem to have survived fine, and God didn't get pissed off and make the ball at the Grand Final fly into my face as punishment or anything.

On a completely different note, I absolutely loved the trams in Melbourne. I only got to ride them twice, but I saw so many and I think they're grand. I could've sat by Flinders Street station and watched them - and the trains - for hours. As it turned out, I only got a few minutes.

Some news that will most likely excite many of you is that I saw Pirates of the Caribbean on Friday afternoon. FANTASTIC. Not the best movie ever, but it was fantastic. I really enjoyed it. If it weren't for the fact that movies are terribly expensive here (turns out they're cheaper in Melbourne), I would seriously consider seeing it again. But I'll just have to wait for it to come out on video. By the time it comes out, I'll probably have a DVD player, so hopefully I'll be able to buy the DVD of it. It was indeed a very worthwhile movie to see.

Bought a New Zealand All Blacks scarf while I was in Melbourne. It's great, yes.

In news that may just please and/or shock some of you, I went three days without listening to U2. Can you believe it? I swear it's true. At about 8-9am on Thursday morning, an Albury-Wodonga radio station played Beautiful Day and that was it until Sunday. Nothing more on Thursday. Nothing on Friday. Nothing on Saturday. And on Sunday, while we were driving back home, I didn't listen to U2 until past 9am, so therefore three days.

Last night, we decided not to drive through the night and instead stopped in Newcastle (for those who don't know, it's a city about an hour north of Sydney and the two are sprawling into each other). We stayed at a motel on the outer edges of the city, and it was quite possibly the worst motel I've ever stayed at. Not because of the room - it was perfectly nice - or the area it was in - which I took no notice of at all - but because of the other tenants. A group of guys obviously just finished high school and heading off somewhere to celebrate and staying the night at the motel were in the room next door, and had their TV loud and talked very loudly well into the early hours of the morning, and because the walls were paper-thin, we could hear nearly every word they said. And just a few rooms down was a group of girls also finished high school, who were drinking excessively and yelling and screaming and in general making an absolute racket and a nuisance of themselves. So we got hardly any sleep and I'm quite tired. I'll have an early night tonight, and quite possibly sleep in tomorrow morning. Or because I never have early nights (well, any time before 10pm, anyway), my body might just go mad at me and wake up early.

I wish I was able to drive. I truly do. If one thing depresses me the most, it's the fact that I will never be able to drive because of my eyesight. Turns out that, if I were to leave at the right time, I could get down to Melbourne in just eighteen hours. I would love to be able to do that. I would love to just travel around Australia and have heaps of fun, meet people, see things I want to see and not have to worry about dragging anyone else around, but alas, that shall never happen. Odds are I'll either be entirely dependent on other people for transport, or fork out horrid amounts of money to public transport providers and submit to their timetables instead of going when I want to go. Damn bad eyesight. Sometimes I like it because it can be very advantageous at times (it's a lovely way of getting out of school activities I don't want to do, for example), but it's beginning to piss me off more and more. I can live with being unable to see things that are far off. I can live with having to hold books close to my face to read. I can live with the fact that there's no surgery to rectify my eyesight. I can live with all that kind of stuff. But not being able to drive truly annoys me. It drives me up the flaming wall (was that pun intended? Eh, kind of). I just want to be able to drive. To be independent and not have to rely on anyone else for transport, be they family, friends, or public providers. I don't want to have to submit to other schedules or put people out; I want to go when I want, where I want, and not have to bother anyone else.

Funny story relating to the AFL: For a while, people have been talking about Brisbane doing the 'threepeat'. This is a play on the word 'repeat' and relates to Brisbane winning the premiership for the third year in a row. Well, it wasn't until Friday night that Mum realised this. There was something on TV about the threepeat, I said something like "I wonder if they can do the threepeat" to Mum and Alan, and Mum said something in reply along the lines of that she didn't know what threepeat meant and wondered who Pete was. So I explained it to her during a fit of laughter, and then proceeded to laugh for probably about five or ten minutes. OK, sounds lame now, but it was insanely funny at the time. "Who is Pete?" Hahahaha ...

And I have discovered something to do with spelling. Turns out it is 'magnificent', not 'magnificient', some people say it is 'marvelous' rather than 'marvellous' (flatly contradicting my dictionary), and 'loathsome' is preferable to 'loathesome', if indeed the latter is regarded as correct at all. Well I'm sticking to 'marvellous', I'll probably keep on doing 'magnificient' out of sheer habit, and I think 'loathsome' is completely wrong, even if I'm the one who's actually completely wrong.

Most likely still more later. I don't feel like typing any more. I still feel like I'm in a car because I have been in one for the last two days, and before I was making heaps of typing errors and now I just don't want to type because it's hard to do that while I still feel like I'm in a car, swaying and moving as you do. Thus, tomorrow there will be more.
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